SUBMERGED CONSCIOUSNESS

I wanted to lie in your arms,

 to bow my orphaned, boyish head.

 So I dreamed of heaven,

 of possible fulfillment!

 In the halos of found harmony,

 without the old consciousness of barriers

 and ropes, to bathe in the dark stream

 of your bug-eyed eyes,

 - and to feel: my life is not in vain,

 that I need you! 

Thy fine braid of beautifully curved, 

veined hair would embrace me,

 not choking, but as gently as a luxuriant ivy,

 And teach me from this world the lesson of brave,

 uplifted stand and hold,

 though all seems to shrink! 

The dreaming imagination

 has now deceived me, 

It has both lied and failed me 

- I would have flirted with the Kharübdis

 throat of the wave- Depths; 

I would have faced the passing,

 but only if you had squeezed 

my hand with all your might.

 The twilight would have made

 us explode rainbows,

 and while volcanic eruptions

 with celestial badges

We would find the earthly wonder,

 the infinite in each other.

 I would have listened with

 my phonendoscope elephant-ears

 to your tiny, bell-ringing heart 

singing unknown messages to me.

 I'd have greeted your

 merrily-idamous lost self,

 When only your heart was broken again,

 a tragic loss!

So would I have remained by thy side

 A humble guest, a shipwrecked pity

 Of worn moral values,

- Now I rest in thy unredeeming

 Madonna's lap.

 My orphaned, unsteady soul,

 my pillows' peace-bringing

 captivity cannot soothe.

 In the corner of my room I lurk,

 and if I am asked,

 Why have I not married and committed myself?

 I answer, "Thy deer-eyed maidenhood

 keeps me in immortal rapture,

 in shackled captivity,

 in the pitiful shackles of eternal exile,

 that I have let go the happiness

 I have found, I have let it drown!