JigSaw

I don't know why it's so hard to write about things unless it's in the poetry ._. It's about a man.

Twilight was death
and then I met you,
all clogged up man,
sweat and the world in
the palm of your hands,
how you turned me to putty,
a few nights of eloquency,
my knees to the sky,
soul broken by some guy...

I saw it in your eyes when
you said (you and I )
Two different worlds
two different bodies
entangled in lies
killing the carbon copies

I'll trace my fingers through your sweat
a glimmer traced down your cheek,
your back,
trails of stories (women and you)
   (boys and me)
forty-million to one,
this shouldn't be...

And it isn't, we're not, never have been.
Chance meetings are obscure,
just like God and the rest of them

If I were with you, it'd be
because you're in my soul,
an intangible piece of a dying puzzle.

Reviews

[G. Cedillo]

"killing the carbon copies"

"I'll trace my fingers through your sweat"

"just like God and the rest of them"

lol, great lines! i think is is really good, the thoughts and lines, the ambiguous tone, all fitting -- it could probably benefit from cutting some extra spare words out though. Also, the thoughts could be streamlined a little -- you start some thoughts in the first and second stanza (twilight, death, putty, eloquence) that you drop (or don't finish as well) later on. Outline the poem, try and paraphrase it, see what the inevitable steps are - what are the real thoughts, how should the argument proceed.
great read, thanks for sharing,
. gc .

[Wildecat]

Very good writing here, a definite pleasure to read this poem.