SICKNESS

short story line

Author's Note

I feel ill
I look pale with so many wrong thought causing me a fever
Once a strong and vibrant boy becomes a diva activically
My breath goes shallow.
My head pounds in pain.
Vision blurry,twisted mind set
tuned to nothing but pain and sorrow.
i can fill my mouth as dry as the barren desert.
Lost in my own sub-conscious
what kind of feeling is this?
I never wanna get sick again.

Reviews

[Talkless]

The feelin you get been sick

[Aarea]

Ha!!! Getting sick is no fun. You portray that feeling wonderfully. I was going to comment on the filling thing, but looks like dhaye beat me to it. Darn it! Did you write this after or during you were sick or was it just random?

[Talkless]

It was during my ill health....thanks all the same BOB

[Dhaye]

"what kind of filling is this." --Do you mean what kind of FEELING is this?

Oh, this is so emotional, T. I never want to be sick, too. But sometimes when what you see is different from what you have thought/dreamed of, would you be happy?

[Talkless]

Thank you dear i will make correction.

[Dhaye]

You're welcome. :)

[Sami Khalil]

"My breath goes shallow.
My head pounds in pain.
Vision blurry twisted mind set
tuned to nothing but pain and sorrow"

A splendid read and write...I like those lines the most...:)

[Talkless]

Thanks sami

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[kalliphat]

mehn!.. niggah thoughts b like way out of this planet.. u good man.. *kahlliphat*

[HLDXyQ3uGx]

I laughed when I read the final line - I never wanna get sick again.
This is a really straight forward poem. It's nice.

[Talkless]

Thanx alot mindy

[Shivam Murari]

That is of course a disgustingly nauseating feeling, penned down so well! Nice poem!

Read my poems too :)

[Talkless]

Thanx brov

[Talkless]

The feeling you get when sick.