A mask of talent and desire

�" Dear Dear Friend! I appoint you to buy some bars of high-quality chocolate for dear artists, once they no longer accept any kind of money! I hope I can count on you?! �" The mischievous-eyed and visibly observant, grandmother-aged teacher asked the real-terrified university student, who, let's face it, never stood on the heights of the given situations with a calm heart, since she had her own ton of problems, because she never managed to remedy it to a sufficient extent.

Here, for example, was the fact that he fell head over heels in love with his groupmate, and he firmly believed that if the two of them managed to graduate and finally leave the much-suffering, bitter four years of university behind them, then in a small celebration as husband and wife they would create their happy and sad everyday life.

However, like almost all situations, the script of the place was written by life in capital letters, things turned out differently here as well. It just so happened that the literature teacher had the sharp, almost brilliant idea of inviting a small theater company of only five or six people to the next seminar session, thereby spontaneously promoting the most varied and colorful session of literature classes with later children.

However, Benedek felt like doing something else. Since he tried his hand at SZFE back then, where �" was more than likely not hired primarily because of his physical, overweight, and high blood pressure, he could take it for granted that if he too would act a little in front of the company's columnist and slightly conceited actors, then maybe sooner or later they will accept him among them, and maybe he can even perform in plays in their smaller building on Andrássy út, where even a hundred people could barely fit. In any case, the flirting of this brand new feeling was so liberating, and one could say joyful, that Benedek did not even notice, and from one moment to the next he completely forgot about the gloomy, somewhat apocalyptic, suicidal thoughts that inevitably crossed everyone's mind, if, for example, from vocabulary, semantics, and syntagmatics slipped into his lesson book, in any case, more than one unfriendly insufficient grade.

And now he stood here hesitantly to buy the six actors a hefty amount of chocolate bars. As always, he asked for the help of his mother, who immediately bought her little coat and went to the small general store at the bottom of their housing estate, so that the adult son of a grain would no longer have to worry about such trivial things. He's busy enough for the whole week anyway.

�" Here you go, my treasure! I brought some boards! �"'s mother carefully wrapped at least ten boards of high-quality chocolate in colorful paper napkins, and only hoped that the teacher would be satisfied with her son's performance.

The next day, Benedek was deliberately in the university earlier, and with a pounding heart, with constant sweating and wringing his hands, he was waiting for that characteristic literary seminar class, when he would have to brilliantly dazzle the actors so that he could finally show �", especially to those who did not want to believe in him - that yes, he is also capable of many things, but they never left him a single quarreling opportunity to prove himself.

�" Hi! I didn't even know you got up so early? �" asked, a little surprised, even in a morning stupor, his groupmate Kata, with whom he was deathly intoxicated, but he wouldn't have confessed for the world. (Sure, if only writing poetry doesn't matter.)

�" Ö... hi-hi! How are you? �" asked a lot because of the half-heartedness of his tongue, because it seemed that he was really terribly nervous.

�" I see something bothering me! You look so tense! Just not because of the idiotic literary theater? Kata asked curiously.

�" Is it that visible? �" took out a clean paper handkerchief to somehow soak up the sweat that promised to last from his forehead.

�" It will be fine! If you think so, I'd be happy to sit next to you and we'll support each other if the other person gets into trouble online! �" kindly held him by the arm while they entered the building and took a seat in the hall section.

�" The birds chirped that you also tried Acting! May I ask how you ended up here? �" was so charming and superstitious with those longing, romantic, big doe eyes that Benedek could hardly hide his blushing and the desires of his rumbling heart.

�" Well... this is a bit of a difficult question... �" took a deep breath before he started talking.

�" Just listen! I can see that this is stressful for you, so let's forget about it and you'll tell me at a good minute. Of course, only if you feel like it! �" gently smoothed his face against Benedek's sweater. Now it was so good to inhale the fresh scent of Cocolinos fabric softener. Later, of course, it turned out that Kata also likes this fresh pine scent.

�" I felt so unfair that I was overthrown by tongue twisters! I don't think it was fair! �" fell out of it after a minute or two.

�" Well... yes... unfortunately, this kind of thing happens, but I try to move on! �" confessed.

�" Ahah! And how are you going, because �" don't take it seriously - but in the last sociology lecture, I noticed a little bit that you were totally down on yourself. Like someone who immediately cries on the spot.

�" Don't be angry if I hurt you!

�" No problem! I hate it when a man shows his feelings honestly, without hesitation. This makes most relationships so honest and human.

