Don't Go

He said those three words. He's seven yet he still pronounces my name wrong. "Eya, don't go."

So many time's I've heard that voice that was once so squeaky and innocent, now slowly taking shape as a child's natural tone. So many times I've wiped his eyes, and held his hand, and screamed and yelled at him, and begged him for a hug, begged him to make me smile..
So many times..
So many times he's walked into my room and see clothes stuffed in bags after angry arguments with my mom and dad, after wanting to run away from it all, after wanting to give up on every and anything thrown in my way, after so much s**t he's witnessed, I thought I couldn't make him witness this.
So many times.
So many day's I promise myself I'll take him and explain to him how I can't stay, how life isn't getting better, how dreams aren't coming true, how I'm working to be poor, laughing to fight the cries, sleeping to speed up my days.
And the one day I take him to the side, I wasn't even packing to go,
I was cleaning, just cleaning and he cried "NO"

"Eya, Don't go."
He reaches my stomach now, I don't have to carry him anymore,
He talks so well now, I don't have to repeat my sentences,
and I died when tears streamed down his face.
And he told me that everything would be okay,
That I can't leave.
God he's grown up.

And I can't
I can't go. I can't leave him after this,
So when I'm dragging through work,
Angry, irritated, I think of him,
and his tiny voice saying that one sentence that keeps me rooted to everything I hate but slowly blossoming a flower of why i love being here.
"Eya, don't go."

Author's Note

My nephew Lamar is the only reason I havn't packed my things and left my hometown. Maybe one day when he's old enough he'll tell me to go, But now, now I can't leave him like this.