Prologue

The inky blackness of the night wrapped around Rathgar like a blanket as he leaned eagerly atop the crenellated wall.  Unable to pierce the darkness, his eyes saw nothing, but his ears saw everything.  The ultra-low, bass hum that came from his throat reverberated across the landscape, describing for him in great detail where the attackers lay.  He quickened the vibrations in order to better account for sudden movement.  They know I’m here, he thought.  So what are they waiting for?  There was no way they could have known about his newest weapon.  He was the only one who had taken part in its development.  The blasted thing had almost killed him before he finished its collar’s design.  It was a mistake that would not be repeated.

A new sound wafted up through the darkness, distorting Rathgar’s humming and making it difficult to see.  This was expected.  The higher pitched notes from a flute’s tune caused just enough dissonance with his natural bass to make sound-sight a strain.  A strain he didn’t need to endure.  He ceased his humming and, having memorized the location of the group, opened his mouth wide and let loose a great bellow.  The sound waves erupted into flames as they barreled down on his surprised foes.  He could see well enough now to tell that most of them had dodged clear of the flames, or shielded themselves from the worst of it.  Not all were so lucky; there were more than a few anguished screams coming from inside the blaze.  The battle had begun.  Sounds of instruments being plucked and blown filled the night.  Men and women, swords in hand, leapt with tremendous agility to alight on or behind the enormous wall; while some waited patiently as portions of the stone barrier melted before them.   Anyone could see they would get inside.  That was never in question.  However, only Rathgar knew what they would find.  He laughed as his black leather boots pounded along the wall, his cloak of black mist trailing after him in the wind.

With a deep breath, he turned and exhaled with enough force to launch himself across the courtyard to the roof of his keep.  The new vantage point afforded him a clear line of sight down on the invaders milling about in confusion below.  Some played instruments, others carried swords or axes, and several carried bows.  A few had even tried getting through the massive door into the castle proper, but it would take more than physical force to open that.  Everyone else seemed to be scanning each shadowy corner for him.  Rathgar was patient.  He waited.

A shout rose up from one of the men within the walls, “Rathgar!  Show yourself, coward!”

Atop the roof, one of Rathgar’s dusky eyebrows raised at the word ‘coward’, and he shook his head.  He knew better than anyone that he wasn’t a coward, and soon he would show them all.  How dare they come to his castle and assault his home?  They should have known better after the mess I made of their precious Auditorium.  They would all pay dearly for their arrogance.

Another voice spoke up, not shouting, but amplified so that everyone present could hear, “Rathgar.  You cannot win here, and there is no escape.  Surrender yourself, and we will show mercy.  You may still atone for your crimes.  This is your only chance.”

The fortification’s acoustics made the speaker impossible to locate within the throng, but Rathgar didn’t care.  His mocking laughter boomed out across the assembled warriors.  They were all about to die.  

Slowly raising his arms in time with his voice, Rathgar watched as a translucent barrier sprung up around the courtyard.  The invaders laughed at first, thinking the shield was a defensive maneuver come too late.  It was, however, quickly apparent that its purpose was not to keep things out, but in.  The building apprehension rose from the castle grounds in an almost palpable cloud.  One sharp note uttered by Rathgar snapped the lock to the keep’s huge main door below.  Immediately following the breaking lock came the sound of the door shattering into splinters as something smashed its way into the courtyard.  More than twice the height of a man, and wielding a greatsword fit for a giant, it barreled into the startled Sonomancers.  

The creature was human in shape with shaggy, sooty hair covering most of its body.  Its lack of clothing made his gender abruptly clear.  Howling with an inhuman rage, he sliced through the crowd, sometimes striking down two and three at a time.  Several times, their magic was hurled at him to no avail.  Their sound waves could not touch the beast.  His thick skin dulled many arrowheads before he bothered to fell the archers.  Within a minute, the courtyard was thick with bodies, and the end was in sight.  

Suddenly, the keep itself shook, almost knocking Rathgar from his feet.  He turned just in time to see a small group of robed Sonomancers that had briefly escaped the creature’s fury unleash their Voices at the keep’s base.  The entire bottom level was blasted out from beneath Rathgar, and he watched as the castle crashed down onto everything unfortunate enough to still be within the barrier.  Beast and Sonomancer alike were crushed by the hundreds of tons of stone raining down on them.  Rathgar was left aloft with only his magic left to him.  Some of the rocks shifted, revealing a pair of shielded mages below scanning the skies for the master of the castle they knew must still be alive.  With his monster gone, and his fortress with it, there was no reason to risk absolute defeat.  His eyes blazed with hatred as he lowered the barrier and flew out into the starless night.    

