Crimson Night

Short story I had to write for class...

“Where are you going Zafina?” A deep voice taunted the petite girl. 

The thunder and her pulsating heart pounded away at her ear drums as she raced through the wood as fast as her legs could carry her. Not a creature dared to intercept her as her bare feet pounded away at the forest floor. Perhaps they were all cowering in fear at the mere thought of the beast of a man which lurked through the shadows of the night and was now after Zafina herself. Rain drenched her white night gown. Her hands constantly shifted the strands of amber hair matted to her face. She silently winced at the twigs snapping beneath her feet. Branch after branch assaulted her face, some leaving a streak of crimson blood in their wake as they whipped against her face. She could feel the blood slowly trickle down her cheeks. Her breath came and went in shallow wheezes. Her eyelids drooped, threatening to close. She could feel her legs slowing down, daring to collapse beneath her. No! Keep going!

 “Zafina, don’t run away. I just want to talk to you.” The gravelly voice continued to taunt her. 

Why couldn’t he leave her alone? She knew why. That was a stupid question. Tears threatened to spill as she found herself tripping over a twig which tore at her dress. Her body began tumbling down a hill, covering her in leaves, dirt, and what she could only hope was mud. Once she reached the bottom of the hill, she pulled her knees inward and wrapped her arms around them. She knew she should run or scream for help; but her voice had grown far too weary and her legs "well, they held not even a flicker of hope. She tucked her head in and began to sob. He was coming and there was nothing she could do. She continued to weep for sometime before her mouth silenced. 

“Snap"followed by another " Snap " and another"Snap.”

 Each break echoed louder in her ears than the last. She shut her eyes tight in anticipation of what was to happen next. Her body shuddered as she released an extremely shaky exhale. A single tear mingled with the blood staining her face. Her bottom lip quivered as she sunk her teeth into it to refrain from screaming. Maybe he wouldn’t see her.

“There you are”, he teased. 

Her eyes shut even tighter as she felt the beast near her until she could finally feel his hot breath slink down her neck. Her entire body shuddered as he brushed her doused hair over her shoulder. Tears continued to silently mingle with her blood stained face as a cold blade ran down over half of her back. She could feel the rain pounding against her bare skin. He must have cut it open. 

“Turn around Zafina”, the devil ordered. She couldn’t move a muscle even if she wanted to. The fear he had invoked held quite the grip on her. She released a shaky breath as the blade continued to trace up and down her back in a slow, antagonizing rhythm. 

 “I want to see you”, he continued. 

Zafina winced as the blade bit into her flesh. She shuddered at the blood trickling down her back as her eyes opened. Her hazel eyes gleamed with tears. She knew he wouldn’t stop until she turned around. And so, she surrendered to his demand. His normally dark brown eyes morphed an ebony black as dark as the starless night. He shoved her flat onto her back.

“When will you ever learn?” A wicked smile overtook his striking features as he trailed the blade along the side of her face.  Her eyes, gleaming with fear, fixated on him. Her stomach churned at the thought of his 60-watt smile being the last thing she would see. A single tear fell down her cheek as the blade sliced through the delicate veins of her neck. Immediately, the world around plunged into an eternal darkness…

Author's Note

Let me know what you guys think :)

Reviews

[Hebe]

Tashida my friend you have some writing power ! This story is so gripping and the detail in which you describe motion, fear, emotion is incredible. ...i think this should definitely be a book!

[Tashida]

Thanks alot Hebe... I was actually thinking about that just have to figure out how to start it :)

[Jessi]

I like it! Your style is very nice. It flows well.

[Tashida]

Thank you I'm glad you enjoyed

[Anne]

Quite the story! It has me wondering what happened before, and where this story may lead to? Is this just one in a series of kills? Curiosity is piqued!

[Tashida]

i haven't quite decided where it's going quite yet... but i do know this is one in a series...
Thank you for stopping by though... if i update it, you will be the first to know ;)

[Makrix Mottle]

Quite interesting. I wish there was a bit of back story, but still an amazing story. Also, I think the guy hunting her is a robot.

[Tashida]

Yea i couldn't get too into it since i only had a page to work with. And why a robot?

[Makrix Mottle]

Well it says he had a 60-watt smile, his eyes changed color, and the description of the twigs snapping gave me the idea that he walked kind of methodically. His dialogue also seemed a bit robotic.

[Tashida]

hmmm..... I love your viewpoint on this. The antagonist in this piece is a human (at least his form is... he's a bit psychotic.) The 60-watt smile was a metaphor...and his eyes changed color because he's a bit paranormal... and the dialogue was meant to showcase his psychoticness.
But like i said: I like ur viewpoint... it's very unusual and creative. U might've inspired my next short story.

[matrixmark]

I like, I like, I like.
The dialogue which you have put into this, fits the perfectly into this short story. You could easily place yourself in this womans shoes; fearing for her life as the devil hunted her down.

The tension was good, considering the piece was small. But you pulled it off really nicely and I was impressed with the work.

By the way - the girls name: Zafina - It was a great choice of name.

Kudos to you.
Mark.

[Tashida]

Thank you very much :) that means a lot considering you're like the king of suspense ;)

[matrixmark]

You're very kind with your words. I appreciate it.
I also appreciate the amount of work which has been put into this piece - its not an easy thing to do.
Always a pleasure to read your work.

Mark.

[Tashida]

Thank you and the same goes to you :)