Falling (Receiver and Deceiver)

Falling (Receiver and Deceiver)

Laying on the ground
Half asleep, half dead
A feeling before that sound
All life came rushing into my head

One last sun rise
Truth covered with lies
Regretfully the memory dies
All that lives is suffering and cries...

Falling Faster...
Faster to the Deceiver
Falling deeper...
Deeper into the Receiver
Falling... Falling

Watching the world in gray
All I receive is a darkened ray
I am the son who was led astray
Angels dying as they seem to pray
..
Into the black I dive
Stabbed and buried alive
Welcome to the twisted hive
Consumed by a fire I cant survive

Falling Faster...
Faster to the Deceiver
Falling deeper...
Deeper into the Receiver
Falling... Falling

With no one to blame
Yes! I lived life like a game
Pushing ones self into the flame
Trying my best still it ended the same
..
Now without my crown
Deep down I seem to drown
Welcome to the hopeless town
The only smile is that of my dead clown

Falling Faster...
Faster to the Deceiver
Falling deeper...
Deeper into the Receiver
Falling... Falling
Falling... Falling

Author's Note

I just wrote this one as a draft,
I hope you enjoy it,
All the best,
Tamer

Reviews

[...]

... there is inaction and then there is action ... there is inertia and then there is momentum ... there is prose and then there is poetry ... there is silence and then there is music ... is what i humbly believe ... and most of it is a function of what i have learnt through sheer experiential learning ... this write from you ... for me as a reader ... is about the transitional phase ... it is telling and revealing ... and does much justice at the level of diagnosis ... arriving at one's own existentialist philosophy is not easy ... but once one reaches there ... or thereabouts ... then it's really no other place that one would much rather be ...

One last sun rise
Truth covered with lies
Regretfully the memory dies
All that lives is suffering and cries...

... simple, sensitive, profound and eloquent lines ...

Watching the world in gray
All I receive is a darkened ray
I am the son who was led astray
Angels dying as they seem to pray

... a courageous and immaculate etching of the quintessential struggle between tradition and innovation ... though the innovation in thought or lifestyle is not mentioned or stated ... the pressure of tradition alludes to it ...

Into the black I dive
Stabbed and buried alive
Welcome to the twisted hive
Consumed by a fire I cant survive

... brutal, blatant and vivid ... it can't be easy and it's not ... mesmerizing poetry ...

With no one to blame
Yes! I lived life like a game
Pushing ones self into the flame
Trying my best still it ended the same

... ah ... a submission that can only lead to redemption and resilience ... "ended the same" ... to me as a reader ... points to the narrator's need to invent ... and seems to me like he's on the verge of it ... very edgy ... but enlightening ...

Now without my crown
Deep down I seem to drown
Welcome to the hopeless town
The only smile is that of my dead clown

... there it is ... the aroma of courage ... black humour ... but with a radiance ... the smile which makes its presence felt and takes this verse to a level of rewarding introspection ...

... a brilliant poem ... much has been said with great simplicity, humility and earnestness ... the song-like persona of your verses only make them linger more ... keep writing ... you're on the verge of making some kinda discovery ... :) ...

[Katseye]

Ah babe, I know where this comes from... No you aren't falling to the deceiver. You'll always remain true. There'll be smiles again, my friend.

[A.r. Bazian]

now this is very good... of course having seen you go through all that... i can sense it flow through me... this is pretty good... i mean... as usual... astonishing gray shades of death and pride... right in the middle of it, when rain comes washing away the masks... to reveal to us the dead streets that our very memories roam endlessly with hope that they exist once more!
and the pain...
keep 'em comin!

[Coyote Poetry]

This is a very good draft. The story and flow of words made this poem a pleasure to read. Sometime it is hard to figure out what we are. A deceiver or a receiver? Total poem was outstanding. A very good ending.
Coyote