Reviews

[Jane P.]

Descriptive imagery, omgosh, I love it! I just wanted to melt in the scene, while stealthily glancing at my thesaurus, because you have established the scene so beautifully. Figurative language is my favourite aspect of reading prose, and you are very skilled in this area!

Also, loving that this prologue gets straight into the action! The pace is very well established and your ability to quickly create such a dramatic tone is commendable. Rathgar appears to be a very intriguing and mysterious character. I really can't wait to learn more about him!

"Surrender yourself, and we will show mercy" Should it be "we will show you mercy", I'm just wondering, because you say 'yourself'.

"Its lack of clothing made his gender abruptly clear." Nothing wrong here, but I wanted to let you know I laughed really hard at this. Very subtly put!

Yep, I'm totally in love with this story. You have a highly sophisticated and succinct writing style, which is very appealing. Super well written and I really liked the consistency and that you opened and closed with a description of the starless sky. Beautiful prose!

Can't wait to continue reading :)

[Gosia]

What a prologue!

Beginning the story from Rathgar's point of view was a nice touch. Usually it either starts from a noble protagonist point of view or some neutral scene, but you introduced the villain first (he'll be the villain, right? At least I suspect so). In the very first chapter you didn't show readers much of your fictional world,but perhaps it's for the best; all those suicidal Sonomacers and magical explosions were enough to make one's head spin (with excitement of course).

As for the prologue, this chapter was great - caught my attention without doubt. I'm eager to read more of your story now.

[Taylor0401]

Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I hope I'm able to keep your attention in the chapters to come!

[Katiya K]

Wow~ what a brilliant prologue! This had definitely grabbed my attention and I read so fast I think some of the words started to blur...so of course I had to go back and read it again. But wow! I love every idea of what you have laid out for the reader so far. From this sort of battle, an action scene always grabs the readers attention, to this sort of really dark and bad a*s sonomancer creature that you have created. I instantly wanted to know more because it reminded me of necromancer but I love your little twist on it. The shouts and powerful acoustics reminds me of the Shouts from Skyrim. Even if you didn't intend to grab inspiration from that game I reaalllly love how descriptive and detailed the prologue was.

I think it was very appropriate to leave the gaps where you did. You've even developed the character and a little bit about why the battle was taking place. I am grateful that you did this because it totally hooks the reader and its not just like a typical battle scene unfolding - a battle scene that many fantasy readers know the structure of - you've practically started laying out little stepping stones so that the reader can find its way and not get bored with another battle scene. . . I just realized that that whole sentence didn't make sense.

Anyways, I really do enjoy your reading style. I've just peeked into the prologue so I don't know if your the type of author who writes short chapters with long detailed verses but if you are than I just want to congratulate you because I know it's pretty difficult to keep the reader hooked, not make it too long, or jumble up all the imagery you've presented in a sea of words.

Can't wait to read on!

[Arutha]

I was very impressed with your writing style, your pace, your detail, and your creativity. All of these are obvious strong suits of yours, which is pretty impressive. I loved Rathgar's almost bipolar tendencies, when he went straight from childlike joy to infuriation. I also like the way you depict him in general, the way he bides his time, and the conversation he has with himself about the word "coward." All great stuff!

So these are just some things that hit me as I read. Hope some of it helps. ;-D

"...but his ears saw everything." I get what you're going for, but I'd just stick with "heard." Otherwise, you create a bit of a hiccup for the reader. Also, "The ultra-low, bass hum..." So I was doing this exact same thing all over the place (sticking commas between multiple descriptors of a single noun). Then I found this site: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/commas-adjectives?page=all. Anytime it's allowable not to use that comma, I'd leave it out. It makes the reader pause at funky points.

"...before he finished its collar’s design." I'd swap the "its" for "the"

"Immediately following the breaking lock came the sound..." Because we know what the sound is following already, maybe just "Immediately thereafter came the sound..."

"Sonomancers," that's pretty freaking sweet.

"Rathgar was left aloft with only his magic left to him." If that's implying that he's flying, I would suggest some more detail to that point. Also, why do the sonomancers assume that Rathgar is still alive? It would feel a bit more real, I think (particularly considering that we're in Rathgar's head and not theirs) if Rathgar just sees them and assumes they're searching to make sure he's dead or something...

