Jumbled

How I feel right now... Jumbled, and indescribable

This is like watching you drive away from my house,

Awaiting another two months apart,

Only I know this time it's worse.

This time, you're more than physically leaving.

This time, you won't be coming back.

I feel the same tearing apart feeling,

Only this time it doesn't stop.

It just keeps going,

Ceaselessly ricocheting silent screams through my body.

My mind is a vortex of all the hopelessness propelling through me.

It will not stop.

You say you feel the same,

But you need change.

Pleas for forgiveness retreat into nothing

And curses spring from my lips,

Anger giving them life.

I want to throw something.

I want to hit you.

I want to hurt you.

Never have I ached so badly for destruction,

For the ceaseless pain of others

Rather than my own torturous vulnerability.

Even in this desperate state,

I do not say the words you once used.

I do not say

"Go die."

I do not say

"Don't p***y out this time."

I do not lower myself to the unforgiving depth of pain you've given me.

I do not repeat your mistake,

The mistake I cannot forget,

The mistake I won't let you forget.

Even in this terrible state,

I cannot see you hurt the way you hurt me.

Through all the flaming hatred and the deep sorrow,

I cannot let you be hurt.

I must protect you from myself,

From myself and from everyone else.

Reviews

[E.V. Black]

So powerful and so raw. Truly something straight from the heart. There's not much I can say, for you have said it all. However, I will say that it is sorrowful how you long to hurt the person. Yet, you don't want to because you can't. You must remain alone to save yourself and others

I hope you feel better. Please know that this was beautiful. I can see the beauty in your agony, and it is true.

[Sunflower]

I almost started crying... Love, I am here for you and I want you to always know that. No matter what happens, I will be here for you. I hope you start cheering up some, we need to hangout sometime to get your mind off things. I think that's all you need is time with close friends to show you the importance you have on everyone. I love you and don't be afraid to talk to me dollface, I've been through the same situation before and it's hard to get out of the funk you get into, but again time with friends would help a lot dear.