If You Only Knew

You knew, the minute you walked out of the room and saw me, you knew that something was wrong, that I wasn't happy. You wrapped your arms around my waist to stop me from walking away, you held me there pulling me closer asking if I was okay even when you knew I wasn't. And I had to stop myself from crying. I tried to look away but you pulled my chin close and rested your hand on my cheek looking me in the eyes begging me to just open up, but I couldn't, I can't. I love you so much but I feel like such a burden to you. You don't love me the same way I love you and it kills me but what hurts even more is the fact that I constantly feel like I'm annoying you. I feel like I'm just another thing you have to worry about. I'm not useful for anything but clinging to you and hoping. I'm pathetic. And when you hold me like that I just want to die, because you are the one beautiful thing in my life and I don't understand why I can't let you go. You drive me so crazy yet you're the only thing keeping me sane. I smiled and said I was okay but you knew I was lying, you called me out on my fake smile and I walked away claiming just to be peeved. I think you thought I meant that I was angry at you, but I was angry at myself. I was angry at the world. As if it wasn't painful enough to know that you'll never love me, other people have to rub it in. As if it wasn't hard enough to try to force myself to STOP LOVING YOU, other people have to explain how cute we would be, and they don't understand that it's killing me inside to smile and tell them that it's not going to happen, and it kills me inside to have to pretend that I'm okay with that even though you're all that I've ever wanted and I'm trying so hard to be okay with that, I understand that you don't love me and I'm okay with that but it still kills me inside when people point out that I know what it feels like to want what I can't have, and love somebody who doesn't and will never love me back..... I'm sorry......

Reviews

[Olafash]

I can feel it. You wrote it like it happened to you. I have been in this situation and im guessing you also have found yourself there. There nothing like being real. This is real

[Serenity]

Thank you so much for the review... Yes I know this feeling all too well, I face it everyday, but writing it out for some reason helps me vent my frustrations out, so thank you for taking the time to read it :)