The Reaper

This nightmare was one of the most frightening experience I have ever witnessed in a dream before. It reoccurred very often when I was younger, all the way up until something really happened. After having this nightmare, I would be extremely anxious and highly aware of my surroundings, keeping her in my sight at all times. I will never forget this nightmare, for it was one of the most vivid dreams I’ve ever had and it has scarred me for the rest of my life. So, here it goes.

. . .

I was walking down a long and narrow hallway. It was dark, the walls were black with red accents lining them. The ground beneath me wasn’t any type of carpet or wood. No, it was cement. Black cement. It was cold, and for some reason, I was barefoot. I wore dark colored jeans and a plain t-shirt. My dog, Hailey, whom I’ve had since I was just a baby, was walking by my side. No leash needed, she was loyal and obedient. The hallway was never ending. There was no light at the end, just darkness. I was afraid, deathly afraid. Not of the dark itself, but of what lurked within. We kept on walking for some reason. I couldn’t stop myself.

Finally, after a long time of walking, there was an opening. We walked forward into the black nothingness that started to fill with noises I’ve never heard before. Screeches, gurgling noises, and something dragging… I couldn’t see and since my dog had black fur, I couldn’t see her either. I had lost her. I felt around for her, but nothing. I called out her name in whispers, afraid something out there would hear me. The noises grew louder though, and still no sign of Hailey.

I saw something glowing from afar. It looked as though it was hiding behind blackness. I called out again. It heard me. I stopped dead in my tracks as it turned slowly. My eyes widened and my heart started racing, but I couldn’t move. I was in shock. There was a horrifying skull-type face looking at me. It had blood seeping out of its bones, but there was no skin. The bones weren’t even white. They were a dark brownish red, stained from the blood. It started gliding towards me, picking up speed quickly. For a split second I thought that Hailey was gone, that it had taken her and killed her, but then I heard her bark. I looked behind me, my eyes were adjusted to the dark so I could make out her figure and glowing eyes. It saw her too. I saw it change paths, moving towards my dog. I ran after Hailey, calling for her, screaming at her to run away.

I got a better look at the thing gliding towards us as I passed it, running to my dog. It was like a Reaper. It had a weapon. That’s what was dragging. It was a Scythe, the Reaper’s weapon of death, of course. I ran past my dog, yelling for her to come and she followed close behind. She was old, though. She started getting slower. I knew I couldn't carry her though, she was too heavy. I kept encouraging her to run, but she became slower and slower.

The Reaper lifted his Scythe and I screamed. It reached so far, and grabbed hold of Hailey. The Scythe skinned her alive. Her whole fur coat ripped off, revealing her naked body. I could even see her veins and heart through. She was bleeding out, but she kept walking. I stopped and I couldn’t move. I was in tears as I watched the Reaper lift his Scythe again. I turned away and ran. In the distance, I heard Hailey yelp in pain and then she went silent. I looked back. Blackness. The Reaper was gone, she was gone. I stood there by myself, drenched in tears. Asking myself over and over, ‘How could I run?’ ‘Why didn’t I grab her?’ ‘Why didn’t I sacrifice myself?’

And then it was over. I was awake.

. . .

In reality, my dog was skinned alive, by another dog, though. And she walked past me, bleeding out, but still walking to the house. I could see everything. I just stood there in shock, screaming.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The description was very good. You made the reader feel the thoughts and the struggle. The detailed description allowed the reader to see the vision of the reaper and the sad ending for the poor dog. Thank you Amanda for sharing the excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Natasha]

Natasha* Haha. But thank you!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Natasha.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

The sentiment was there.
You could feel what the author was going through and what a struggle it was.
It was captivating and filled of intensity.
Keep up the great work!

Your friend,

C. Lee Battaglia

[Natasha]

Thank you so much

[SJ Mullins]

I am so sorry in reality you had to experience this with your dog. What a horrific thing to have to experience. Your imagery is outstanding. It made me feel as if I was the one in the nightmare. If there is anything that creeps me out the most in a nightmare, it is something dragging. Brilliantly penned.

