Pathetic.

This is a rewrite of a thing I wrote back at the end of January. I liked some of it, so I wanted to re-do it, for you guys. :3 (Angsty. Sorry.)

I want to show myself,
But I cannot do it,
I cannot let you near me
I reek of mould and dust
I taste like ash.

I have no soul,
Or one dried up and blown away
Mostly though, I am insecure.
I wax poetic to make you believe
Believe that I feel something,
Believe that I care about something,
Believe that I'm not as empty as I think.
That just maybe my one track mind
Could be stuck in something besides this.
Besides how "lonely" I think I am
How secluded, how closed off to feeling
How I have no personality,
And apologize for existing too loudly.

Maybe I should go to the moon.
Make friends with the man that lives inside.
Perhaps he could show me how to feel.
To speak without trembling,
Tripping over words I don't quite know how to say.
How to express myself,
How to quit pulling back from everythin kind.
How do to something reckless,
How to not care what people think.

But I don't know how to go to the moon,
And I do not know the man there.
I am on my own for all that I know,
Unable to speak, unable to grow,
Choked by my own mind
Throttled by insecurity.
So sure that I can never be loved.

Sometimes though,
In these little night moments,
I still feel a beating flutter,
Somewhere, caged inside,
There is something that tells me that
Perhaps one day things could change
I could speak, and dance and sing,
And not be afraid.
Not wonder if every word I said was wrong

It doesn't tell me how to do it though,
And my mind has a rut down the middle
To deep to climb out of alone.
I don't mind it down here so much.
It's quiet, and oftentimes
Sort of peaceful.

Only when the bird flutters,
And scolds me for being pathetic,
Do I ever look at those who live
In some semblance of normality
And feel, just the slightest bit, envious.

Author's Note

It's long, and it's whiney, and it's kind of dumb, be honest. Tear it up, do not cut it any slack.

Reviews

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. you're articulate ... you're fearless ... you're bright ... and you're progressive ... these words are bound to light many journeys ... like mine ...