Spring Broken

Spring break is over,

I had looked forward to it for quite sometime, I had good intentions I really did, but things don't always work out how you'd want them too. I wanted these 2 weeks to be a peaceful time, something i could use to get back on my feet where I needed to be. But unfortunetly I ended up in a worse position and unfortunetly, I predicted as such.

 

The very first day home from school for break, I ended up leaving for my family's house, it isn't usually the best place but I didn't think much about it other than somewhere to go for a few days. But here, things just started going down. There was nothing to do, it was too cold to go outside, no where to sit down but hard wooden chairs, the floor, or if i was lucky, a bed. I brought an Xbox 360 to keep my girlfriend and I entertained but it broke which upsetted me, considering i spent 150 on the damn thing. so we were stuck without something to play or use to watch movies as the other 2 tv's we weren't alloud to use until after 1 in the morning. People were on edge, and anger and despair was put unto me, I'm not going to point names, but let's just say, the pain could have been avoided if people would just listen to be and be honest if they spoke to me. So after that day, spring break was already ruined. I dont get home til a week later (days after i planned to be home) and i had done nothing fun since i left, what the hell is spring break for then anyway? so with days left, at home, i ended up not having time to do anything as usual because there's too many people here. im having long sleepness nights. And here i am about to return to school and ive already not taking precautions on preparing for the day tomorrow and ive got an anxious heart and broken spirit which i was told not to be resolved til quite sometime from now. some good came though, my cat had kittens, i had some laughs, watched some good movies, but thats not enough for 2 weeks time. I'm not recharged and to top it off i realized my birthday is 2 weeks away and there isnt going to be anyone here....

 

my family made sure to "beat the importance of my birthday" out of me, so it doesnt feel special anyway, but it would have been nice for sum1 to be here to try to cheer me up. I'm mostly writing this just so i can vent, I didn't know what else to do, and its much too late and dark to write something in my journal,

 

All im left asking is if i deserve these pains bestowed apon me in my time of need, did i do something wrong? is there something or someone i have wronged? could someone just please let me know so i can fix it and end this before i truely do die inside and become a hallow shell, ive come close plenty of times in the last month and a half, but, i havnt found a reason worth dying for.

Author's Note

April 1, 2012 2:44 AM