I watched as hope died......

tough times show how truely life has no reason.

Today was perhaps the day I will always remember as the day I sat and watched the last bit of my hope die. All possible exits have been sealed. I am trapped in the hell I myself have created. 

My hopes seem to be Fate's favorite toy. Raised more often then fulfilled. My dreams, my wishes, my hopes, they are never recognized for things that I cherish. I allow people to walk all over me in hopes that I will be rewarded something in return, but, I never am, just an empty feeling. The feeling of being cheated, used, abused, hurt, sad, empty, angry, vengeful, hate. Yet, I am afraid for assertion. It would be easier for people to hurt me if they had a reason. I try to enjoy what fate has given me, but in all honestly, it could be so much better.

I've had hundreds of dollars stolen from me, I've had friends betray me, I've had no place to truly call home, almost everyone I know has hurt me, I've had many promises broken, and too many lies given, I have been worked to the bone for nothing in return, not even the things I was promised, I have been used, and this list goes on

Even though with all this betrayal, inside, I've not completely rotted away, I've not sworn a vendetta on the world. No, to beat the world I have to keep it from changing who I am and who I want to be. I have to be happy, and it is what makes me the winner at the end of my wretched life. But it's hard, and from time to time, I find myself wanting to give up. I had hope and strength to fight all these years and now, its gone, today is the day I watched the last bit of that hope die. Life holds no reason for me to live anymore and from now on I will probably exist only as an empty shell inhabited by the coldest, darkest, most evil thing to exist.

Author's Note

Bad Week