The Deal

You inadvertently sold me your soul,

and a deal is a deal, so here is your gold.

Go see to your family then return to me,

for I am your master, you're no longer free.

 

Sweet, foolish child, with so much to learn;

your family is safe, but you may well burn

Are they worth it to you? Your certain demise

is frightening you now, I can tell by your eyes.

 

Your sweet innocence is intriguing to me

and I find your resolve amusing, you see.

Play your cards right and I may keep you here

to learn, by my side, all I hold dear.

 

You must know this now: tears have no effect

on a being like me, as I don't feel regret,

and I don't feel remorse or doubt or pain

and I can see through any emotions you feign.

 

Be a good student, and I'll teach you well

this dreaded abyss, what you know of as Hell.

You'll learn to rule fire and change your look;

the things that you know of only from books.

 

You'll then recruit new souls, people like you.

Frantic for something, what it takes they will do.

Whether driven by hunger or pain or pure greed,

they're convinced that you have just what they need.

 

You will witness how quickly our numbers increase,

because many are willing to sell out to the beast.

Humans are weakening as the pace becomes faster

and they buy one-way tickets to impending disaster.

 

Big houses, big cars, living large has a price.

Need something done? They'll invent a device.

They work all their lives away just to obtain

things that, in the end, cause them the most pain.

 

It's not in their nature to go in reverse;

the need for perfection is their greatest curse.

To fail or seem weak is their ultimate fear,

and those very things are what brings them here. 

 

There now, my child, go do what you need to

There's plenty of time for me to teach you.

Eternity, I believe, if I may be so precise;

I'll see you quite soon, to begin your new life.

 

Before you go, Sweet, let me ask you one thing,

and ponder it well when its gifts that you bring

to your family, to save them and where they dwell

were their luxuries really worth you living in hell?

Reviews

[Sir Jake]

Hmmm, I really enjoyed the bittersweetness of this piece. I like the idea of a deal with the devil, but this is so much more, and sometimes, sacrificing for those we love is worth it, but then, sometimes we have to step back and realize that material wealth isn't always the most important. Great job on this.

*Jake*

[Kryptonite]

I loved the idea...but I'd make the message apparent from the beginning, then elaborate. Being that I'm about to start life after High School, I liked the part about starting a new life. I think in a poem the first stanza should have the analogy that someone can elaborate on with examples throughout the passage.

Having said that, I loved the poem in general. Why did you decide to start the poem as you did? How does the student-teacher relationship have anything to do with the message at the end?

[Forest Green]

Lots of rhyming going on, without the unfortunate but common compromise in meaning. Very disciplined rhythm as well.

Intriguing, rather troubling theme. Takes sand to roam this far into a contract with the dark master.

Excellent work.

Forest

[Angelheaded Hipster]

I dont think I would ever "sell out", nor do I like to live outside of my means. It just smacks of greed, and self importance, and while I understand that some people like that, I can't do it. I mean....knowing there are other people in the world, in my country, in my own neighborhood that go without....how could I go around flaunting excess?
You put some great thoughts into this, and I love the visuals.....

[John Parker]

I think it gave a pretty straight out there message......nice piece of work here.....offending people is my business in a way and if others takes offence to something I write then so be it.....I have never let that stop me from writing anything before or speaking my mind on anything before either........hell shock and truth are two of the greatest weapons we as writers own.......when I wrote lyrics for bnads that I played in I made peoples jaws drop sometimes because of the messages I put out there.....that was my whole intentions also.....not that I thrive from shocking people but, to open someones eyes to the brutal world that surrounds them.....and yes most people out there would trade thier soul for everything they have ever wanted......again I'd like to say nice work on this piece......keep it true and don't back down from snything because of the fear of offending others.....you will always offend someone no matter what you write......

[Joseph - Michael]

Holy s**t, this is so great and I love how you expressed the words from the devil's mouth so smooth and calmly in the sinister ways. You think this isn't for everyone? Yeah, right, it's good enough for everybody and not for the queasy minded. Don't know why, but it reminded me so much of "John Constantine: The Hellblazer" (it's only as known as "Constantine" in movie)

You sure have the great talent of writing the words that would be so well spoken from the true form of the evil.

Again, I loved it and it's going to be on my favorite list...

[Gary H]

My first thoughts are - who is the devil in disguise? Where does this creature lie and why do so many go in search of him to live in a temporary heaven? Or is this all a mistake and only by accident do we come across decisions that mean we are faced with the dilemma of the 'deal'?
Plenty of food for thought.

[kamikazebuterfli]

One word...Beautiful! Wow!

[budzushammer]

Great piece. Flowed well. Prose like meter. I'm sure my editors would love to see this in their submissions box.

-The Budzu Crew

[Alex Ferraro]

A great metaphor for the lives of people today and tomorrow. Although I guess there are many takes on this piece. I identified with it well, thanks for writing!

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

WOW!!! Very powerful piece, you strung yours so masterfully. Excellent.