Closer

A Story by Macey Royster

I feel closer to you than I have ever felt close to anything.

It's become overwhelming since the moment you fell asleep...

I look at you and I begin to have tears develop.

The position I have myself in, laying in your arms made it so I can't help but to look at you or the wall right above your head and I can not help but still see you in my peripheral vision.

I can't even look at you because of these feelings whelming up inside of me.

I want nothing more than anything else in the world but to look at you.

I gaze upon your face and what I feel is something that I can not simply verbalize.

(((This "Ball" is a metaphorical ball. A simple solution to explain what I honestly can not explain.)))

I don't feel sadness exactly.

It's as if a "ball" was produced of every single feeling that could exist and was then put inside of my stomach as it gradually exploded.

It made me cry just to look at you and feel you against me.

My back and forth looking at the perfection that is your face and to the wall.

I'm trying not to explode along with this ball growing inside my stomach.

I look at your face.

I have to soak these feelings up.

Bask in the love that I feel for you.

I go from having tears wetting my eyes to them falling from my face.

It is over for this ball.

I no longer feel this ball growing in my stomach but in my entire torso.

My heart races as your heart steadily beats against my chest.

I begin to feel the combination of beats throughout my chest and arms.

All this time, the feeling still growing, I begin to vibrate.

I have shook before.

I have felt vibrations on my skin before.

I have never felt vibrations in me, throughout so much of me at once.

So glad you are asleep.

I feel like I'm making the weirdest crying faces.

My face begins randomly vibrating even in parts of my face I didn't know I even controlled.

I move your arm down in front of you as I pull away.

You let my legs go before I tried to move them.

Getting up and putting the stuffed bear I use to sleep with in my place almost became a challenge.

You called out to me and grabbed me (the bear) back to lay against you.

I tell you "I love you" and as you are cuddling up to the bear you spoke.

I didn't catch the whole sentence and I am pretty sure you said the same thing twice.

That of which topped off everything I was going through with a sudden geyser of butterflies.

What I did hear, "The most amazing" came out pretty clear from what you spoke.

I am not full of myself but from what I believe I heard, broke me.

I could not hold it in any longer.

I felt like, what could be explained as, a complete loss of all function except this feeling.

Regaining myself, I kiss you on the cheek hoping that this slight awake mood I think you may be in isn't awake enough to know my entire face is soaked with tears.

(Of course you are cuddling a bear you think is me, how awake could you be)

I proceed to move the bears head slightly lower than your face so your jaw line is propped on the bear as it was against my breast.

It causes you to shift, cuddling more against the bear, you kiss it on the head and say, "I love you".

Now, I have completely moved and the bear has taken my spot.

I lay my head against the bear now, full out crying and I am laughing to the sweetest and funniest thing I've seen from you.

I feel nothing but this ball that has exploded throughout my body.

I get up and realize it wasn't just my torso experiencing all these unknown things happening to me.

I can walk but it is like walking with the same thing this ball was made of traveling through my legs.

I can not tell you if my heart is racing or if it is barely beating.

I feel only the vibrations, the pulsing through the vibrations, and this ball.

I want to not be standing and walking.

Walking and not feeling myself walk while having complete control over my limbs is strange.