WAKE TO REALITY

To hide, to escape. 

With the cheaply-measured

 weights of Tomorrows

 on my limbs, 

painted green-blue by the aching vengeance!

 I should hide - yes,

 hide in the deep hiding-places

 of blessed-hearted mothers.

 Unfold while you can the unknown safety-net

 to shelter and protect you!

 - Or in diligent mole mode,

 digging tunnels of thickening

 caverns underground: field worms,

My real lack cannot be complete,

 cannot be whole: my nagging conscience

 plays daily question and answer with me,

 and recognises my lack.

 - It is the weight of the task

 that pulls me back: 

the responsibility of pen and paper keeps

 calling me back, 

pulling me back to the sobering consciousness;

 I cannot yet leave, 

nor can I yet be part 

of the contemplative Nothing, 

in whose kingdom I shall be transformed

 as a degraded dross, under persistent,

 unwearied patience!

 The law of hiding binds me,

 compels me to forget my humanity,

 and in the abysses of my selfishness

 I may seek my own way out!

 The wounded and broken code-organs

 of the day are always watching, 

who is it that, in your mania of persecution,

 follows you behind your back,

 obsessed, orphan-murdering?

 I have deliberately hidden myself 

in thy heart with my complimentary treasures

 - that thou mayst always remember me,

 if thou canst,

 - yet I could not account

 for my soul and face it, 

not to move! I dare not, for a moment,

 to feel self-esteem and self-confidence,

 and now I know at last - it would be in vain to jump: 

I can never enjoy your unfulfilled,

 blissful love with you!