Burning Beginning

I sat on the porch, weary. I thought back to the day that I still clearly remember. The day that I set Mount. Cryst on fire.

I heard of my birth from tales and rumors. It was a quiet, peaceful day. The Gods were having a grand feast on Mount. Cryst. They had invited 5 courageous mortals to join them. It was in the middle of the feast that my mother stood abruptly and retreated to her dorm.

“What is wrong, my beloved?” asked my father. He had followed her into her quarters and stood at the foot of her bed.

“Oh, Cacios, when I look around I see all of these brave men and women. I have been on this planet for nearly 500 years and have not yet had a single warrior child to call my own. Does my loom know not the way to make fruits? We have no heir to inherit the throne if something drastic may find itself upon us. What if something were to happen and our own brothers and sisters start to fight each other and shed blood? Although we are immortal, we are not invincible.”

“My dear queen, if only I had known you wanted to bear a child! The mite of my lightning combined with the strength of your wind will produce the perfect baby. Come, follow me.” With that said, they both left the room and went outside where the morning sun shone into their faces. My father aimed his finger at the sky and lightning shot upward. Then, my mother filled her heart with hope and strength. She moved her hands in a graceful manner and a set of powerful winds came and blew around the lightning. The wind rotated fast, and just before a tornado could form, an explosion took place at the very top of that one lightning strike.

My father lowered his finger and my mother held out her hands. Soon, a little baby boy, me, lay in her hands. My parents rushed inside and called a meeting. In the conference room sat all of the Gods in their name-plated chairs. My parents stood in the middle and held me up in the air, showing all of the Gods their future ruler if something horrible were to happen. Everyone applauded at the success of them creating me. “He shall be called...Kiro!” my mother shouted. Her voice echoed off the walls of the room.

“He'll make a mighty fine warrior!”

“I wonder if he'll be wise?”

“He'll have the power of healing and music!”

“He'll be loved by all!”

The Gods chattered amongst themselves. No one noticed the tiny spark on my little finger. It soon blazed up and my whole body was engulfed with flames. Then, the flames radiated and burst away from my body, burning down everything in site. Suola rushed to put the fire out but she was too late. The home of the Gods was no more, until Theodus, God of the forge who liked to make and build things, repaired it.

Everyone stared at me like I was a curse. My father told Suola to take me outside while the rest of them talked amongst themselves.

“Everyone has to be control of something, and I'm tired of some of these mischievous souls escaping their death,” said Emae, Goddess of wisdom.

“Yes, I agree. How is it that we have no God in charge of these souls, yet? They need to be kept in the underworld. How are they escaping?” Samrio, God of war, asked.

“Yes, yes, I agree,” said my father, “Kiro will be the God of death. The most important God if you think about it, since he will be able to control life itself. Take life, give life to those that had it taken, make sure these souls are kept in their place.”

So, from my birth up until now I was the God of death. I had no choice whatsoever about the matter. I was placed into the underworld, and in the beginning, the Gods would take equal turns watching me down there. As I grew older, they stopped coming.

I sat up, not realizing that I had bored myself to sleep. It was morning. I felt a bit weakened since I no longer had my powers, and was hungry. I stood and knocked on the white door. “Well, here goes,” I said to myself.

Reviews

[gloomysundays]

Let's start with the start of the story.

"I thought back to the day that I still clearly remember. The day that I set Mount. Cryst on fire.

I heard of my birth from tales and rumors."

How can he remember the day clearly if he only heard of it from others?

Aside from that, I don't really understand why the Gods would give a child the power over something so big. Especially a child that just burned down their home. I felt like everything happened rather randomly. They're at a feast and then suddenly decide to make a baby and call a meeting and then everything randomly bursts into flames.

Like I said in my review of the other chapter of your story, everything is jumbled around. You're not organizing your thoughts and planning everything out as it should be. You're writing everything out as it comes and unfortunately, some people simply can't do that.

The plot is still very interesting, I just wish everything was better written.

Good luck and happy writing.

Cheers.
75/100