Chapter 1

Introduction to the four charecters

 

1

Caitlyn

 

            I want to kiss her. I want her to kiss me. ‘Resist it, Caitlyn, resist it.’ I thought to myself as I sat in a movie theatre with my best friend Michelle.

            “Are you okay?” She said smiling, her bright white teeth gleaming in the dark.

            “Fine.” I replied reluctantly.                  

            I smiled faintly. She turned back to the movie. What was this movie even about? It had a girl arguing with her mom and a dog running around in the background. I closed my eyes and sighed. ‘I can’t take it’ I whispered. Michelle looked at me slightly; I smiled to assure her I was fine.

            “Good movie right?” Michelle and I walked out of the theatre throwing our cups and candy boxes in the trash. “Except that one of the main characters was gay. What’s up with that?” I nodded looking around.

            “Oh, look at them they are double gorgeous, one for you one for me.” She smiled pointing to a set of twins.

            “No thanks.” I said rolling my eyes. Boys were disgusting, and I didn’t mean that in an elementary ‘I like you’ way.

            “Still suffering from Mack?” She said smiling and waving at the twins.

            “Yeah.” I lied. I could care less about Mack, I only went with him to satisfy my mother, when she got suspicions I was gay and told me she would kick me out I went with him just to satisfy her.

            “Whatever, I’ll catch you later, love you.” She hugged me and did the international sign for ‘call me’.

            “Love you too.” I said silently, only meaning it more.

            “Hi mom.” I said walking in the house four hours later at ten. I pounced on the couch and kicked off my gym shoes.

            “Just because its summer break doesn’t mean you can stay out late, your curfew is at twelve but call me anyway. I mean you’re sixteen but that doesn’t mean you are grown” She came out the kitchen drying her hands on a dish towel.

            “Sorry.” I replied softly. After the movie I went to a hill where no one really went to because it was hidden behind a park. I sat thinking about life. A million questions came to mind. “Why can’t I just be normal and love a boy, I wouldn’t have to hide it from everyone. I can’t control the way I feel, I love girls, a girl is what I want to be with.” I stared at two girls walking by and exercising. “I love you Michelle. More than my best friend since kindergarten, I love you; I want to be with you, I long to be with you.” I whispered silently.

            “Caitlyn, I need you to go to your room, I have a guest coming over.” My mother interrupted my thoughts.

            “Can I just go out for two more hours?” I asked not knowing exactly where I would go.

            “Yeah, sure, but be back by twelve.” She picked my shoes up and handed them to me as I walked out into the cool air. After slipping on my shoes I walked and checked my cell phone, checked my cell phone and walked. I really don’t know where I walked to but I do know is my feet were hurting about an hour into it.

 

           

 

 

 Michael

 

            I crunched the hard white pill into fine white dust, that way it would be easier to ingest. Marcus sat next to me smiling and I knew this was wrong, but the ecstasy was beautiful. The straw lay on the floor I pushed the dust into two straight lines one for me and the other for Marcus. He was the one that got me into this, and yet I wish he would get me out. Sniffing the dust and laying my head back, I was me. Michael. I was the person that lived carefree, but it wasn’t because of everyday happiness, it was because of the drugs. I lifted up and waved bye to Marcus. Dizzily, I walked the streets, soon my mother would be here to get me, but that didn’t matter, I was just a child of sixteen but no one could help me, no one.

            As I walked into my home my father cursed me out yet again, but he didn’t put effort into it, I ignored his words and went to my room to where I would yet stick a needle in my arm. The pain was unbearable. I hated the pain. But this was the quickest way to escape. Mom was cursing at dad, and Dad was cursing about work. I was tired of that I only wanted to be free; I only wanted to be the child I once was.

            The child I once was… was I would never be that child again, although I longed for it. It was just a year ago; dad and I were sitting at the dining room table working on my science fair project for ninth grade. I made a dinosaur and showed the different layers, the skin, and the muscle and so on. Mom came in with chocolate chip fudge cookies and iced tea. Dad and I grabbed the same cookie and did an excerpt from a cowboy movie. “You think you getting this here treasure Jack?” Dad said in the worst southern voice. “You must a’ been kiddin’ this here my treasure.” I replied with a southern accent. We glared when mother came and stole the cookie. The laughs, the smiles, they would never appear again.

            I walked into the living room the next morning to a note from my mother.

Michael, I went to aunt Sheryl’s house for a while, I will be back. Sorry I didn’t say bye.                                

 Love, Mom

            I snorted, yeah right, yet another person bailed on me. First my sister, now mom, and by time dad bails I’ll be dead. I crunched up the paper and threw it on the floor. I went to check the mail. Bills, bills, bills, a letter addressed to me. I threw the bills on the television stand and opened the letter. I felt rare tears sting my eyes. It was from Isabelle. My girlfriend, I have not seen her since I was fourteen. They sent her to a special hospital in New York, not far from Florida, where I live. Cancer. It infected her lungs. She had gotten lung cancer from her father’s cigarette smoking. He didn’t have it; she got it second-hand, just for sitting there all her life. The tears had won as I read the letter.

