Finding My Raisin

Languages connect us all and in some ways summarize an eternity in one word and often lead us to understanding our souls.

There is a phrase  in French society called 'raison d'etre' which means purpose or reason to live. I look at my life reflecting on how I lived this far and still have no reason to push forward. I wake up and continue a cycle  because it is what I know yet it feels more like work than life. It passes by me like a series of colors  that I can feel but not quite see. I trapped myself like a bird in a cage waiting to be released  but the door was always opened. I succumbed to the burden  and perception that life should be a melancholy and tumultuous lifestyle.

When I was younger I read a book about a man called Sisyphus, who was forced  to continuously push the rock up a hill and never be able to get to the top. I felt my life had somehow become like this a never ending boulder that became useless in my life yet, am forced to continue pushing. I kept saying I was waiting for a chance, a chance to live but what was that chance and would I ever know when it hit me.

Complacency was branded into to my soul like a lifeless puppet that accepted being on a string. The hopes and  aspirations and goals that I kept putting off were now locked in a box in a corner covered in webs and bugs and dust. Was it a natural part of getting older to lose the best part of ourselves? The imagination we had as children was endlesss and the possibilities in our mind was relentless.

We had this mentality that we could be whatever we wanted and could achieve whatever we put out minds to. When did the flame in our minds become diminished?

I want to find my raisin a small piece of life that makes it feel like it’s worth living. I want to find anything in this world that makes me know that I have a purpose. In the Italian culture there is a word called "Atraversiamo" it means let’s  cross. I want to do that with my younger self. I want us to cross so I can go through  life without any hesitation and can live my life to the fullest.  Each language has a word to summarise eternal bliss but I have one in the English language that fits just right : possibility.

Once we believe in possibility there is hope and with hope there is  a motivation to look for adventure. 

Author's Note

I am an American and there is a bit of a mockery of the French culture in it not offensive but more of the fact that the words look similar. I hope you enjoy it. Its a personal and intimate reflection . OFC all critiques are welcomed.