Ode To Home Depot

A Story by David

You decide

My Ode to Home Depot goes something like this

You come into town waving your checkbook and getting your way. You supply many jobs to many who welcome them. Even the illegals that you courteously place picnic tables for just outside your front door. The fly by night contractors are also grateful for your kindness as they drive by and point to this one and that one. Hop in the truck and another job to be done.

Your prices are amazing! At least we thought so until your Chinese sheetrock started melting plumbing and wiring in brand new homes. Full of toxins but passed your specification. These homes almost uninhabitable now.

I really appreciate the fact that you protect your employess from harm . That box cutter you have assigned will never harm since it is limited to the opening up full way. Hmm I wonder what that is about.

Your selection of lighting is broad and hung on display for all to see. I wonder why every time I have made a purchase of such items that the pieces are never quite all there. I work my back to your store through the massive traffic jams we have here in this beach community. I find a spot to park , at least after I move all the carriages, flatbeds and various carriers. Why can I never find these in the store? I manage to drag my new purchase back to your return counter where I stand in line and let you refund my purchase back to my credit card so I may start my quest all over again. This time I find a resourceful helper. I believe he is from the paint department but up to the challenge. And then , and then , and then , as we turn the corner it hits me right in the face! The electric isle and one on each side of that isle will be shut down , barricaded, blocked off for the next ten minutes so that we will be safe from falling boxes , debris and Lord Knows what else. I really appreciate this safety precaution!

I will patiently wait . I have already invested half a day here and will not be defeated now! Soon enough ( for the elderly) The blockade is lifted and back to the task at hand. My friend from paint is diligent . I’ve expressed my impatience and we will open every box to make sure all is intact. Unfortunately for me each box holds a different mystery. Paint pal apologizes profusely and assures me that we can order the part and have it in a few days. There is a new shipment due soon from China. I express my great thanks for his kind help as I back away bowing and holding my tounge.

Your plumbing department is filled with great wonders and devoted to so many pieces, pipes, fittings and the like. It truly is amazing! This brings me to my visit here today. This is not the first, oh no, nor the second but shame on me the third flood that I have awakened to at an ungodly hour of the morning ( this time) to the wonderous sound of a waterfall. My Lord, I love that sound . It is so comforting. Wait , wake up. Bolt out of bed and find the source? Ah basement door. On go the lights. thankfull they still work and have not been shorted out by the flood . Peering down the stairs I am greeted by four inches of clean warm glorious water.

I have managed to shut off all sources of water and track down the source of my frustration. To my incredulous consternation---Oh My. This is the last of the home depot fittings , of course made in China to HD specifications. This would be my third flood due to my pals that keep my prices down. I believe I am finally free of these substandard plumbing fixtures. At least I hope. Kind of amazing . I buy the same at the plumbing supply house and Lo and Behold! Lasts forever. I believe I pay a few cents more. I wonder what is the cost of the cherry and mahogany ruined by my penny pinching? I must be clairvoyant for I still had a half inch to go before it started to cost a great deal more, tools all secure.

Fertilizer, duct tape, maybe a light bulb , wait I'm not too certain about that and forget the paint, that guy is busy in the electric isle calming down an irate senior that got caught inside the blockade.