Lord, I Beseech You

lord, help me.

Maybe if I decided to be apathetic, it'd be fine. 

Because without emotions, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't give a damn. 

That's the only thing holding me back now. Emotions. Feeling. 

Why do I feel so miserable? When I've got nothing to hope for? When I can't talk? 

Because it'll be too much to open up even a little. To pour out that silent scream. 

To shed my heart even a bit. Apathy. No. No. How can I be so cold? I can't. 

Because I see. 

Because I care. I thought in time, people would see the vision I see, where everyone's successful, alive and enjoying. 

But we all are bound to live in our own s**t one way or the other. 

When you don't understand, when you urge encouraging words with an unsure tone. 

You're tired. I'd like to sleep. Just rest my head on that pillow. 

Be safe. Be alone. Just sleep. Because it feels good. To forget about everything. 

I look to God, now. God, don't you love me? 

Help me, Lord. I've done stupid things in the past, it's hard to correct myself all the time. Bless her. Bless her for all the hard work she's done, Lord. 

Bless her for chasing after me with a worried countenance. 

Bless her for feeding me, clothing me, bless her for everything. 

And bless him, too, Lord. Bless him. 

Bless them both. Help me, God.

Author's Note

Kind of monologuing here...I was sad at one point and wanted to write. When I refer to "him" and "her", I mean my parents :'']