Punishment

I watched as the city was burned alive. One could see fire lighting up the night sky and smoke soaring through it. I stared with a blank expression on my face as the world I knew and didn't love collapsed around me. I looked into the faces of burning people, and they looked into mine. I could see the terror they felt and I smiled.

My name is Kiro and I am immortal. My father is Cacios, king of the Gods, and my mother is Taraquin, queen of the Gods. You would think that I, being the prince of the Gods, wouldn't be standing here watching people burn, but I'm the one who set them on fire. Why, you ask? The reason being is because I hate my parents because at my birth I set Mount. Cryst, the place where we Gods live, on fire. As an eternal punishment I was deemed God of death. So, now I'm just out here destroying the wretched world and causing the pitiful humans to curse and defy the Gods. I vowed to get revenge on my parents and all of the Gods as much as I could, and I'm making that vow true. I'm already banned from Mount. Cryst at the age of 17. You don't want to mess with an angry teenage God.

Everything suddenly stopped. The sound of water being sprayed replaced the crackling sound of fire. I looked around the commotion and spotted Suola, the Goddess of the seas and my father's sister. So technically speaking, my aunt. She erased every smoke in sight. The people who were still alive bowed to her and in my mind I cursed at her. “Begone!” she yelled at the bystanders, but of course they had nowhere to go being that most of the homes were laying in ashes. Suola took me by my arm and next thing I knew we were standing on a deserted beach.

“Kiro! What do you think you're doing?”

“What did it look like?” I replied nonchalantly.

My mother and father appeared out of nowhere and dismissed her. “Kiro, you have caused your mother and I to take drastic consequences. From now until you've learned to act like a God and take responsibility you are relieved of your Godly powers and will live like a mortal,” my father said.

“You can't do that! I'm already cursed with the wretched souls of the underworld!”

“You will live with a mortal family that we are very familiar with and has done great deeds in their ancestral history. As great as a mortal's deeds can be. The Daloui family. We have already notified them

of your arrival,” continued my mother. Then, her hands lit up a bright blue and I felt my strength and power drain out of me. She then inserted all of my powers into a jar that I just now realized she was holding. As if it wasn't bad enough, she summoned Harios, keeper of the Gods, and handed him the jar. He took off, probably to his garage of a workshop where nothing goes missing or unnoticed from his watchful eye.

“It's your fault that I'm the way I am,” I muttered under my breath. They payed no remind to my remark. The surroundings around me changed and I was standing on a porch, deserted and alone.

Author's Note

Please tell me your honest feelings of what you think of this.

Reviews

[gloomysundays]

While I think the plot and the general idea of the story is very interesting, I think that you might have tried to rush into the story. You should have spent more time explainig how exactly Kiro was able to set Mount. Cryst alight when he was born or how he even has the power of fire manipulation when he apparently only reigns over the underworld. It all seems like a really good idea that wasn't exactly thought-out to well. Try getting a piece of paper and jotting down ideas and things so you can keep things more organized, lengthy and you don't lose focus.

Also, pay attention to your past tenses. Example: "and fire and smoke lighted up the night sky."
Even though both lighted and lit are considered past tense versions of the word "light", lighted is very often used as an adjective rather than a verb so it can be very confusing to people. (For example: lighted cigarette)
Aside from that, smoke can't really light anything up either so that's also a bad form of phrasing. Just watch out for that.
Thank you for joining my contest, by the way. Good luck and happy writing!

Cheers!
78/100

[Tasha]

Thanks for your advice. I'm writing now on how he set it on fire.