One Small Step

Here i stand

at the edge of this cliff

alone again

one small step for man

and ill be another statistic

is this part of gods plan?

to make me so, self loathing and sadistic?

why does the rain

no longer wash away, 

the pain reborn,

in the ashes of memory,

every thought of what was,

brings me to my knees,

my paradise lost,

too far gone to find,

this is the cost,

of having lust on the mind,

loss of innocence, the loss of love,

now i rip my heart out,

bury it in the sea, with a shove,

Here i stand,

on the edge of this cliff, 

back to the world, alone again

one small step, one giant fall

into the oceans womb, 

to end it all

Author's Note

feedback, please let me know what i need to work on and how to better this poem, it would be greatly appreciated

Reviews

[Truth_About_Rain]

I liked this poem :D
But...
It feels like you tried too hard to make some parts rhyme.
For example line 9 and 10,
no longer wash away, the pain
reborn,
The rhyme with rain and pain was good, but the rhythm was slightly off as it felt like it should have been
No longer wash away,
the pain reborn.
If you get my meaning :) The comma felt awkward, anywho :)
The rest was good though ;) Just some minor issues with capitalizing 'i' and stuff.

[biggerthenu]

wow this is a major poem shows a clear image and its deep it shows someone hitting rocks bottom choose to stand alone giving up on everything u healed dear and even the kingdom of God wow I'll say this never give up and if u ever need a ear just call!!

[Sweets]

This is fantastic!
I truly loved this piece!
It builds that image of a cliff, and high waves underneath..
Very powerful.
Loved those lines the most: "why does the rain
no longer wash away, the pain
reborn,
in the ashes of memory,"
Wonderful work! :D
Keep going!

[Lane-roe]

This is really good-the only suggestion I would make is perhaps make sure you check the grammar a bit more carefully-for example, I'll instead of ill. That's me being picky though-apart from that, it's really great work :)

[Raven Starhawk]

A deeply emotional write that tugs at me from all angles. It has a hopeful message though near the end and I am still enthralled by your details.

[kdpgrahi]

A good description to express a simple feeling. Very poetic. But ti is, as said self loathing and sadistic. I actually prefer optimistic endings. A good poem. Well done.

[Carrion.]

i love it, i just think you tryed to hard when you rhymed towards the beginning, but amazing job:D

[L. Catherine]

Very deep and written well. I wouldn't change this one bit. Only thing I would do is write with capital letters instead of using mostly lower case. Great work