Hope u will like it......and please review...no matter if its good or bad.... I just more and more advices and suggestions......I know I have to learn more.....So, plz help me up....
My Review
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There's a lot of potential here that you just need to up your game to reach. "From the road I've hack" just doesn't make sense, and I found myself stopping here to try to understand meaning rather than continuing with the flow of your piece. "everyone" and "one" is a low level rhyme and it could be stronger. "Who gave me shine" Should be changed to "Made me shine". "All I'm feeling is useless dummy" the line after it doesn't rhyme while the rest of your piece does. Consistency is key, and this line also is worded awkwardly. Change "Lil", "cuz", "y" to Little, because, and why, because using terms like this makes you sound uneducated, which you clearly are not! Your topic choice is deep and emotional, and there's a lot of potential here, it's just about reaching it. Also remove the ??? because it also makes your work seem immature. I hope these suggestions and the advice helps, as I saw in your authors note that you were looking for help to improve. :)
well...not so dull..very creative :) & a nice image to go with this poem. Did you draw this, if you don't mind me asking..I really like images that have been created with pieces of writting.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Nope, I didn't drew it.... But yeah, I paint...but not this one.....And I'm glad that u liked it...... read moreNope, I didn't drew it.... But yeah, I paint...but not this one.....And I'm glad that u liked it.... Thank you for the review
I'm a girl......just a girl with lot of characters....I passed 15 years of my life and felt the sweetness and bitterness of this teenage.......Soon, i'll be 16 yrs......a lot of things are waiting for.. more..