Ferdinand and Toppy's Last Magic Trick

Writing exercises return- rabbit/train/squint

"I wasn't always like this Toppy", Ferdinand regretfully stated to the worn top hat resting comfortably on the train seat. Ferdinand looked around the train car, and then shook his white head rubbing the back of his neck. His once bright blue eyes were only halfway open, wincing and tearing from powdered makeup. "I mean seriously. Who imagines their life as a magicians prop? A toy for entertainment? I used to have a family you know. I was the father of 24 no 25 bunnies! And now just look at me!" Ferdinand's nose crinkled in disgust motioning to his ragged fur and bent ear. He looked up towards the top hat for sympathy and knew the silence meant the accessory understood completely."Do you think I enjoy being pulled out of you night after night? Well I tell you right now that I don't enjoy it one bit. It's like that dream where you're naked in front of all your class mates. You know the one I'm talking about right? Right- well, it's THAT feeling every single day!" The hat slid to the back as the train curbed around a corner, and Ferdinand nodded. "Exactly- so you've felt it too."

The hat bounced up and down from the train turbulence. The rabbit let out an unnecessarily long sigh and fell back against his wired cage. A twisted wire sticking out poked Ferdinand in the back sending him yelping to the front of the cage. "Dang this blasted hunk of metal! How many times must I be scratched, poked, and prodded before I get an upgraded suite to travel in?  Must I bleed more? Must I rip off my tail and hang it for all to see?!" With an angered fist, the rabbit ripped off a chunk of his already beaten tail and impaled it on the mangled cage wiring.

The hat said nothing, but Ferdinand knew he was making it uncomfortable. Toppy was a hat of few words. In fact no words, but Ferdinand could read him like a book. Pulling his long ears over his eyes, Ferdinand mumbled, "I'm sorry Toppy. I went too far and got ahead of myself. It won't happen again." Ferdinand released his ears to stare at the top hat who thought about what Ferdinand had said. After a moment, the air was cleared and all was forgiven.

"I just feel like I'm going crazy. I should be out there!", Ferdinand said sweeping his paw to the window. "Look at all that land and we're just passing it by! Places to explore. Adventures to seek! New mysterious creatures that have never been discovered and we're missing it Toppy!' Ferdinand lowered his voice to a serious whisper, "We're missing all of it." The hat seemed to let out a small sigh.

The rabbit said nothing more. He paced back and forth until his hind legs gave out and he fell face first in a dramatic collapse. " I'm done. I'm out of the business. We've had a good run, but I just can't take it anymore." The rabbit slowly rolled over to one side and gently placed anchored his arm so his head rested on his open paw. "And how about you? I'm sure you've got better places to be. Things to do other than sittin on top of a head all day long?"

The top hat pondered the thought for a brief moment, and then slid forward to the front of the train car seat. "YES!", Ferdinand shot up with his fists raised to the air. "That's right! I agree with you Toppy. It's time for us to be bold and press forward. Seize the day! I don't know how we'll do it old friend but as God as my witness, we will taste the joy of freedom! No more glitter and smoke, and cigar-plagued dressing rooms. No more rehearsals and cancellations, and traveling on every train, bus, car, and trolley ride in Europe! No more moldy carrots and cabbage that smells like my Aunt Martha. No more Magic Shows!!!"

The train cut off Ferdinand's thought by jolting forward to a harsh unwelcome stop. The unsettling whistle shrieked in Ferdinands ears and even Toppy had retreated to the floor to block the annoying sound. "This is our moment Toppy", Ferdinand explained twitching his whiskers and listening intently. Toppy agreed from below and Ferdinand opened his makeup caked eyes extra wide to look around. "The moment is now. I can feel it."

A few moments later, the magician slid open the car door and fumbled above his balding head on the baggage rack for his magicians bag. He muttered indecent words until his antiqued fingers wrinkled around the handle, and he shakily budged it across the rack and down into his lap. Hhmmpph! The magician was in no mood today for any type of calamity.

One of the train attendants appeared in front of the doorway grabbing the disgruntled magician's attention. "Is there anything I can help you with sir?" Her stop sign lipstick was painful to stare at for more than a few seconds. "Not likely", the old man replied setting the heavy bag down on the car seat and buttoning his tattered wool coat. He flipped his midnight black cape over his shoulder dismissing the attendant. She gave a slight shrug with her slender shoulders and retorted, "Ok then! Well I hope you had a pleasant trip.". The fake tone of her voice made birds hit into windows.

When the magician finally managed the energy to turn back to look at her, her smile widened even more. He stared at her with the most perturbed expression. "What is it sir?", she asked with a condescending hint to her voice. He stared at her a moment more, and then lifting an eyebrow confirmed, "You are a terrifying woman. Truly terrifying." Her eyes opened wide at the comment and she let out a sickening laugh. "Oh sir! You are hilarious!" With that, she was gone leaving the old man at a loss for words. "Not a day goes by I don't wish I was back in London.", the magician said closing his fatigued eyes and musing over the distant memories of the past. "Oh well.", he moaned and opened his eyes once more.

"Come along Ferdinand", he matter-of-factually said shifting his gaze to the wired cage on the seat. Noticing the absence of white fur to greet his gaze, he squinted even more intently and discovered there was nothing more than an empty container. In a panic, he looked around the train car. No rabbit. No hat. He couldn't believe it. As if the magician wasn't already having a horrible day, he'd now lost the crucial pieces of his first act. "That's it!" the magician screamed throwing his pasty white hands up in the air. "THAT IS IT!!! It's a sign and I'm retiring!" Leaving his bag behind, the old man barged his way through the crowds and stood in line at the ticket station. As he approached the ticket booth, he announced with pure clarity, "One ticket to London sir. I'm finally going home!" Within the hour, the old man was back on the train with a smile not seen in years and a cup of hot tea resting comfortably in his lap. As the train raced through a field of freshly sprouted clovers, Ferdinand and Toppy waived to their friend and continued on their way.

Reviews

[Sam Bates]

To start out, I must say I thoroughly enjoyed the story itself. There's a certain bit of whimsy here that makes it a pleasant short to read. It was very easy to picture this as a children's book or even a Saturday morning cartoon. The detail was good, but not over-powering, and the dialogue between Ferdinand and Toppy - even though he didn't actually speak - made me crack a smile once or twice.

Your grammar was good for the most part, but you are missing a few commas here and there. Really, the only other troubling part about it was that in the last paragraph it seemed you lost interest in your own story. It seemed like you paced yourself very well throughout, until that very last paragraph, in which it seemed like you were ready to get it over with. The ending felt rushed. I think the problem could have been that the characters of Ferdinand and Toppy were fleshed out so well, and the magician was suddenly introduced and we didn't get a lot of time with him. We didn't really get to know his character like we did the others. It just seemed slightly odd to me that upon discovering his missing rabbit and hat, he would all of a sudden throw his arms up and quit. I fully expected him to dash out of the train and scramble about in search of his first act. That's just how I pictured his character.

All in all, a good job. I honestly would like to read more about Ferdinand and Toppy. I will definitely be reading more of your stuff. Cheers!