Our lasts

We are too obsessed with our firsts that we overlook the pain of our lasts.

We are too obsessed with our firsts aren’t we? First love, first kiss, first hug. How beautiful it must feel to interlock your hands with someone else for the first time. The first time you feel butterflies, the first time you feel like there suddenly colour in your life like how flowers bloom in spring.  The first time you feel their lips on yours, the first taste, the first time they wrap their arms around you, hold your face. The first of so many things you get to experience. The first time you feel your heart beat right out of your rib cage, the first time you experience the bliss and the feeling of home. The first time you sense belonging, a comfort person, the first time you saw each other, the first time you cuddled. But we are too obsessed with our firsts aren’t we? We overlook the terror of not knowing when the first suddenly becomes our last. The pain in knowing you wish you could have cherished them more. The tears that roll down your cheek when you know the familiar smell, taste, touch that you have had for so many years suddenly disappears? Would it hurt when it’s the last time as much as it felt good when it was the first? Would you not miss the arms that have held you every time you cried knowing that they won’t ever be the same comfort place for you to go to now? Would it pain when you see your tear fall down on their lifeless arm as they lay in the casket, lost from the chaos of this world? Or would you find yourself wrapped in their clothing for the rest of your life waiting for your broken heart syndrome to finally free you from the chaos of this world? I wonder how often people don’t know that it’s their last time. Would they have done things differently? Would you have whispered those three words for the last time again? Would you have let me take a picture of that smile for the last time? Would you listened to my ‘please don’t go stay for just 5 mins more’? Would you have kissed me for a little longer? Maybe we would go to our favourite place for the last time and just maybe you would have stayed with me for a while more.