Prologue

This is the introductory prologue for the Young Prince of Freedom Ranchland

The Young Prince of Freedom Ranchland

Toby sat across from his uncle Jeremy and looked at the paper on the table in front of him. Even out in Freedom he could not escape worksheets, but this one was unlike any he had ever seen before.

Name: Toby Wallace Keith
Age: 13

Occupation:

He looked up at his uncle, who was sitting patiently with his hands folded on the table in front of him. “Just put 'student,'” the man suggested.

He copied his passport number, his old student ID, he added his school picture from the year before, the one where he looked relatively happy despite having to wear an itchy sweater. He barely knew that Toby Wallace Keith anymore, but it was going down in the history books as the one who came to Freedom.

It was the Toby that had not yet kissed a girl, the Toby who had never tried a beer, the Toby who had the luxury of being yelled at by his mother. Now he had left Laura behind after having kissed her, he couldn't sneak out to the fort in the woods where he and Al had drank, and his mother couldn't yell anymore. She couldn't speak, she couldn't move. She lay motionless in a bed in a hospital in New York, and now Toby was thousands of miles away in a place he had only ever heard of as a sarcastic joke.

He finished the intake form, a single page of paper. He had never immigrated anywhere before, but he guessed that his mom would have laughed at the process, so he decided it was foolish too. They were in a small office with an aerial picture of the ranch on the wall and a massive photocopying machine and printer and not much else. The florescent lights buzzed above them, the air conditioner hummed and rattled in the window, and Uncle Jeremy looked over the form in a serious way while nodding his head.

Finally he put the paper back onto the desk and pulled out a stamp. “Do you understand that you are entering the sovereign territory of Freedom Ranchland, and are no longer under the jurisdiction of the United States of America?”

Toby had no idea what that meant. Glancing outside he could see the expanse of rolling hills that seemed endless here. It was nothing like New York, there were almost no trees, the air was different, the people had different accents, even the roads were different, but until now it had still been America. He looked back to his uncle, the enigma that his mother had often joked about, but he was serious and Toby just wanted to get out of the office. “Yes.”

“Sign here.” his uncle turned the paper back and pointed at the bottom of the page, to a line under a small declaration that said Toby knew he was leaving the USA.

Toby signed and then his uncle slammed the stamp down on the page, leaving a bright red imprint that read “Application Accepted.” Toby didn't know where to find a stamp like that, but it did seem quite official. Uncle Jeremy then took the paper in inserted the signed part into a sort of stapler with a wide, round mouth and pressed down hard. When it came out the paper had been deformed so that a seal was punched into it with raised letters that read “Secretary General of Freedom Ranchland” with a small coat of arms. Toby was impressed, not even the bank had that kind of stamp.

“Welcome, son.” Uncle Jeremy reached over the table and shook Toby's hand, and that was the first step toward him becoming the Prince of Freedom Ranchland.

Author's Note

Thanks!

Reviews

[Nienor Niniel]

Intriguing beginning, in regards both to the characters' backstories and to the altered geographical reality. The skeptical point-of-view of Toby really drew me in. The last line is perfect for an introduction, because it launches well into the next section of the story.

[Taylorgwebb]

I really appreciate the detailed comment!

[ChikHaley64]

Just the prologue has got me hooked! The whole time I was reading my mind kept chasing different ideas of what is going to happen next. You did an outstanding job. You make me feel insecure about my own writing. :) Haha.

[Taylorgwebb]

haha, thanks for the shining review!

[ChikHaley64]

No problem! :)

[Mittens]

This is a very interesting concept. The way that you're setting up the uncle leaves a tonne of possibilities in terms of where this story can go. It really looks like it's going to be a fantastically unpredictable ride. I like that fact that you gave us just enough details to tease us about the characters without needing to do a huge exposition dump; it gives us some time to get to know the characters, but we've got enough details to empathize with Toby and feel for his unfortunate situation.

This looks like it has real potential; looking forward to seeing how it's going to turn out!

[Taylorgwebb]

Thanks for the encouragement!

[OctoberBaby]

Very exciting, I would like to read more! I would love to give you a detailed review like you gave my work, but I find little room for improvement. The writing seems flawless and gives me something to strive for; that same fluidity in my writing.

[Taylorgwebb]

Thanks a lot, it's certainly not flawless, but I'm glad I could contribute to your inspiration.

[Dye]

This is actually great for a prologue. The set up is good, there is a clear understanding of what is going on and it leaves you thinking, "what next?" Great job.

[Taylorgwebb]

Thanks for the encouragement!

[Valerie Rian]

Sounds really interesting. The narrator voice is strong and distinctive. I'm interested to see where you go with the story. Good hook at the end too!

[Taylorgwebb]

Thanks for the vote of confidence!