Good effort with the syllable count! It is not always about getting it exactly right! Lol.
This reminds me of the new cell phone commericals with the unlimited minutes. Maybe you can sell them a license for this poem for their next commercial! I think that it is Verizon! "I now have unlimited minutes! I want to tell off everybody that I know! Screw you, too!"
oh my gosh!! i can't believe i didn't read this sooner!! it would have help me so much, seeing as I have appeared to have entered this stage myself ..... very recently!! and it's shocking, and it's.... kinda delightful, and yes i think i might stay here for a while! lol
"I finally lost my temper today
and said all of the things I wanted to say
to all of the people that had dared cross me,
and I laughed when they looked disbelievingly."
this was a great first verse- it totally caught me. the whole poem read so well, flowed so well- and was simple, but not trite or silly. and gosh i love that - the thought of them looking disbelievingly -it's just what i need to go for. i think it would be so empowering, i'm always so afraid of upsetting people, but sometimes you just have to take care of yourself.
" I conveniently lost my memory
and forgot all the things I'm supposed to be;"
what a fanastic line that is. i adore it. i might quote it here and there lol loveee it
"I'm halfway to insanity, and here is where I think I'll stay."
what a great concept, and fantastic ending. the flow went reallly well, and the rhyme schemes were really great. and i dont really care about the syllable count - i think it worked itself out really well. :)
that is one place i will really like to go for a while, to feel so so free, never giving a hoot about nothing and everything...but i dont know sanity and calmness have a way of overiding me.....but i will keep trying just for a moment's feel...good write and i love the flow.
A deep..Growling one.
I liked it though.
It's something that's stirring my soul..even after 10minutes.
I'm testing the old theory that Ignorance is bliss.
Reminding me a forbidden part of life, we assume what we like life's to be,but when given, we find it difficult to accept.. there be times when we question....But life goes on....We accept it, we have to.
You're checking that theory..the old theory..someone put it..you question...But later finding yourself half insane..accepting it..Thinking to stay like this.
Just a thought =)
And truly it's the best part.. to be half insane..as it makes us superior..afteral we have to deal with full insane people all the time. ;)
That's ... right ... just ... don't ... care... when ... you ... lose ... your ... mind ... LOL
Anyway, yeah, I can related to pretty much everything you've written there. Sometimes, just sometimes, I felt like I just want to get up and leave just like that. But, I couldn't leave my son behind, so I guess that I'll just have to suffer some more, so my son will have his salvation, then
On the other hand, I really enjoyed reading it, so it's all still good though...
I too liked the font you used which complimented the peace. The big question I would ask was there cause and effect. If all people do is offer you negatives without provacation then they get what they ask for. There is also only so much uneccesary whining before people start to suck your energy.
lol not caring is fun, long as you don't go reckless. :) i'm glad you let yourself free and allowed yourself to breathe. not healthy to keep it all inside. it's still something i'm trying to work on myself heh. Carrie's helping immensely though, and i'm happy for it. oh, and eff the syllable count, poetry doesn't need to be as strict as the real world says it needs to be :P
4/7/08
When my "Phobia" contest is completed April 18th, and winners have been chosen and notified, I'll be leaving the cafe indefinitely to focus on my family, as well as my first book and website. .. more..