A Little Hot in Here

A man is called discreetly into the office. Originally an entry for a Talefoundry stream prompt, with the theme of "You are cordially invited."

She sat him down at the desk, seated herself neatly, crossed her hands, and got right to the point.

“We of the board have decided to rescind your invitation,” she said. The man scowled from the other side of the desk through scruff and dirt, and spoke around his cigarette.

“The hell’s ‘rescind’?”

The woman’s voice was level, but it was the sort of level that was trying very hard.

“It means,” she said, “…that you may go.”

He hesitated a second, then rocked back on two legs of his chair. He was still as they had found him, scruffy and unwashed. But he did not smell, except of cigarette smoke. That would have required bacteria, and those tended not to end up here. At first he seemed relieved, but then his brow furrowed, and he cocked his head.

“Who decided that?”

“That information is both confidential and irrelevant. You’re uninvited regardless, sir.”

“How come?”

“I mean, most people do get… agitated, upon receiving their invitation…”

“No kiddin.”

“You, however, attacked three of our associates.”

“Maybe shoulda stopped at one?”

“The first with a shotgun, the second with holy water, and the third with… with… what even was that?”

“I’unno. Witch showed me how to make it.”

“A witch.”

“Stacy. College kid. My son mows her hairdresser’s mom’s lawn.” He smiled. “Packs a punch, don’t it!”

“Additionally, upon successful invitation you proceeded to… put out much of the lake.”

“Didn’t see no lake.”

“The lake of fire, sir! The big hot thing? The one you put out! By smuggling in a fire extinguisher, which I can’t even bloody well begin to�"”

“Hey! How many people got out, anyways?” Silence. “Out of the lake. While it was out?… It ain’t like I stood there and counted.”

She smiled, with teeth. They were sharp. There were years of stress in her crow’s feet.

“True, you didn’t. You ran for your life while calling His Infernal Lordship a… what was it?”

“A lil’ snot just trying to make his daddy mad.”

“Well!” She shuffled some papers and set them on her desk neatly, clasping her hands atop the pile. “Yes. Indeed. Your invitation is rescinded. You may go. Please.”

“…Where to?”

“Gosh darn it, Sir. Anywhere but Hell.”

He stood up, smiled at her with nicotine teeth, turned, and sauntered out into the universe.

Author's Note

Criticism and commentary is always welcome.