Benedek could not admit to Kata that ever since he saw her on the first day of university, he had really been on her mind day and night, cherishing dreams that he wanted to come true. However, this still seemed very much the music of the future. In the meantime, the others also arrived, and immediately, like some chirping little chick, they mastered their best friend. From then on, Kata �", although there is no doubt that she tried to share her attention - she could only pay less and less attention to Benedek, who thought it better to leave her alone �", of course, only - temporarily the ladies.

Benedek always had a shortness of time for a minute or two, when no one disturbed him in a state of complete loneliness. In such cases, he was able to prepare properly, he was able to tune in to his next tasks to be solved, and he was able to be very grateful to his acquaintances and friends who respected him.

He barely looked at his Casio-type watch when he realized that he would have an apparition in less than ten minutes in one of the attic classrooms, so he decided to prefer the elevator reserved for the teaching staff. After all, you've never used it before, so it's a good moment to finally try it, just like most university students.

�" AH! Welcome dear Mr. Kollega! �" was greeted by one of his favorite modern, frothy literature professors. �" Nocsak! Did you still get yourself to try the elevator? �" inquired.

�" Dear professor, this is an integral part of a psychological survey! �" tried to cover up the whole conversation, because he was nervous anyway.

�" Well, this is very interesting! Beavatna? �" inquired, the old man became curious.

�" Professor, the essence of this experiment is that people who suffer from claustrophobia by default try to endure and endure being in a closed space! �" eavesdropped because he was afraid that he would be late for the big day of his life.

�" Oh... that sounds interesting too! Then we'll run into each other in class, and I'm definitely curious about the result! �" the sophisticated professor got out on the third floor, right next to the faculty rooms, and galloped into his closed office in a mood.

,,Please, don't let me down now!” �" tried to encourage Benedek himself as soon as he finally got out of the elevator close to the attic and hurried into the given mousehole-like classroom, where, according to the signs, education had already started a few minutes ago.

�" Well, finally, dear Benedek! I hope all is well?! �" looked at her more encouragingly than curiously at the phenomenal, grandmother-aged teacher.

�" Sorry for the delay teacher... wow... but I was held up a bit... �" blew the air trapped inside out of his lungs, then carefully reached into his gray briefcase and placed at least twenty bars of chocolate wrapped in napkins on the teacher's table.

�" Dear Benedict! I am very happy that he took at least this task seriously and fulfilled it! The actors will arrive soon. I would like to ask everyone not to hold back! Clown, fool around, like curious children, and ask as much important information as possible that interests you.

All members of the small company nodded in agreement, except for Benedek, who was still hesitating to ask good and tangible questions.

The actors arrived fifteen minutes late, and as soon as they took off their street clothes, they were ready to entertain the gathered university students. Various situational tasks were invented, where the goal was to test the problem-solving skills of most university students in a given situation. When it was Benedek's turn, almost everyone was quite surprised that he started behaving as if he were a completely different person, and not the speechless, constantly laced, unfortunate sucker-loser that most of his group mates could get used to.

�" Now, dear young people, a new game is coming! The goal is to associate poets and writers with some kind of food. It was once an association exercise, declared the most lanky possible scarecrow member of the troupe, at least one hundred and ninety tall. And while most of the ladies listened quietly and humbly because they didn't want to burn themselves, Benedek, on the other hand, was surprisingly lively and could appear dynamic, since it could seem that he alone held the majority in his word.

�" One of the famous poets of our country, János Arany, what kind of food could you compare it to? �" asked the snow-covered scarecrow guy a simple question for him. It is frozen, silent silence there was silence in the room. You could feel the tense attention.

Finally, Benedek jokingly moaned: �" Curd slide with lots of sour cream and stripes of salon.

The gurgling, tasty laughter erupted tangibly from the members of the small company, but so that in the room that increased the echoes they really cheered on Benedek's simply formulated answer, to which he was visibly delighted.

�" Well, what a brilliant skull this young man has! �" acknowledged the modest efforts of the scarecrow Benedict.

�" Shall we see, say, Füst Milan? Who thinks about him?

Even now, Benedict was the one who associated it with food:

�" Pork tenderloins in the manner of Our Lady!

Another wild laugh and laughter shook the little nook-like room. Then, at about a third of the class, the grandmother-old teacher modestly handed over the hearty chocolates brought by Benedek, which the members of the troupe freely and somewhat deservedly accepted.

�" Dear Benedict! Excuse me, but who could get a little tired? �" was politely asked by the teacher, whose tears were really already falling from laughter. He didn't seem to laugh that much in a very long time. Benedek left the room a little disappointed, and in the echoing corridor �", as he could hardly do anything else - he listened a little to his heart's content in a bit of a snarky way.

