Thought #13 - Please Don't Leave Me Alone

A Chapter by Taku

I know that I don’t know you yet but I hope someday that I’ll meet you.

I know you probably don’t even exist but I guess that’s ok.

Nobody seems to understand my fascination with you. That’s fine with me because I’m not loving you for them anyways.

I’ve been questioned about why I post about you on Instagram if I’ve never met you or if you don’t exist but in reality, I give them all fake answers. Not one of them have I given a real answer. I guess my motivations are even unknown to myself then. Maybe it’s because something in me is telling me that I have to write about you or post about you? Maybe something in me desires you so badly that it is willing to risk not being understood by even myself? Maybe my heart has motivations my brain can’t understand.

Who cares anyways. So what if we meet one another? It’s not like our relationship will last. We’ll die alone because death is a journey only one can embark on alone. This is usually when my romantic self and pessimistic self clash.

I guess we’re all made up of little “self’s” inside that try to guide us to do the true desires of our soul and I suppose that means you’re a desire of mine. I would hope so at least.

Often times I try to picture you or try to practice for the first time that we meet. But maybe we’ve already met and my ignorance has blinded and deafened me to the extent that I can’t hear my soul screaming out that you’re the one.

I hope you’ll hurry up.

I try to put on a face that I’m fine with going through life alone and that I’ll be ok on my own but in reality, this front I put up will come tumbling down on me and end my existence or will backfire and then I’ll really be stuck by myself. Although it really is less troublesome that way.

If I die alone with no ties, then it’ll be easiest. I hope that’s how it happens really. I hope I die to young to meet you because I am so scared of what might transpire after the fact.

Please, come meet me now or never.

prev chapter