The Deal

You inadvertently sold me your soul,

and a deal is a deal, so here is your gold.

Go see to your family then return to me,

for I am your master, you're no longer free.

 

Sweet, foolish child, with so much to learn;

your family is safe, but you may well burn

Are they worth it to you? Your certain demise

is frightening you now, I can tell by your eyes.

 

Your sweet innocence is intriguing to me

and I find your resolve amusing, you see.

Play your cards right and I may keep you here

to learn, by my side, all I hold dear.

 

You must know this now: tears have no effect

on a being like me, as I don't feel regret,

and I don't feel remorse or doubt or pain

and I can see through any emotions you feign.

 

Be a good student, and I'll teach you well

this dreaded abyss, what you know of as Hell.

You'll learn to rule fire and change your look;

the things that you know of only from books.

 

You'll then recruit new souls, people like you.

Frantic for something, what it takes they will do.

Whether driven by hunger or pain or pure greed,

they're convinced that you have just what they need.

 

You will witness how quickly our numbers increase,

because many are willing to sell out to the beast.

Humans are weakening as the pace becomes faster

and they buy one-way tickets to impending disaster.

 

Big houses, big cars, living large has a price.

Need something done? They'll invent a device.

They work all their lives away just to obtain

things that, in the end, cause them the most pain.

 

It's not in their nature to go in reverse;

the need for perfection is their greatest curse.

To fail or seem weak is their ultimate fear,

and those very things are what brings them here. 

 

There now, my child, go do what you need to

There's plenty of time for me to teach you.

Eternity, I believe, if I may be so precise;

I'll see you quite soon, to begin your new life.

 

Before you go, Sweet, let me ask you one thing,

and ponder it well when its gifts that you bring

to your family, to save them and where they dwell

were their luxuries really worth you living in hell?

Reviews

[Sir Jake]

Hmmm, I really enjoyed the bittersweetness of this piece. I like the idea of a deal with the devil, but this is so much more, and sometimes, sacrificing for those we love is worth it, but then, sometimes we have to step back and realize that material wealth isn't always the most important. Great job on this.

*Jake*

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

Oh I hope they liked there prezzies........A very good write, but was it worth it?

[desertraven]

really enjoyed this one! I'm with James one this, hard pressed to find error anywhere! Great piece!
Sandra

[nokturnal]

this was really deep a really good write

[James Mayfield]

I get a big kick out of this one. I'm a lover of Faustian bargains. You wrote this very well and I would be hard put to find an error with it.

[Brette Medb]

There was a lot here, it's humanity's nature to want the material things in life and they want to be the biggest and the best at everything, so much so that we'd sell our very souls. The flow was great and I loved the point of view. Great write.

Brette

[Heart and soul]

Really deep...And good too....

[Laughing Lunatic]

This is so true and beautifully spoken through your words. The flow was amazing! I always been pretty happy with the small things in my life. Yet sometimes I wish for that living it large kinda life and have said the words What I Wouldn't Give to have..... What makes it worse is I don't know what my answer would be if ever asked!! This is a Great Write I always enjoy reading your work!

[Lea Jane]

That was amazing! Love the message here, great write. I'm almost speechless ;)

[PianoandPage]

i love the subject matter but i have mixed feelings about having the aabb ryhming scheme as it made certain lines akward and showed uneven pacing.

there were certain things here that i really liked. the idea of being trained to tempt others to hell. very cool. the message is there yes, but you also included some cool little bits (specific about eternity).

all in all it's not my favorite but i like the idea.

[Rhiannon Dragonraine]

Wow! I can't say much more, being Pagan this definitely is built on a piece of Mythos(and I mean no disrespect to anyone that might read this either) that I do not give credence, however I do agree that it has an obvious message and it is portrayed so well. I love the flow and the rythm of this piece, I love the description. Honestly all I can say is that this is an AMAZING piece.