He heard that inside there, self-absorbed laughter and fooling around were going on happily and more freely, so his inferiority complexes surfaced again from the abandoned part of his soul, since he could have thought that if they had fun without him, then he might not be needed out of yoke anymore. He became very distraught at this, and with a hussar cut he began to think quite a lot about his own slightly shipwrecked, pitiful life, and managed to collect some orphaned tears in his handkerchief. All of a sudden he noticed that the end-of-the-clock bell had rung. , Now the eyes of the world are on him to return and show what he originally knows!”- he might have thought, then he carefully opened the door of the room and crept in like a snarling stranger. A questioning expression appeared on the face of the symptomatic teacher, just like in the eyes of most pretty ladies. As soon as he took a seat in his chair, Kata immediately nailed him softly and whispered:

�" So you?! Where the hell have you been?

�" They stopped me a bit! �" confessed.

�" Don't start again! �" snorted it a little harder.

The actors' last performance followed, and then they said goodbye to the company, but before all the actors left the room, some of them went to Benedek's bench and shook hands and congratulated him for his performance, which he thought was frenetic.

�" Well mate! Congrats! It was nothing! If you feel like acting, we will always have a free place reserved for you! �" they left the room with it.

The grandmother-old teacher had to go to her student so that she could question in detail why she did not come back to the room:

�" Benedek b honestly confesses what was his problem?! I can see that something is bothering him! �" crossed his arms in front of him.

�" Teacher... I like to know it was like... �" suddenly got stuck in his throat, because if he starts lying again, there is a high probability that he will catch himself in the eyes of this special teacher for life, and it is also possible that he will not be so kind and charming at the due rigor.

Fortunately, Kata grew up next to him, held him in her arms to feel that he was not alone in trouble, and immediately intervened:

�" Teacher please Benedek wanted to be an actor so much, but instead of a person, life dictates the rules of the game, so he could believe that if he could show everything now, something very important would happen that he had been waiting for in his life! �" squeezed his hairy paws hard to feel the encouragement and care of the other.

�" Well, that's very interesting, dear Benedek! You know, I've always watched you, and in many cases I couldn't get over your strange, strange behavior on a daily basis, but hats off to what you did in class, and I'm sure if you finally get a degree and the child starts teaching a they can get a fantastically sparkling, talented teacher. If I can help you with anything in the near future, or if you just want a friendly word or two, you will always find me, and I will not reject it! �" looked at him so kindly, grandmotherly, and caringly that it would have been impolite to refuse.

�" Ö... very, very thank you teacher! I'm honored! �" bowed as if in the theater.

As soon as the teacher left the room comfortably, Kata stared at her groupmate for almost impressively long minutes.

�" Well, my dear friend Benedek! It wasn't anything though! �" gave a blushed kiss to her ruddy face. �" The teacher really accepted you as her honorary granddaughter! �"'s voice felt a hint of edge and subtle irony.

�" I really like teachers who really show honest humanity to others and don't cut or shake people! �" declared as soon as he packed his things. �" Where are you going? �" risked an innocent question.

�" I should jump back to college, but of course the big stinking truth is that I have almost no desire to do it! How about I accompany you for a while?! Where are you going now?

�" Well... practically on the way home, as almost always, but I'm not offended that we're talking a little! �" said, then Kata put her arms around him, while she was carrying her shabby, weathered briefcase with the other, and they set off from the slightly dirty-white complex to the street, where even the weather seemed to favor them, since the sunbeam appeared measured in spots.

�" Can I be honest Benedek? �" slowed down the lady's steps seriously and significantly.

�" Sure, take it easy! �" tried to look at her, but she was afraid that she couldn't resist her superstitious deer eyes.

�" I think we can definitely agree that this is the first time you've shown who you really are! �" smiled confidence-inspiringly and had something spicy about black humor.

�" Well... thank you very much... But I hope that means good, right?! �" asked back.

�" Well... I really like it anyway... your style... �" Kata showed her knees shaking a little and her heart really throbbing. He hasn't dared to feel this fantastic feeling for so long that he's pretty much completely forgotten how liberating it is to be able to really surrender to it, and it's not at all necessary to be able to play himself anymore.

�" I thought, of course, only if you don't mind that we could introduce ourselves to your parents, and then when we got that crazy degree, we could talk about what our future together could be like! Well, what do you say?! �" was dreamy in this unforgettable, eternal moment, and Benedek felt that every word he said was equal to absolute truth. No one has ever told him such serious and fate-changing things. He was captured and quite surprised, because for long minutes he was only able to chatter and frolic. Later, they both went down to the subway, and while Benedek multiplied his steps in the direction of the South Railway Station, Kata started in the opposite direction, while they both knew that their souls were connected.

