Chapter 6: the journey begins

I stared at the girl with a look of slight concern, 'umm…crazy much?' I thought to myself, and as quickly as her sly smile curled on her face it went away, again as if she could read my thoughts, which startled me slightly.

To avoid any more problems, not that she hasn’t caused enough; I mean she froze the entire neighborhood, or maybe even more then that. As I strolled around the place I couldn’t help but be completely fascinated and mesmerized by what I saw.

I came down from the front lawn; ignoring the girl who I could sense was hovering not too far behind me, and when I mean sense I mean she literally radiated this kind of dark energy, cold and maneking. I rubbed by hands as the Goosebumps came back again and walked to one of the cars that were just scattered around the road, stopped in mid action.

 I came closer and peered inside, covering my hand on the dark tinted window to get rid of the reflection on the glass. As my vision cleared of what was inside I could see the driver who happened to be a good friend of my dad's. In one hand he was gripping on to the stirring wheel and in the other his morning coffee, dressed in his work clothes.

He looked like he was in mid-sentence when he froze up because his mouth was open and his gaze was faced to the seat next to him and I could barely make out his wife sitting there, gazing outside the window. Excitedly I went to the other window and saw her rolling her eyes.

"haha, I see we are having some marriage problems here Bob",I mumbled to myself as I went to look at the windows of the back of the car and saw their two kids, one playing his nutendo and the other napping.

"haha, cute", I mattered again and just couldn't help but smile at what I seeing, as weird and as twisted the situation was.

"So what else we got", I said, rubbing my hands together walking with a little spring to my step as I looked around in the other neighbor's cars, as if I was getting a small glimpse of their ordinary life that was so suddenly interrupted and put on hold.

'This is so cool', I said as I lifted my arms up to give a good stretch, and then I caught the sight of the sky, the clouds were not moving! It looked like a pretty still photo of a blue sky with white cotton clouds and the red sun…wait, RED?!

I looked directly at the sun, which I wouldn’t advise and I was stunned by what I saw, so much so that I didn’t sense the girl who again materialized next to me, looking at the same direction as I am.

"The sun?" she asked, pointing at it with one deathly white finger, as if I needed pointing out to where the sun was.

I rolled my eyes in response and then looked at her and said mechanically nodding my head towards the sun's direction 'yes the sun' and then I stupidly pointed at it with one hand 'what the hell happened to it, don't tell me you can stop that too?!"

I looked at with a bit of a confused angry expression and in response she just gracefully walked around me, my eyes following hers, those stormy gray eyes, so full of wisdom and mystery.

She simply walked and stood right in front of me covering the sun with a knowing smile on her face, and I was just confused.

And then in an instant, everything changed. She vanished in a blink of an eye in a dark cloud, suddenly the sun behind her flashing with unbelievable intensity.

"Ouch!" I screamed as I shielded my eyes from the blinding flash of light, seeing red through my closed eyelids and as I opened them I could still see spots scattered in my vision.

I blinked several times, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand and finally when the spots and the dizziness went away I opened my eyes.

It would be an understatement if I would say my eyes almost popped out of their sockets, but that's the only phrase I was able to find at the time to describe how shocked I was at what I saw in front me.

Everything. Looked. Normal.

"What?!" I said in a whisper as I looked around me with wide eyes. Now normally I would consider this situation, well, normal, but in this case, not so much.

"Hey mom, why is he wearing his pj's outside, you said I can't do it", a little boy of 4 years I think asked his mom as he pointed at, ME!

"Oh s**t", I thought as I closed my eyes and then looked at myself, and what do you know, I was wearing my blue pj's with rockets and stars. When finally realization hit me more and more pairs of eyes of concerned neighbors started pointing and coming in my direction.

"OH S**T!" I screamed inside my head, and then I made a run for it, right when the sprinklers in the lawn turned on! So I scrambled, slipped and fell gracefully on my butt, hearing all the neighborhood kids laughing at me.

