LIFE SLAPS, FALLS

I could barely breathe all day. It was as if some inner recognition of the fact that a fateful turn was about to take place in my rather pitiful, average life had taken over in the most secret depths of my soul. After all - if we take it that way - it was no small thing that I was the only one in our small family who became a university student, so an educated person! I hardly slept at night. It's as if the troubled gears of my brain had always returned to the one direction that was curious about what I wanted to do with my life?!

I convinced my mother at the same time, I begged her not to go to the entrance exam with my good father, because on the one hand, my father had his own peculiar, grotesque, murderous jokes, and on the other hand, he liked to humiliate me in front of most people.

He did all this with false modesty, and with his can't-do-anything astonished, surprised facial expression, in which he sneaked in one or two childishly refined, devilish grins under his non-existent moustache.

"See my son!" No need to screw it up! They will catch me! This will be much better than the Drama for clowns! �" countered, while we mainly traveled by bus and metro for approx. our thirty-thirty-five-minute journey to the gloomy, dirty, off-white plastered building in Kazinczy Street, where it was literally teeming with young adults walking around like regular zombies.

If I only thought that from now on I would also be a respected and recognized member of the quasi-adult society, then I have already said a lot! My father - maybe he wanted to protect his own narcissistic ego at all costs - would never have allowed him to treat me like an adult in his stinky life. An example of this is the acquisition of the driver's license, which was thought to be cursed, which was another fine proof of my own restless defiance within our family. And when I said that I would be interested in other things, such as scriptwriting, directing a film, or poetry, etc. my father - true to his habit - started laughing so incredibly that his tears came out, and he waved me lightly, saying: I'm still an immature, egg-shelled scumbag, who - at least according to him - has not yet been trained, worked, ground and softened by the life.

"And when you've already worked forty hard years and you have a wife and children, then we'll come back to the topic!" - he really commanded the words and did not explain.

When we arrived a little late for the entrance exam, my father was perhaps at least as tense, frustrated and very excited as I was, yet it was as if he had to constantly hide from others, because he was afraid that he would almost expose himself, therefore he would be ashamed. At the time, I thought his behavior was a boyish fad, but thanks to my whole series of psychological and sociological studies, I gradually discovered things that had been deliberately hidden and swept under the rug, which I didn't really want to understand back then when I was a child.

"Well, my sweet boy, they would be here too!" - he looked around the huge square-shaped hall with his thorough, searching lynx eye, where the young people were already bustling. "I'm not saying good luck, just a big hat!" �" he flashed his sly, mischievous-boyish smile at me again, then duly pushed through the door and stepped out into the open street to relieve his unpleasant, neurotic frustration with a cigarette.

It was as if fate had conspired against me. I took the stairs to the classroom located on the third floor as if I had to go straight to some unknown firing squad, and that too completely innocently. Only circumstantial evidence could testify against me.

A middle-aged woman with papal eyes sat me down right next to the window, where the September sun was still perceptibly spelled out with brilliant sickle rays.

"You'll be fine here!" - he answered confidentially, and then went on to the next student as if he had closed his mouth.

The moment the person took his seat, almost immediately, a large, all-encompassing task sheet consisting of several groups of questions was thrown on the table in front of him, which had to be filled in strictly with a blue pen. In total, everyone had three full hours for this, and yet when you thought that if you started the work with the most difficult tasks, since you might finish the whole thing first, you could easily realize that more and more tasks waiting to be answered are yawning, waiting for you standing in wait. he snorts, as if threatened with this too.

It was a little after three quarter to five in the early afternoon when I finished my homework, and with a big lump in my throat, I got up from my seat and gave the homework to the woman with papal eyes who posted at the cathedral, who acknowledged my action with a mocking smile. Before I left he added:

"How do you feel?" Did it work?!

"I can't know..." I answered, then I quickly ran down the steps from the upper floor with my partner, as if they were at least chasing me or hunting me. m. Like a sweaty warrior in a sloppy necktie, black mail pants that stung like a knife, and a burgundy tie that allegedly offended public taste.

I stomped down into the subway at lightning speed and felt the belly of the earth, like some hellish inferno spewing out tired, volcanic-smelling wisps of steam. Later there was a draft, as if someone had deliberately opened all the ventilation grilles in the pitch-black tunnel.

The scrap metal rig screeched frantically as it arrived, and there was another ear-splitting screech as it braked and opened its automatic doors.

It was as if I were the main character of a movie, with the only difference that there is no second option here, since everything is already happening live. I literally jumped into the car and started to grip the handle so tightly that all the knuckles on my hands turned white.

"Even though the worksheet was child's play! - my mind went. A big stinky b*****d!” �" as soon as we started, I entrusted the task to the noisy draft so that my head could clear and my eternally restless soul could calm down.

Finally, after Moskva-tér, I somehow managed to calm down, and when I got off at the South Railway Station, it was as if I had already decided the question in myself, that it is not certain that my pre-planned things will succeed. Maybe even the faintest, tiny sparks of hope I buried deep inside and condemned.

When I got home, my mother already ran towards me and, with greedy curiosity, immediately started asking me while she was serving dinner how and how the written exam, which also fits the whole inquisition, was going on.

"It wasn't exactly a girl's dream!" I pushed him out, and even later he had to pull the words out of me one by one, patiently, because I was very withdrawn.

Just a few weeks later, an official, sealed letter arrived, which my mother didn't even want to open for me, but we still had to know how some people decided my fate?!

With trembling hands, my mother opened the paper with the coat of arms, which stated that with seventy-two points I was entitled to a cost-reimbursed education, which means that if you can pay the tuition and other costs, you can be a student at the given university with a long history.

"Get them in!" - replied my good father, raw, with diamond hardness, who could barely - in many cases - restrain his temper, and there was a great risk that his temper could explode at any moment. At that time, it was not advisable to stay near him for a long time.

"Oh, daddy!" You don't have to hit the wall right away! Our son was finally accepted to university and now that's all that matters! �" My mother tried to calm my father down with every imaginable means, but this hardly proved to be an effective method.

"They don't need to be afraid of anything, my dear!" Your father and I will pay for everything! The most important thing is that you become an educated person, and that's a fantastic thing! - my mother encouraged me, while I was scratching my own conscience about what other trials and tests the so-called capital life?