Reviews

[JayG]

• �" Dear Dear Friend! I appoint you to buy some bars of high-quality chocolate for dear artists, once they no longer accept any kind of money! I hope I can count on you?! �"

1. Whatever you’re using in place of quotation marks doesn’t work.
2. The excitement belongs in your words, not punctuation. That's why the rule is, one punctuation mark per sentence, If the people writing best sellers can get by with only one so can you. Were this part of a query to a publisher, here is where they stop reading.
3. Beginning with dialog, as you do here, doesn’t, in general, work. Why? The reader has no idea of where we are, who’s speaking and why, or, what’s going on. For you, who begins reading already knowing the situation, and what prompted this unknown person to speak, it works. You even know the emotion to place into the character’s voice — in reality, your voice. The reader? Not a clue. For them, someone unknown, for unknown reasons, asks an unknown person to buy chocolate, for “artists,” in an unspecified field for unknown reasons.

Will it become clear as we read on? No, because a confused reader turns away right then.

• The mischievous-eyed and visibly observant, grandmother-aged teacher asked the real-terrified university student, who, let's face it, never stood on the heights of the given situations with a calm heart, since she had her own ton of problems, because she never managed to remedy it to a sufficient extent.

1. At 48 words, this is a run-on sentence, packed like a fruitcake with multiple subjects, and, gossip from the author.
2. I give up, who’s making the observation that this person is mischievous-eyed? It can’t be you, because you’re not on the scene or in the story. And, Loki had mischievous-eyes, which wasn’t a good thing, while someone else might have them in a benign way. As the words are read the reader can’t know which you mean, and so lacks context.
3. And...what’s a "real-terrified university student," and why would someone ask a person who’s terrified to buy unspecified brand chocolates? You know. The one asking, and, the student, know. But unless the reader knows WHY it’s happening, it’s just words in a row meaning unspecified.

The problem that's getting in the way is that you’re trying to do the impossible, transcribe yourself telling the reader a story. It will work for you, of course, because as you read, the narrator’s voice — your voice — is filled with the emotion that the reader cannot know to place there. And you have backstory, situational information, and even what's going to happen. The reader has only the context you provide.

Verbal storytelling is a very specialized art, where HOW you tell the story, your performance, matters as much as what you say, because it’s via that performance that the storyteller provides the emotional component of the story. Remember, the storyteller has no actors, no props, and no scenery, and so, must substitute their performance for that. But...how much of the performance reaches the reader? Not a trace. Transcribing yourself storytelling provides the reader with a storyteller’s script, with NONE of the all-important performance notes and rehearsal time.

You’ve forgotten that on the page we have all the actors, the scenery, and the props that film does. True, we can’t provide a picture of the action, but we have a major strength that film lacks: We take the reader into the mind of the protagonist and make them know the situation as-the-protagonist-does, in all respects — in effect, calibrating the reader’s responses to those of the protagonist.

In this, as it stands today, your characters never change expression; never hesitate to think; never rephrase or analyze; use no gestures or body-language. How can they seem real?

Bottom line: In school they prepare us for employment, and so, give us the nonfiction writing skills of business, which are unrelated to those of the Commercial Fiction Writing profession.

We all recognize that we’re not ready to write a screenplay or work as a journalist. But, the pros make writing seem so natural and easy that we never apply that knowledge to writing fiction.

So...you have the desire. By writing, you're demonstrating that you have the necessary perseverance. What you’re missing is what’s often called, “The tricks of the trade.” Universities do, after all, offer degrees in the profession. Would they do that were the skills they teach optional?

So, to add realism to your words, you need to acquire those skills, practice them till they’re as intuitive to use as the nonfiction skills you’re presently using, and there you are.

Will that involve a lot of work? Of course. You'll be learning a profession. But learning what you want to know is always interesting, so...

Personally? I’d suggest starting with Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer. It's the best I've found to date at imparting and clarifying the "nuts-and-bolts" issues of creating a scene that will sing to the reader. And, it's free to read or download on the Internet Archive site linked to below.

https://archive.org/details/TechniquesOfTheSellingWriterCUsersvenkatmGoogleDrive4FilmMakingBsc_ChennaiFilmSchoolPractice_Others

Not good news, I know. But since we’ll not address the problem we don’t see as being one, I thought you might want to know.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334