            My long lost love Michael,

                        If you are getting this I have bad news. I am dead. The doctors told me yesterday I would die in about two weeks. It has taken over all my lungs, and a tumor is growing next to my heart. I chose this though, I didn’t want anymore chemotherapy. I love you Michael. I sent this to you because it hurts to speak. I’m going to send this out today, it should get to you by time I have passed. Mother and Father are devastated; I tell them this is what I wanted. You understand that don’t you? I hate pain, I hate living in pain. I apologize if this is putting you in pain. I wanted to take the time to tell you that if this disease didn’t affect me, I would want to marry you. I want to have four children, and I want you to make them happy as a father. Oh how I wish I wasn’t dying. I love you with all my heart Michael. Mother is coming she told me she has to send it. So I guess that’s it. Goodbye.

                                   Love,

                       Isabelle, your wife.

P.S.

Do not be sad; be happy that I am in a happier place. And if you want to see my grave call my mother, her old cell number.

 

            I found myself breaking down. I couldn’t take it. I ran in my room and frantically searched for something to get me high. I found an ecstasy pill and popped it into my mouth swallowing it with no water. I held the note firmly in my hand. This is my escape, the way I escape my pain.

 

 

Marco

 

            I walked into the empty house kicking my shoes off. ‘Happy Birthday Marco.’ I thought to myself sitting on the couch. I looked to the floor where there was a stain. This is where it happened. I blinked at my mothers screaming and my dads yelling.

 “Marco are you alright?” My foster mother Lorraine came into the house as I held my shaking hands. I nodded slowly.

“You hungry?” she asked sitting her keys down and going into the kitchen.

            I nodded again. I haven't heard my voice in over three months, not since that terrible day. I stared as Lorraine walked around the kitchen searching for something to make.  I went in front of her and grabbed some cereal and a bowl and looked at her.

            “You sure that’s fine?” She said as I sat. I nodded. “Well I got to go to work; I’ll be back in the morning.” I nodded once again, Lorraine frowned, she hated that I wouldn’t talk. I didn’t want to talk. They told me if I ever talked again I would be killed. I'm a coward. My Mom and Dad, oh how I missed them. At this time we would be eating dinner, maybe steak and potatoes. I wish I could rewind time and stop them, I was a coward then, and I am a coward now.

            I hated that everyone would hate that I didn’t talk, they didn’t know what went on that night, all they know was that is was a terrible tragedy, no, no one knew, no one in the world knew but the guys, and me.

 

 

Allie

 

            I could barely answer his question when I felt his hand smash against my face. I backed away apologizing, for what? I did not know.

“Haven't I told you a million times to clean up this room?” He asked once again.

“Yes, but it was Sharon! She messed up my room.” I exclaimed tripping over her dolls.            

“How dare you blame Sharon?” He yelled and threw me against the wall with just one push.                 

“I'm sorry.” I said as the air came back into my lungs from the blow. He threw me down to the floor and pushed my face to the cold hard concrete,

“Clean this floor till it sparkles!” He yelled then stormed up the stairs slamming my door. I began to cry.

Of course my mother was not home, although I believe if she was she could care less if I was dead. All she cared about was Him and what he did for her. He was Darnell, my mother’s boyfriend. All she did was work and when she’d come home he’d make her happy, with gifts or just him. He was not my father but he acted as if he was. I was terrified of him.

I never did anything to deserve how much everyone in my family hated me. Sharon, Darnell’s daughter, she was seven, and she loved to make my life miserable, she said she wanted to kill me, and at that moment I wanted her to. My mother hated me because I hated Darnell, on one occasion I tried to tell her, she shrugged me off as if I was a fly in her ear. Darnell, he said he loves me. But that is only when he comes to my room at night or in the daytime when Sharon is with her mother to rape or molest me. He hated me every other time.

Of course I thought about running away, tell the police, or confronting my mother, but the running away would just get me nowhere, telling the police would get me killed, and my mother would not listen to me.

I cleaned my room and scrubbed the floor with a broken hair brush. I sat in my bed silently wishing every minute would go slower. It was midnight and Darnell would come to my room any second. My mother would be asleep and Sharon would be either in her bed asleep or at her mother’s house.

A minute after twelve Darnell walked down the steps. His dark skin melted into the darkness, his braids had been taken down and he would be an attractive man if he wasn’t a rapist and a child abuser.

“My little girl is awake isn’t she?” He asked into the darkness. I braced myself for the emotional pain to come. It hadn’t hurt since he took my virginity when I was twelve, now I was sixteen and I could take it. It was disgusting, he’d ask if I got pleasure out of it I’d nod my head lying, he said if it didn’t he would do way more than just regular sex. Sometimes he would stoop as low as making me at least fake moan, and if I didn’t he would punch or smack me. I became accustomed to moaning and grabbing his back, just to satisfy what he wanted, I’d rather take the emotional pain over physical pain.

“Hey, are you awake?” He crept into my bed. I shifted to answer. He turned a lamp near my bed on. My hair was in a bun with a scarf around it. He pulled the scarf off kissing my neck. I clenched my teeth. After five minutes of kissing my body he pulled my shorts off and started to rape me. I stopped moving and closed my legs.       

“What?” He asked opening my legs again.

“You aren’t wearing a condom.” I said slowly.

“Yeah tonight I want it raw.” His teeth glared. He started to rape me again. And although it didn’t hurt I cried.

Author's Note

Help me out with any editing or grammar probs?

Reviews

[CLUTZ]

i'm crying right now. its hard to think about it but kids actually do go through this. grownups talk about abuse and drug problems and say they can help but how can they help if half the time they don't listen. if its not something they want to hear they turn a blind eye. i love your story.