"Just ignore and get your butt inside", I thought to myself, as I was getting drenched from head to toe, my pj's sticking to me. I got up and walked briskly towards the door, and what do you know, it's locked!

 Again and again I tried to open the door, hmm….maybe the devil of a girl locked it?

 I looked under the carpet were the spare key was,(very American of us isn't it?),and I turned the key inside hearing the neighbors hissing and maturing under their breath. Turn one, twice; my eyes went wide with rage, No way! I kicked the door with all my might! Nothing! Except for a very sore bruise I got nothing. I just stood there, locked out of my own house, bare foot in soaked rocket blue pj's when all the neighbors are looking at me.

 I just lay my head on the door with my eyes closed, submersed in my own misery, giving out a long sigh hitting the door with my hand until it slipped off.

Seconds later, after I somewhat gathered myself, I went to the back of the house through the front yard, this time not caring about getting wet, catching a few glimpses around to see that the neighbors were finally returning to their own business.

"Well at least I put on a good show", I told myself, putting both my hands in my wet hair.

I walked to my house's back yard, leaving wet footprints on the grass as I went, and when I finally reached the door guess what, it's closed too.

"that's it I give up", I mattered to myself looking around the backyard, thinking what to do. But before a single thought passed my mind a cold white hand grabbed me by the wrist.

"Whoa", I screamed in surprise as I skidded across open door into the living room floor and went head first into the back of the couch, hitting it with full force.

"Ohh", I moaned, as I slowly rose up, slipping occasionally, rubbing my head.

"What the hell?! " I complained, as my vision finally returned to me, and who do I see in front of me?

"It's you again", I said coldly as I started making it across the living room to 'devil girl' who was smiling back at me slyly with her arms crossed.

Then abruptly she disappeared in a dark cloud of dust and before I knew it she materialized right in front of me which caused me to almost lose my footing on the already slippery floor.

She just looked at me with those stormy gray knowing eyes, as if she is anticipating what I was going to say next.

"Ok…you convin.."

"Good", she said definitely, not even letting me finish my sentence.

"Now go dry yourself and get changed and we can start", she said smartly, now standing at the bottom of the staircase, pointing upwards.

"Can this day get any weirder?" ,I asked myself as I made my way through the living and up the steps, suddenly the girl right in front me.

"Not even close", she said with a sly smile on her face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[MR_BERG]

I know this is still in rough draft form and all, but time is very inconsistant throughout your tale. Perhaps it a plot device, but I hope it's something you'll iron out in the rewrite process.

[Rain]

hahaha, you write really humourous chapters!
I would like to know more about the girl, and I think writing in 1st person is fine, though it's a bit harder 'cos you can't explore your other charaters. Since you are writing in 1st person, you've gotta use more description. it's already in chapter 6 so...I'm not sure if you should change to 3rd person now.

anywais, it was a good read, and very interesting

[Domenic Luciani]

there are times where there's an excessive amount of commas and repeated words.
I think someone said this before, but I would stick to third person. If not, than I would recomend describing the setting without the narrative.
theres a lot of extra words that could do with a quick skim.
It moves kind of slow. The entire chapter and only one thing really happened. the girl could use some more characterization and the transition from stopped time to regular time could be more distinct.
The setting could have been established better, there's not much about where he actually is.
all in all, a little more definition in the storyline would go a long way here, but not too bad.

[Steve]

"I made my way through the living and up the steps, "

Tali, did you mean to put the word 'room' after the word living? just asking....

I like how you end your paragraphs. You keep us wanting more. And you are good at tying everything together....

[Steve]

ok.. . Well i need to know more of how this ends....so you better start doing some more writing my new friend.....!!

I want to know what turn this story takes next.

One thought for you though.....you should use the names of the characters more often....sometime i would forget the name of someone and i would have to go back several screens in order to find the name....just a thought Tali