Well this is my first writing..this article is based on the reality of life.after seeing the youth being mislead i thought it was important to refresh their soul and guide them towards a content life
The Reality of Life
As a child is born he is innocent and angelic. He repeats
what you say and follows what you do. His sweet little acts are a source of joy
for the whole family. This is undoubtedly the most cheerful stage of life. As
he grows up he learns a lot of things, while most of them are productive others
aren’t. He is shown a lot of paths in front of him and has to decide which one
to follow. He follows one, then another and quickly realizes that his life is
not going in the right direction. This is not what he always wanted to do. He
gets depressed and hopeless. He spends most of his life in this misery. Things
get very tough for him. He doesn’t know where to go, who to look up to. It is
only when he gets old that he realizes the true meaning of life. Perhaps it was
the innocence, the purity that was missing throughout his adulthood. He indulged
into things which were materialistic, virtual and unrighteous. This is the
reason why one goes back into his childhood as he gets old. But by that time it
is too late. If only he could go back in time and undo his wrong deeds. Thus it is
necessary that we start giving
importance to the basic principles of life and stay away from the worldly
desires so that we won’t have to contrite for our deeds when we get old and
feeble.
Please ignore any grammar mistakes. The Target of this article is the youth,it would be highly appreciable if you rate and review this article and also let me know of the shortcomings as it is my first writing.
My Review
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Hi Talal, I think you are a natural, you write brilliantly and I could not detect any grammatical errors. Keep writing, this is a solid effort, I thoroughly engaged with your perceptions of this young boy's development and your philosophical stance was mature and enhanced the piece greatly, Well done.
This piece seems to tout a Buddhist or Hindu belief in its call to cast off worldly desires and materialism, not to say that that's a bad thing, just pointing it out. I will say that the piece seems to lack a unified direction, and suffers from what seems like a perceived vision or idea that has not yet been properly defined, and so the piece seems to meander. Nail down the point your trying to get to, bring that knowledge and vision into the story concisely and you'll do fine. This is a perfectly serviceable first draft my friend, hone your skills through practice, and you will go far. Feel free to just ignore everything I've said here if you don't agree with me, that is totally fine, and I hope I have not offended you at all. Write for you, not for others, and you'll always accomplish whatever goal it is you set for yourself as a writer.
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
thank you for your suggestions...no i am not offended at all but rather pleased to read your perspec.. read morethank you for your suggestions...no i am not offended at all but rather pleased to read your perspective..its just that i wrote what I thought without manipulating my ideas...
i think that for a first write this is very well done. your subject is poignant and relevant and will, no doubt, reach many hearts with its content. i know it spoke deeply to me. i could find no flaws in this writing, however, i do think your font size is a little extreme. other than that i think it is wonderful. don't concern yourself with grammar and spelling so much, there are apps to fix that for you. in the mean time, just write like a house on fire and to your heart's content!
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
thank you so much...i will work on the fonts for sure :-)
the twist of culture,yours mine theirs, Struggle the view of struggle,a Japanese boy not understanding a math problem is asked to stand and work it out in front of the class they watch him struggle , me I feel uncomfortable watching,the other kids don't, when after too much time he gets it right they all congratulate him.Here in the U S if you did that to a kid he would feel shame,be asked to sit down,a "Smart"kid would be asked to step up finish,the "Shamed one" would "close up" or get a tooter.WE here say "youth is wasted on the young" Life is uncertain,in my view often "indifferent",Strategic influence,in a youths life can help them get "Skill" sets to equip them to accept the rocks life will throw at them,to build a foundation that will allow them to believe in a positive future for themselves and their family and their children,and community,and country,and world.We you and I have a challenge,to teach them to walk with Kindness,Empathy,a boldness to stand think,live a life of proof,Proof of love.
I must say I'm impressed with the way you have executed this piece- such a dynamic, investigative approach of an entire life done in a few short expressions. What takes people an entire lifetime to figure our for themselves, you have accomplished in half a page- truly, the mark of a great.
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
thank you so much...really appreciate your comments :-)
This is good. Very well written actually... And utterly based on reality. Surely this isn't your first try ever??! And as far as I could see, there weren't any grammatical mistakes;)
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
Thank you so much :-) yes it is my first writing...i just joined yesterday...i wrote what i felt...a.. read moreThank you so much :-) yes it is my first writing...i just joined yesterday...i wrote what i felt...am glad u liked it...
this is good.. :D
I am a kindergarten teacher and I am 29 years old..~ XDD but I will never erase the Child inside me because I dont want to be a BORING ADULT..!! Q__Q the world is a playground..~ :D and I want to Enjoy it as much as I can..~ :D
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
thanks...i hope the childish side remains with you throughout your life...
Very insightful. Sounds like Eastern philosophy.
I have to disagree with prodicallife...I think that simplifying difficult things is the key to great writing.
It is easy to take a picture of a pretty flower and make it beautiful; it is much harder to take a picture of an ugly rock and make it pretty. You did the latter.
We all have a childhood, that is a time period is the flair of joy and happiness. A time where the materialistic desires are secondary to human affections. A period that is an autumn park, with beautiful and colorfull blooming people around.
After that comes the adult age, that is the time period of traveling up the responsibility slope. Here the folk makes the decisions of their life, they tumble, the twist, they fall the rise. Gains, losses, passion, love, experience and finally a decision.
This is too big a field to be explored. You made a nice effort to keep it simple but, i believe that you would agree that this was just 1% of the bible "LIFE".
Keep up the great write.
Stay blessed
Regards
Prodical
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
Thank you....yes i agree with you but i m really worried about the generations to come....
12 Years Ago
Hey Talal
This is really a matter of concern, the way they are being brought up.
.. read moreHey Talal
This is really a matter of concern, the way they are being brought up.
less of relational importance, materialistic views.
Reality of Life
~ yes indeed, the thing is we can never re-do all our mistakes, but we can learned from them and make use of it to guide the next generation(a lesson to be teach for the sons of son). I agree with the premises of this write.
I always said that money seems to be everything and our life hungs inbalance for the hands of greed is much havier. My point is that simple good things are taken for granted because of these human nature, we become more needy of material things most of the time...
all in all I'm still hopeful that human can change, we still have time to do the change, it's never too late...
a very thought-provoking write.
Great job.
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
thank you so much...i hope people go back to the basics and not get deluded by the worldly desires :.. read morethank you so much...i hope people go back to the basics and not get deluded by the worldly desires :-)
12 Years Ago
well, we would never know, the future is quite uncertaint... fate has a very mysterious hands... so .. read morewell, we would never know, the future is quite uncertaint... fate has a very mysterious hands... so we never really can tell....and your very much welcome.
I am a 22 yr old medical student..though not a traditional writer, I write what i feel with words coming from my heart...i think if words are given the right path they can penetrate deeper than sword... more..