Twilight Sky

Borrowed from a friend. Used by permission.

Twilight Sky

In a corner of the desert somewhere out west
There was a rusted, broken-down, old thing
I'm pretty sure it did its best
Seems like folks can't recognize that anymore

Any fool can plainly see, if they take the time to look
It was driven to hell and back, no doubt about it
And when it couldn't go no more
They probably swore at it and gave it a kick

Neither alive nor dead it rolled and rumbled wherever
In its head a clattering of loose cylinders
An incessant chattering of valves and tappets
Before they cut it free and let it roll to a stop

That blue smoke from the tail pipe told the tale all too well
Those factory-made rings of love
So carefully installed many years ago
Now worn thin; the typical blow-by story

They towed it there, left it sitting headlights pointed sunset
Just enough moisture once a year
To keep the process going... rusting out
That's how I found her - staring at distant mountains

I towed her home, started that labor of love
Now we're together; we'll stick as long as we can
We tend to fix each other; taking time to do it right
There's no reason to hurry, it's just me and her

In the evenings, it gets a bit cool when the sun dips
Over those distant mountains, a twilight sky
I like to think we both enjoy them
She sits, still and silent as always

Her chrome still shines but that's not the point, is it?
We're together and what little rain comes these days
We put to good use, take a sip, clean the headlights
It's just us, staring at sunsets, rusting out together

...wouldn't have it any other way.

Author's Note

Sometimes it happens this way.

Reviews

[Mikael Malmberg]

I started searching for something nice to read.

Turns out that I found it immediately. This poem is wonderful. A simple concept with deeper meaning; the speaker finding an old, beaten-down thing and giving it a home it deserves, and the use of "her" suggests that it may even be the love of a life.

I completely agree with Zahra's comment as well - "incessant chattering of valves and tappets" is wonderful, and on a re-read, it actually set the mood of the poem for me. The imagery is enviable, to the point where I ask myself; why can't I be this good?

Now, I realize that this comment is practically just all praise and no substance. I find it hard to see anything to criticize, with the only "complaint" being that the part "Before they cut it *lose* and let it roll to a stop" has a typo(?), namely that "lose" ought to be "loose".

Another thing that I noticed were that there are actually several mood-setting moments within this poem - it reads almost like a movie, you could say. Aside from the one already mentioned, "In the evenings, it gets a bit cool when the sun dips" - this is, again, great. "evenings, cool" combined with the sun dipping, as in a dip in a refreshing pool for instance, or a dip - a light touch - creates a calm, relaxed atmosphere. I imagine a hazy blue sky, a red-brown sunset, mountains and a view from a quiet house on the prairie.

"Her chrome still shines..." is what epitomizes the meaning of this poem for me. At some point, you just want to get rid of that existential loneliness. You want, for better or worse, to find that life-long partner with whom you can (and want to) share the rusts, the broken headlights, that incessant chattering in your head... all in all, this poem symbolizes many things while retaining a simple, yet elegant form. Absolutely love it.

[Tam Warink]

Mikael, thanks to your exceedingly generous (and useful) critique, I have made a slight adjustment and I think this piece reads the better for it but only time will tell. I find your review perceptive and well-considered. Such things are more than most care to do and I assure you I will savor it for some time to come. Thank you, very much. -Tam

[Meraki]

This read like a moving picture. It's so sweet, I absolutely love it.

[Tam Warink]

Thanks a bunch for reading, Meraki! :D

[Meraki]

My pleasure, Tam :)

[Pryde Foltz]

We embue the lifeless with life and here you friend as done so to the word. Happy sky watching out in that desert.

[Tam Warink]

I have failed.. utterly and miserably to convey the intertwining, the nuance that is the duality of perception between the machine and the person it represents.

[Pryde Foltz]

No I do not think you did … you just did more than that:)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

those old cars never really die, even when they rust, they are begging to be restored, much like hearts.

[Tam Warink]

Yes, that's true, Jacob. Thanks for reading. :)

[Valentine]

Boy, this sounds like one of my neighbors that bought old heeps, stripped them and restored them to their natural beauty. Taking the time to restore in original parts. He has some old classic beauties. Valentine

[Tam Warink]

If you think this is all about cars then you need to read again.

[Chris]

some things - like some people - find their way into your soul...and fill an emptiness seemingly molded just for them.

[Tam Warink]

Hey, Chris! Long time, eh? Nice to read your commentary again... and thank you for reading. Sometimes the allegory is deep and swimming lessons are recommended before attempting the crossing. Although, winning the other side is almost always worth the effort.

[Gee]

Beautiful,that had a calming effect,strange eh ,wonderful imagery,so well written Tam.

[zephyr]

In this life … at times it is the mechanical that outlasts the flesh for the love we give it. It is always about the love we give it.

[Tam Warink]

Thank you, Shinsei. I appreciate you taking time to read it.

[Zahra]

Neither alive nor dead it rolled and rumbled wherever
In its head a clattering of loose cylinders
An incessant chattering of valves and tappets
Before they cut it lose and let it roll to a stop

Wow, this is really really strong. Beautiful imagery and wonderful expressions. Glad I read it.

[Tam Warink]

Thanks, Zahra!

[emmajoy]

'It's just us, staring at sunsets, rusting out together .. .. .. .. .. wouldn't have it any other way.'

This is a poppet of a write! For me it's the discovery of more than - and, beautifully laid. Love the way you use the stanzas to create a setting, tenderly developing it; love the way you gradually show more and more emotion about not quite what this reader originally thought was a mere vehicle and its going downhill into a deathly rotting fend. Love the ending, its unwrapping, its gentle display of let's say.. a togetherness. Those final five lines are charming, memorable.. and, i wish i'd read them before!

[Tam Warink]

Emma, my joy! Gosh, it's been a while, hasn't it? It so nice to read your commentary again. Thank you so much for the interpretation of your reading. We never know how these things will come across (to the reader) but what you've written is probably the best one could hope for. Thank you very much for your insight and understanding. You truly are a joy. :)