Alive

This is my first poem, and I'm new here. Just a little something to start.

Slipping, Sinking

Underwater

Memories drown in the depths

Lower I sink

Nothing else matters

Life depleting

Heart racing 

I flounder with my last bit of strength

Everything matters

Death Approaches

I ignore it

The world stops

All is silent

A hand, five fingers

Grab me

Drag me up

Up towards the light of day

I am alive

I am

Alive

Author's Note

Go easy on me...I'm new and inexperienced. :)

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

Why, oh why do the really good poems here on WC just seem to wither and die in obscurity? Can it be that there are just so many of them that they simply get lost in this vast sea of words, this outpouring of human emotion cum-lingua-franca? Is this voice crying out in desperation not big enough or loud enough to be heard in the vastness of the WC universe? There's no cloud word for REALLY-GOOD-POEM. Perhaps that's it... or perhaps the tenants just abhor the whimpering of these new born things, eye barely open, seeking the succor of attention from something larger than themselves; or someone that cares enough to read and scribble a few well-chosen thoughts in regard to their lyric stories.

As you imagined... one that cares, offering that hand, dragging you up and then brushing your teary cheek with the back of that hand. It's real. You just have to believe it. It's been a while since you wrote this so I'll imagine that all is well and think happy thoughts of you in the present.

[I Shred This Cabbage]

Very good. Has an easy flow and some nice combinations. :)

[Lisa Ring]

That is awesome, Tali. I am really impressed! First poem and you've got the touch! I loved, "grab me, drag me up..."

[.]

Well Tali, for your first piece, I do enjoy it a lot. Your use of imagery and metaphors paint the struggle you are attempting to display to your readers. The best advice I can give you is to keep writing:) If you need advice, you are more than welcome to message me.