Chapter 2

I slump down into the driver's seat of my old Honda.  Although, it took a lot of arguing and yelling I finally convinced my mom to let me go.  She seemed so upset at the house I knew it would take a long time for her to say I could.  Even when she is not upset I have a hard time getting her to let me go to his house or even Kyle’s.  She is always saying the same thing; it’s too dangerous, you don’t know what you could get me into.  Every time I wonder what she means by saying the world is to dangerous and I don’t know what I am getting her into.  Is she hiding something from me or am I paranoid over nothing?

I put the key in the ignition and turn it.  The engine roars to life.  The kind of life that is bundled up until you press your foot against the gas petal.  I turn the wheel and vere left, then right.  I am almost there and as I pull into his driveway my heart thumps to the beat of the radio playing.  I knock on his freshly painted door knowing I will probably get scolded for not just walking in.

He answers the door and immediately offers for me to come in.  

“You know you can just come on in?”  Adam says as usual.

“I know.  I just don’t feel right barging in on your family.”  I was right.  He always hates it when Adam or I don’t come right in.

“Don’t worry you are practically already considered family.”  As Adam says this his posture tightens, but my heart decides to flutter.

I can’t believe I want him to ask me out.  My mom would never approve, but then again will she ever let me live my own life and not the shadow of hers?

I follow him upstairs and still he tightens his stance.  As we reach his room, the room I have felt comfortable in for so long, I suddenly feel nerves boil in my stomach.  What if he does ask me out?  Should I say yes or live in my mom’s world, one filled with horrible and nasty things?

We decide to sit down on the edge of his brown triple seater chair.  The same spot we have always sat in time and time before.  The only difference this time is Kyle is not with us.

Adam speaks first. “I wanted to ask you something.  It’s kind of personal.”

“Okay.”  I say as I get a wiff of his smell.  The smell that has the scent of mint.

“I know what your mom thinks, but Jordy the truth is I have loved you ever since kindergarten.  I can’t seem to forget that dimple on your right cheek and your perfect smile.  I don’t know what to tell your mom, but I just had to get that out of my system.  It’s been boiling up ever since I first laid eyes on you.”

 “I don’t know what to say?  My mom would literally kill me if she found out a boy liked me, let alone a boy dating me.”  My insides are literally a mess and my heart is melted like lava.  What else am I supposed to tell him, but the truth?

“You don’t have to say anything.  It is dumb of me to even bring it up.  I know what your

mom thinks, I just thought maybe you would tell her no for once.”  I can hear the frustration in his voice.

“Adam, I try. She doesn’t listen.  She thinks it’s best for me to live in a box my whole life.  I don’t know the reason for her thinking, so what more can I do?”  

“I don’t know, Jordy.  I just want you.  I don’t need your mom in my life.  I can show you what the real world is like.  If you will just only let me have you.”  

“Can’t we still be just friends?”  As I say this my heart stings.  I am going against everything I’ve always wanted.  Love.  The real world.

“Sure we be friends, but I want more.  I don’t want to be just friends.  Do you?”  He asks me this question so pointedly, it’s like I have to answer right away.

I don’t and instead I think for a long moment.  Afraid to say anything, anything at all.  “No.”

It is quiet for a long moment.  The sound echos through the room so I decide to leave.  I stand up and slowly put on foot in front of the other.  As I turn to leave his room and walk down the hall to his front door he says “Does this mean we are more than just friend now?”

I consider for a minute then say, “My mom can never know.”

I finish my turn out of his room and I make my way to his front door.  I walk to the old Honda and once again slump down into the cold leather seat.  As I go to grab my seatbelt Kyle is the first thing that comes to mind.  What will he think when he finds out Adam and I are more than friends?  Will he be upset or will I not even be able to tell?  He’s different from Adam and I, but he still has a soul and feelings.  I love him, but not in the way I love Adam.  I love him as a friend and I care for him, but with Adam the love is so different.

I make it home with the feeling of hope for a future not in a cardboard box.  Although, I don’t know how long I will be able to keep this secret from my mom.  She always seems to find things out one way or another.  

I walk in the door afraid my mom with still be mad at me for whatever I did.  What did I do?  As far as I know nothing.  My mom rushes toward me.

“It’s Grandma.  I think she’s getting worse.”

We rush over to her house, but as we pull into her driveway I see her standing at her window waving.  I thought Mom said she was worse.  Was that a lie?  Is my whole life a lie?  We hastily walk to the front door and when Mom touches the knob and turns it I once again see Grandma standing at the window moving her hand in a forward and backward motion.

“Mom, what are you doing?  You called and said you felt worse than before.  Then Jordy and I show up and you are standing at your stupid window waving.”

“Marcie I was.  I thought I was about to die, then all of sudden I spring to life again.  I feel like I did when I was twenty.”

“Mom you really need to sit down and take it easy.  It has been sixty-five years since you were twenty.  It’s nearly impossible that you are okay after all the treatment you have been through and after losing Dad.  How can you be okay?”

“I don’t know I just am.  You guys can home now.  I am fine.  I promise.”  Grandma tries so hard to sound full of life, but I know she’s not.

I can see it in her eyes.  The misery.  The pain.  The longing.

“Alright mom whatever you say.”

My mom and I leave, but on the way home I realize something.  Mom is so nice and caring for Grandma, but with me I feel she treats like a rag doll.  Just as that thought slips away another realization sinks in; Grandma is slipping away.  Deep down in my heart I feel it, but on the surface I want to believe she’s okay and that she still has a full life to live.   

When we reach our house I go up to my room.  I need to think and I need to figure out the best possible way to hide my secret.  I lay on my bed the most comfortable thing in my room.  Actually the most comfortable thing in the house.  As I lay there I try to think.  I am getting nowhere.  There is not really a way to hide this secret from my mother except to not say anything.  Anything at all.  This still probably won’t work, she has her resources.  That is another thing I need to find out.  I truly think my mom is hiding something.  If I could only have a good relationship with her, like my grandmother and I, then maybe I could “innocently” pry her of the answers to my questions.  All my questions.  Just as my thoughts finish roaming I slip away into a dead sleep.  One filled with visions of Adam.  Just another thing my mom would not approve of.

Author's Note

Advice is advised.