[Natasha]

Thank you and I appreciate your feedback!

[SJ Mullins]

I have had an experience with the reaper. He appeared to me the night before I miscarried my first baby. It was quite frightening, and you are most welcome.

[Natasha]

I'm really sorry to hear that...

[SJ Mullins]

Thanks. It was terrifying to experience like your nightmares, only I don't feel it was a nightmare.

[SJ Mullins]

I woke up and looked up and he was standing there in his black robe looking down at me. We were at my parent's lake place for the weekend with the rest of my family. There was a half-bath in the bedroom we were staying in. I had left the light on in the bathroom, but had pulled the door almost to. There was still adequate light in the bedroom. I had fixed it that way because being pregnant, I had to get up and go pee a lot. It was quite frightening to look up and see that creepy thing standing over me. I put my head under the covers and peeped back out, and it was gone, but the next day, so was my baby. :( I wrote about it. It's in my poetry titled Gone. Keep writing! It's great therapy!

[Natasha]

Wow, that's really sad. I am really sorry about that. My story of the Girl in the Blue Dress is about my sister that I lost. A stillborn. I'll check out your poem!

[SJ Mullins]

I gathered as much. So horrific. Hugs and prayers

[N.]

I think you created a very vivid story. You use great detail and the story is strong and interesting. In my opinion, the only that was missing was maybe a little more background on Hailey. If you could add more background on that character to make the reader care about what happens to the character, I think it would make your already strong story even stronger. N.

[Natasha]

How do I add background to a nightmare that I had though?

[N.]

Make it up, it is your nightmare, so you can add or take away whatever you please. It is not like your lying you are just being creative.

[Natasha]

I guess that's true

[N.]

Ok, Peter Pan is not your story, yet you did an amazing job expanding the story being what was already known, so do the same with your stories. You already shown you have to tools.

[Natasha]

Yeah, thank you. I'll have to think of how to incorporate it. Either in the nightmare itself or in the little intro

[barleygirl]

This is a good storytelling of a dream . . . honestly not as easy as one would think . . . you've included much detail & association so we can understand what things looked like & what things mean. You've done a good job of metering the suspense all along, such as walking down this hallway, which could be a boring thing, but you've made it interesting.

Here's one suggestion . . . you could switch from TELLING to SHOWING more often, I think. Here's an example . . . you TELL us how the sounds sound: "Screeches, gurgling noises, and something dragging" . . . but this could be written slightly different to be more like punctuations of sounds and sights and feelings and smells and tastes . . . it could be like dialogue --the reader is hearing it, instead of being TOLD what it sounds like. I hope you understand this minor distinction . . . as SHOWING is the mark of the best writing, instead of TELLING . . . (((HUGS)))

[Natasha]

Thank you, and are you meaning as in like "Sccreeechhhh" in dialogue as if that's what they heard instead of saying "screeches, gurgling noises...etc" as in explaining?

[barleygirl]

Yes . . . just make the sound as a statement, rather than describing the sound which is one step removed from the actual scene. Think about it as if putting the reader INTO your scene, rather than telling him/her about it. I think some of the best writers on here are the ones who make up words to perfectly fit a scene, helping us experience it with all the senses . . .

[Natasha]

Okay, I'l definitely revise the stories, thanks for your help :)

[Farhan Shaikh]

Very good description and everything is very good in this story..sad ending and i loved it..

[JayG]

• I was walking down a long and narrow hallway. It was dark, the walls were black with red accents lining them.

You’re writing this like a report. But reports aren’t entertaining. They only inform, and all to often, bore the reader. You want to make your reader live the dreams, not learn the details of them. So instead of presenting a memory, recited by a narrator whose voice is heard a monotone (the reader can’t hear the emotion in the voice as they read, the way you do), present it in the moment the protagonist lives it, viewed AS they experience it, not as some later incarnation of the character remembers it.

