The Homeless Man And The Train Tracks

Early morning fog lingers on the northbound freight

train railroad tracks, and a homeless man stands on a

rail; it’s either one step forward or one step back. The

whistle of the approaching train hoots hauntingly in the

distance; he could rid himself of a life of shame with

just one step forward to end his existence.

 

Or he could take a step back away from the tracks to

continue with his life, or build another one; he ponders

for a moment memories of his pretty wife and baby

son --- long gone, driven far away by the demons that

devoured him; he lost sight of them through the wasted

years of his downward spiral into a life of sin.

 

One step forward or one step back? The train draws

nearer on the tracks. Hurtling tons of steel reverberate

through his tattered shoes that rest upon the rail as he

contemplates what he should do. Forward or back? Train

on the tracks, his destiny breaks through the fog. His fate

rushes forth but at the very last second he falls backward

to the ground, weary body racked with sobs.

 

The trains rushes past with a great gust of wind; it is a

moment in the future on which he will often dwell, for he

had never had a chance to make the choice that day --- he

lost his balance and simply fell.

 

Reviews

[None]

Your words are like pearls, together they form a beautiful necklace--precious! So much emotion and caring thoughts obviously contrived this beautiful story of what if.
Your words: "Forward or back? Train on the tracks, his destiny breaks through the fog. His fate rushes forth but at the very last second he falls backward to the ground, weary body racked with sobs.
Sometimes choices are made for us in moments we need to be carried, as in "Footprints in the Sand." You really moved me with this. Excellent--most excellent!!

[Wolfwind Words]

Does he ponder this decision in death, or in life. For which track did he stand and which way did he fall?
The imagery is intense, and you have captured the essence of the frieght train drawing closer as he thinks perfectly!
Yet perhaps his choice never had to have been. For he may have had demons, but with help from those that love him, he could have overcame them. Perhaps he felt that he was not loved at all. Or that his wife and child never truly loved him the way they should have.
Tough choices in age, as one ponders back on mistakes, or others mistakes.
Good Words!
In any case, the train is like life. It keeps rolling no matter what comes our way. :)

[George Love]

Wow! Fate has a way of capturing you at the moment of indecision! Excellent work, well penned and very well described here!

[April Child]

Move away from the tracks! Sometimes it seems that there was no choice but I don't believe that. I believe there is the consious mind and the subconscious and the latter determines many choices without our realising it. It's all simply a part of our journey.

Very nice writing.

[J]

Tania, this is completely exceptional. It takes my breath away.

First, the momentum and timing of this piece are perfect. The beginning "lingers" in fog with the whistle of an approaching train in the far distance; then you reveal his thoughts and purpose, quickening the pace. The train re-enters, picks up speed as his mind flicks back and forth, back and forth. It's LOUD and chaotic and urgent ........ until the final whoosh and explosion are past. And I can release a breath.

You say so much about this man in a limited number of words ~ [no easy task] and make us care for him and his fate [again, no easy task] ~ that I am amazed.

I honestly expected a tired and trite sort-of-happy ending . . . [sorry!], but oh no. You present a scenario that gets stuck in the conscious and it tickles and pricks and begs another look.

Wonderful writing, Tania. I'm definitely a fan!

Jill

[Ice Queen of the Vampir..]

Oh wow, this is a wonderful piece. Great write!!!

Heather

[JC Fox]

OOOH a great write wonderful imagery and powerful words!

[Celtic Cat]

I was fascinated by the title because someone I know often considers this a viable escape plan, as a friend of his did many years ago. It tugs on the heart strings because how often as humans do we feel like failures? How often do we wish to end life, and how often to we wish to start anew? This is brilliant, as far as I'm concerned, and very clever that in the end the choice was made for him, not by him. Divine intervention perhaps??? : ) Love, love, love it!

[Champion]

Never have I had a poem rest so easily upon my mind as this one does. Being a friend of the railroad perhaps makes me more inclined towards the topic, nevertheless I believe this poem demonstrates a talent you have for finding the little telling details within a scene, then bringing them out in a memorable fashion that very inoffensively presents the quandries of life. The vibration of the tracks beneath the feet offers this event to all five senses; I can smell the tar within the tracks, the feeling of uncertainty and desparation within the heart of the homeless man I find completely credible.

When a writer manages to bring such a poem to life it behooves them to study it and determine what makes it so very real. It is by that effort that the voice within can find its way into the heart.

And to that and this, all I can say is: Blessed be that heart.

Champion

[Candle in the wind]

The dilemma is so palpable!!!Its a very moving poem.your power of empathising is amazing!