Dear person I still have a crush on...

Dear person I still have a crush on,
I hope you read the entire letter, but I know you probably won't even glance at it.
For some reason this letter has me stumped, debating if I want to tell you all the things I want to say to you and all the things I want to hide away. You want me not to care, and it's funny because I do care about you but your lack of care about me has led me to not caring about how my actions and words make you feel. And I get it, you like her, she's funny, very outgoing, and she knows what she wants and will do anything to get it. She has this aura about her that just attracts people, and I can't blame you cause I was no different. She was someone who I never wanted to lose, but I don't regret cutting her out of my life. To the person who I still have a crush on, I don't think being friends is in your ability as much as it is in mine, especially not when you avoid trying to be in the same room as me for more than 5 minutes. You don't say hello when you see me, you kind of just ignore me and try to tolerate my existence until you leave the room. Now my passive aggressive attitude probably doesn't help the matter but that's how I'm coping, I'm coping by trying to forget everything about you that once made me smile, I try to forget our talks, I try to forget how dorky you can be, I try to forget about how when you run your hand through your hair and about how when you used to see me the corner of your mouth would turn up. About when the sun shines through the trees but still manages to catch the glint of your eyes and they reflect the most beautiful colors I have ever seen. I try to forget the happiness I felt when seeing you, I try to forget the touch of your skin, about how close you would pull me in when we hugged. I try to forget how safe I felt in your arms, how comforting and peaceful your embrace was. I try to erase the memory of your lips on mine with the kiss of another. But it doesn't feel right, kissing them doesn't feel right to me. In fact it feels wrong. I'm a terrible person. I can see why you walked away, I can see why you left, I can't even do the one thing you asked me, I can't not care about you. I DON'T WANT TO CARE ABOUT YOU!!! Oh but God how I still do...