Also, generally speaking, why did all the sonomancers (save for the couple that shielded themselves) kill themselves? I feel like, being seemingly implicit masters of their craft, they would be well aware of what would happen if that blasted about a bunch of pressure waves at an unstable tower of rocks, you know?

[Taylor0401]

Thanks for all the great stuff! I've used that site a lot, but that rule is a new one for me. Very cool!

The line about the collar... pretty funny since I JUST changed that from "the" to "its" last night! If you read A.L.'s review below yours you'll see... I honestly don't know which to choose, hah.

I'm glad you pointed out the breaking lock sentence. I was revising this afternoon, and I decided that I hated that sentence. I was in a hurry though, and so didn't find a way to fix it. I think I'll take your advice and use "thereafter", so thanks for that!

Yes, he's flying at the end. I'll make that more clear. And you're right, they shouldn't immediately know that he's still alive. I'll fix that as well.

The sonomancers didn't just up and decide to kill themselves. They realized the futility of fighting this monster, and couldn't escape the magic barrier (I just realized that I don't have any of them actually try that, I'll add that as well) so they try to take Rathgar out with a somewhat self-sacrificing final blow. I'm glad you pointed out the ambiguity here, because now it's going to drive me nuts. I definitely plan on sitting down and tinkering with this a lot.

Thanks again for your review. It's pretty awesome of you to take the time to help me out!

[A. L. Allen]

This is a fantabulously bombastic chapter, Taylor! I thoroughly enjoyed it. :D

I LOVE the idea of the sonomancers! I have always viewed music as its own kind of magic, but have never thought to put it in a story that way. And you, my friend, have done an excellent job of voicing that brilliant idea. :D

The pacing is great, although I would almost like to have a little more at the end. The resolution seemed to come very abruptly. Perhaps a more personal skirmish between Rathgar and those sonomancers that escaped the beast; you could show off Rathgar's mad skills (which I'm sure he has). I think that would also give readers a better idea of all the things sonomancers can do.

I did notice, at the end of the very first paragraph, that the comment about the collar seemed a little awkward. I had to read it a few times to grasp what it was you were trying to say. Thought I'd point that out.

All in all, though, this is a truly incredible chapter that has ensnared me with its originality and professionalism. I'll definitely be reading on.

Keep it up!

[Taylor0401]

Haha, I was hoping you'd show up! I'm so glad you liked it. I agree that the ending was pretty abrupt. I'll see what I can do... As for the collar, what if I said "its collar" instead of "the collar"? Would that make it clearer, or do you think it needs more?

[A. L. Allen]

That's perfect. Definitely clears things up without adding too much more. :)

[RobbieT]

This may seem stupid but I'm still left wondering if Rathgar is blind or not. Maybe you should make it clear that he isn't by describing how dark it is during the first scene or why he's humming to see. Or if he is blind you should reiterate the fact that he is humming to see later on in following paragraphs.

This last bit is a little warning. Be very careful that you don't make the magic of your world too similar to the Thu'um of Skyrim. It'll dissuade a lot of readers to see an idea completely recycled. I suggest you look a bit into the science of sound to better understand it and make it more believable. That in an of itself should make a clear distinction between your sonomancy and Skyrim's Thu'um.

With that said I haven't read the other chapters but I'm about to.

[Taylor0401]

Yeah that Skyrim thing is kind of annoying. You aren't the first person to point out the similarities in the prologue, and I'm sure a reader won't care that I came up with the idea first anyway. It should be quite clear after the prologue that the two are very different.

[Wall of Words]

At first I thought the main character was a bat. Haha. No offense, but the way in which he "saw" through his hearing just immediately gave me that impression.
Then, you really picked up the action of the story. You encourage curiosity immensely, by giving just the information to wet the reader's palette, but not enough to nourish the hungry curiosity. It's a great way to right, especially for a prologue.
I would really like to know more about the monster though. Exactly what does he look like. Just a hairy man, or does he have some other type of defense too, and what size is he, and what level of intelligence does he have?... Numerous questions on the monster. XD
Anyway... great writing job! Very nice way to start the novel!
Sylvia.

[Ashleigh Nicole Evans]

I am so glad I read this piece. I loved your use of language and your tone of voice is so distinctive. Furthermore, I was pleasantly surprised by your introduction to the use of sound as a weapon in your world. You also left me wanting more, especially with respect to Rathgar's supposed crimes. Will definitely be reading further!