Done that way, the opening would be more like:
- - - -
The narrow hallway in front of me seemed to stretch out forever, dark and unsettling. Black walls, accented with red absorbed what little light there was, making it hard to see.

Beneath my bare feet, black concrete chilled with each step and made me wish for shoes.
- - - -
See the difference? In this approach, we’re not being told about the events, we’re getting the moment-by-moment impressions of the one living the scene, presented in the order, and in the way, they encounter and react to them.

When you say, “It was cold,” and THEN explain that the protagonist is barefoot, you place effect, the cold, before cause. But in life, and for the one experiencing the story, cause always comes first, which is why I mentioned the bare feet before the cold, and presented the effect of being barefoot after the fact of it. Without that cause and effect, there would be no reason to mention either. Presenting events in the viewpoint of the one living it keeps the author invisible, and working in the service of the action rather than placing them in front of the action, blocking the view.

You reverse cause and effect often. First you have her eyes opening wide, and THEN you tell why. Only a storyteller can do that. But how can a storyteller stand with the characters without them asking who she/he is? And if we’re with the storyteller instead of the characters living the story, how can it seem real? See the problem?

The short version: At the moment you’re using the report writing skills we’re trained to in our school days. That’s great if you’re writing a report, or nonfiction. But your reader isn’t looking to learn the details of your dreams, they’re looking to be made to live them, and that takes an approach and methodology very different from the kind of writing skills we learned in school. They only report, and here you’re looking to entertain.

So the bad news is that our school-day writing skills won’t do it for fiction. The good is that you get to learn a cool new set of skills. And maybe like Stephen King, once set up with the necessary tools, you can turn nightmares into big bucks.

Of course there is the tiny detail that acquiring those skills is as hard (or as easy) as perfecting the nonfiction skills you presently use were, so it takes time, study, and practice—a LOT of practice. It is a profession, after all. But if you were meant to be a writer, the learning is fun, and the way to acquire it is as close as the local library system’s fiction writing section. There you’ll find the views of successful writers, publishing pros, and teachers.

My personal suggestion, as always, is to seek the names, Dwight Swain, Jack Bickham, or Debra Dixon on the cover.

But whatever you do, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing

[pia]

Ok im gonna tell you a story.....cuz ive had an experience of dreams coming true...........its terrible
Im not a superstitious person but what happened was super creepy....in 2014 i was done with school ready to enter college....and in my first few months i used to get recurring dreams about my teeth being pulled out.....like i got actual dreams of that and i cud feel the pain.....my friend told me that it was a sign of someone close to you dying. And i was like fam thats crazy...i even googled it snd it was a sign of someone dying.
I kid you not during that month. One of my best friend died in a crash crash along with her boyfriend. I traumatised for so many years still am.
I had that dream again last year and my cousin died.
Idk it its mere coincidence or what but its super scary and all the more reason why im sorta intrigued by this...
I love the atmosphere youve created here.....and description i love the details and flow of what youve written.

[Natasha]

Wow, that really is crazy and I'm really sorry about that. But thank you for reading and commenting :)

[matrixmark]

This sentence - I knew I could carry her though, she was too heavy.
I think the word 'could' should be 'couldn't'

The imagery was preyy well done - it was easy to imagine such a place, yet terrifying at the same time. It immediately gave of the feeling of doom.
The nighmare you describe here would be a pretty damn frightening one to have. The floatiness of the skull and also the approach of the Scythe would be terrifying for anybody to have in a nightmare. I felt sorry for Hailey as she slowed and struggled to get away.
When you mention the scynthe dragging: heres a suggestion - add the the scraping sound and how it made the girl feel. It know its just a little thing but, sometimes its the little things that bring more realism.

A good piece to have read.

Mark.

[Natasha]

Thank you! I will definitely make those changes. And yes it is a terrifying nightmare to have, as I have had it.

[matrixmark]

I know the feeling. I used to suffer from night terrors.

Mark.