Fat, Sick and Inspired

How one Documentary changed my perspective and inspired change

Ok, I have accepted the fact that I am a fat women. Well, I'm not that fat... I'm curvy with a big belly. lol. Hey, I've been told that I carry it well. I dress nice and neat. I keep everything tucked away and hidden. Tip: I wear two or three Spanxs at a time, depending on whether or not I plan to eat out. I experiment with new make-up trends, hair styles, nail art and accessories, all to distract the critical eye from my body. Still, I am unable to attract a decent gentlemen caller. I had to do something about that. So I found myself wandering online, checking out a few dating websites. Did you know that most of them require you to describe your body type or physical appearance... wow. So I status myself as... a BBW. Big Beautiful Woman. Yes, that's me. I must admit, I am BIG! If Obese was an option, I'd select it. Let's be honest, topping off at 263lbs, there is no other way to describe it. Unfortunately, good men on the dating sites are not usually into BBW's. Go Figure.

With my son away at college, these nights are getting lonelier and lonelier. Naturally, finding a love interest, a life-long partner of some sort would be the next phase of life. 42% of black females remain unmarried. 42% !! that number is so emotionally crippling. I don't want to be a part of that statistic. It has always been my dream to walk down the aisle. And yes, I believe that my dreams are intertwined with my current situation. In order for someone to love you, you must first love yourself. Its difficult to be happy with something you don't like. So, if you don't like something about yourself, change it.

Easier said than done.

Wait a minute, I still can't get over the 42% thing. Boy, am I a statistic freak! This statistic is literally stressing me out! I can't sleep through the night. I'm worried about my life. What is my purpose? What will become of me? Am I almost dead. I'm 34 and super unhealthy. I don't want to die alone. I hate being alone. Man, I still cant believe that 42% of black women are unmarried! I'm astonished... and I'm black... and let's face it, I'm suffering from empty nest syndrome. I miss my son, I miss my family, I miss my friends in Buffalo. I have become a "cookie monster" because of it. I love cookies. I'm Fat and Sleepless in Atlanta. But I refuse to be a statistic. I refuse.

One night, as I tossed and turned, I decided to turn on the television in hopes of evoking its magical powers to lull humans to sleep. I came across an infomercial for Joe Cross' amazing documentary: Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. A short film about Joe Cross' life changing journey through juicing. I was so inspired by his determination and perspective. I felt so connected to this man. This is exactly what I needed. I need a drastic change, something to focus on and to pour my passion into. I mean, up until this point - I have never considered my health as a priority. I ate want I wanted, I drank what I wanted, I did whatever it was that I wanted to do. I miss those good old days.

It pains me to admit that I have treated my body and my life carelessly and without love. I was the kind of mother that would feed my son a healthy meal filled with organic ingredients and help him prepare his body for athletic activity by making sure he received the recommended amount of proteins and carbohydrates. But then in the same night, I'd find myself in a McDonald's drive-through. And later on that week, my son and I was stopping at Popeye's for dinner. That's crazy.

So the next day, after work, I was excited to come home and watch the full documentary on hulu.com. It was amazing. Absolutely amazing. In 60 days, this guy literally changed his health. He is not only more svelte but he has rid himself from the ball and chain of medication. Amazing! I am convinced that most ailments can be cured by weight loss and a healthy lifestyle. Eating the way God originally intended us to eat. Fruits and Vegetables. Raw foods and lean protein. I have been impressed by Cross' documentary so much so that I decided to start my own juicing journey.

After recruiting a few co-workers, I was well on my way to changing my life, Joe Cross style. I went to the local farmers market (in my opinion New York has better produce than Georgia, I'm just saying) and purchased tons of produce. I used a Bullet blender and a Juicer alternating the consistency of my drinks. I drank all of my meals for the next 10 days. Ten long gruesome days. There was no way that I could make it through 60 days of juicing the way Joe Cross did and I will tell you why. Day one, I felt awful. Day two, I felt awful. Day three, I felt awful. And so did my co-workers. We had headaches. I had jitters. We changed the produce, changed the recipes. Incorporated beets, kale, oranges, lemons and other yummy ingredients. And we excepted the fact that without pain, there's no gain. Its common to experience discomfort as your body detox. By day four, my co-workers was feeling better. They looked better. They had energy. They had a glow. I felt the same. Jittery, lethargic and discombobulated. Day five, I felt awful. Day six, I felt awful. Day seven, I got on the scale and smiled at my weight loss. But I was still confused and clouded. Day eight, awful. Day nine, more awful. By day ten, I had loss 13lbs and decided to juice the last of the produce I had already prepared. This was it for me. I was not my old self. I had become a clueless zombie. Why didn't I have the same results as Joe Cross and my co-workers. They loss weight and felt great! In fact, one of them said she had never felt better in her entire life and vowed to do a juice fast once a month. Kudos to her.

I had to figure out what made my experience so different. Maybe this PCOS thing that I was diagnosed with had something to do it. I was prescribed Metformin, but after taking it for a couple of days, I developed horrible gas cramps and couldn't bear to place another pill in my mouth. That was back in my "I don't care, everything is fine" college days. Now that I am a much more responsible adult, desperate to find love, I have to take all of this into consideration. I have to explore my PCOS diagnosis and see what part it plays in keeping me fat, sick and almost dead.