if only you knew

If only you knew,
just how much pain I am going through.

If you knew,

the tears and stain my face and the blood that stains the rest.

I hide it all behind a faked smile and say "I'm fine" because I know your happy.

I don't want to ruin that happiness for you,

and drag you down with me.

If only you could see,

the terrified look behind that perfected mask.

I wish I could cry out for help and tell you everything,

But i'm just to scared.

I don't want to lose you,

or have you think im stupid, pathetic, useless.

When you ask me if i'm "okay",

I want so badly to tell you i'm not,

that really i'm torn apart and dying inside,

that I feel worthless, stupid, ugly, lost, numb, useless, fragile, unloved, and broken.

But instead I replace those words with words of "im fine" or "im just tired" because I don't want you to see just how truly upset I am.

I just want to pull the trigger or slash my wrists and thighs until there is no blood left to bleed out. 

Please help me,

I'm begging you.

Before it's to late to turn back.....

Reviews

[JMaster1]

I have no words , that's how poetry should be
I hope you are doing better , your words had an effect on me