Thought #9 - Freedom is Forbidden

A Chapter by Taku

As I sit here, alone at my desk, it has been revealed to me that I am alone in the conquest of my mind.

I began to read my writings to someone who requested me to do so but yet, they had the same reaction as everyone else. This reaction is to run away. People enter into my mind with good intentions but cower in fear once they see the size and strength of the demon which occupies it. I cannot shake it. I suppose this is God’s twisted way of suggesting I must kill this demon with my own bare hands.

The tools I have tried to kill this demon have not worked. My pencil nor my blade can do nothing to it’s defense, my intuition. It knows all of my deepest fears and thoughts so therefore, it is prepared against any and all attacks I bring against it. Do you see my trauma yet?

I cannot kill this demon myself but nor can I be helped. The awkward limbo I’m in must be quite amusing to those looking into my life from and outside, sheltered perspective. To me, this is the same as if the peers of a physically weak, teenage boy watched as he was relentlessly tortured and roared in laughter at the sight.

I am not physically weak, but rather mentally and those who are healthy and able to attempt to help, refuse to do so. Maybe it is less of a refusal and simply more so of a fear to; which occurs since they have seen what happens to those who have entered so in order to avoid the same fate, they stay hidden in the crowd, roaring along in laughter to blend in.

I only wish to make it out of the torture; the means by which I escape are non-important. Some may believe that saving me would require my survival but indeed, it is the opposite. I would be far better off deceased. As long as I am living, if I was to be saved, would I be mocked for, “allowing,” the said torture to happen to me. This is if my torture had been set free with me and allowed to haunt me for as long as I haunted this Earth.

I only wish to pass. So this I pray, please let me be free.

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