End it all

Just a poem...

 

All so silent

All so peaceful

All at rest

 

Then bam

You come in

You ruin it all

 

I don’t know what to do anymore

Im confused, scared

I cant do it anymore

 

Every time I look at you I see those angry eyes

Those mad eyes

That face that haunts my dreams

 

I have tried so hard

Giving you every chance

But you ruin all

 

How could you?

You say you love her, us

But you do this?

 

I was scared!

I needed my daddy!

But you were long lost in that crazy mind

 

I trusted you

And you threw it in my face

You threw my last bit of hope for you away

 

How do you think I felt?

Having to protect my mother from my father?

It crushed me

 

But I had to

I had to protect the person you claim to love

From you

 

The look on your face

Your crushed face

Your heartbroken face

 

It crushed me

It haunts me to this day

And I cant deal with it

 

I need an escape

I need to get away

I need to do something!

 

All this stress

All this worry

All this pain!

 

All caused by you

By this family

By my family

 

And im a broken person

No one can fix me

Im irreparable

 

No one wants a girl with baggage

No one wants a girl with problems

No one wants me

 

I don’t blame them

They can live in their happy lives

And I can go back to hell

Where I belong

 

Im not worth anything

Not tears, not love

Nothing

 

How do you do it?

How do you be so happy?

How can anyone be so happy?

 

Why cant I be happy?

Why cant  be loved?

Am I really that bad?

 

But I've accepted my fate

I know I deserve it

I just hope it ends soon

 

I want it all to end

The pain, the heartbreak

Please, end it all

Author's Note

Please read and comment your thoughts...

Reviews

[Mockingbird]

it's the worst to grow up in that kind of household. i guess you have to learn how to cope if there's nothing you can do. but don't be so self-hating. it's not your fault. great show of emotion and honesty and angst. excellent poem.

[Aianarie (INACTIVE)]

Powerful and brutally honest. I know friends who deal with similar emotions.

Great write.

[Shy Girl]

Well...self-hatred is a clearly strong motivator for you in your writings. But turning that all on you when in reality it WASN'T your fault is something that will take time. Your feelings coming out are intense and valid, if not distressing for me to read. Hard life makes a hard heart...but sensitive mind and soul. Think about that when you take a step back and evaluate..instead of self-doubting...the circumstance created your feelings...NOT your fault...their choices...but then again working through these incredibly strong emotions is also a way to evalute..just by paper instead of image in the mirror...less of a connection to inner self with the faces. Either way..very connectable and true feelings you have penned down... :) We're here for you :) Strength in friends goes a long way to heal.

[olla]

a touching and brutally honest write..

[Bats In The Belfry]

If this comes from personal experiance I am truly sorry...It a familiar theme from my own childhood. Its hard when adults dont behave...like adults.