![]() Standing Across From the BistroA Stage Play by Christopher Tait![]() I submitted this into an under-ten-minute one-act play festival. It wasn't chosen but I'm still proud of it. It's based on a short story I wrote originally titled "Standing Across From Le Bec-Fin."![]()
(A
young couple, early-to-mid-twenties, is standing on a street corner, trying to
hail a cab. Both are dressed rather
grungy, as if they have just left a rock show.
He (HIM) is slightly goofy and mostly harmless but can be given to
flights of fancy, while she (HER) tends to remain grounded in reality but is tolerant
of her partner’s whims. At the start,
both look impatient, like they’ve been waiting there for a long time. Then he sees a cab and motions like he’s
trying to hail it. NOTE: Cabs are
obviously off stage and SFX of a car driving by, and later stopping, will be needed. Also SFX of background city noise would help
setting the scene.)
HIM Taxi! (Watches it go by) Damn...
HER Let’s just take the
train. It’ll be quicker.
HIM At this hour? Do you know how packed it’ll be? (Sees another one) Taxi! (Watches it go by) What the hell...
HER Fine. Let’s catch the next bus that comes by.
HIM No way. The bus is even worse.
HER You take the bus to
work everyday.
HIM Which means I’m
speaking from experience. It’ll take us
close to an hour to get home by bus, and there’s no telling when the next one
will come by here.
HER I can pull up the
bus schedule on my phone.
HIM Don’t bother. A taxi will get us home in twenty minutes (Sees one coming, tries to hail it but
it passes by) Son of a...
HER Want me to try? I might have better luck.
HIM No, I’ve got
this. I know the intricacies of getting
a cab. I’m an experienced city dweller.
HER Right, because I’m
just some silly, naïve girl from the suburbs who knows nothing about living in
the city, right?
HIM That’s not what I
meant...
HER
HIM Please, don’t start
in on that again.
HER I had a perfectly
good Toyota Corolla that I still can’t believe I let you talk me into
selling. (Droll impression of him) “Oh, no, don’t
worry, dear. We don’t need a car in the
city, really.”
HIM Hey, what we made
off of it got us into that loft apartment you wanted.
HER I’d have been just
as happy in one of the smaller apartments that we looked at.
HIM (To himself) Now she tells me.
(His eyes settle on something across the
street.)
HER Uh, excuse me? I distinctly remember telling you that
when we first started looking at apartments. (Notices him staring) What’re you looking
at?
HIM That couple over
there.
HER Where?
HIM The couple in front
of that fancy-pants French bistro. The
guy in the tux and the girl in that ball-gown-looking thing.
HER Oh. It’s a pretty dress.
HIM Really? I thought you hated all dresses.
HER
HIM Can’t think of the last
time I saw you in a dress.
HER Take me some place where
I’d need to wear a dress, and you’ll get to see me all dolled up like I’m going
to the prom.
HIM You mean a place
like that snob clubhouse across the street?
HER No, but at least
some place nicer than the dives that we usually haunt.
HIM Yeah, well, when I
start making more money...
HER
HIM I’d still love to
see it, though, you in a ball gown or some other really nice dress, along with
some make-up, bright red lipstick, and high heels.
HER (Undoes one of her shoes) I’ve had a rock or a
pebble or something stuck in my shoe for most of the night. (Takes her shoe off, turns it upside
down, and lets the pebble fall out into her hand) Ah, there you are,
you jerk. I’m gonna have a blister
tomorrow because of you. (Tosses it away) Thanks for nothing.
(While
she puts her shoe back on, he stares off across the street, and a devious smile
slowly forms on his face. After she gets
her shoe back on---)
HIM Let’s go beat them
up.
HER (Beat, disbelief) What?
HIM (Eager) Let’s go beat them
up.
HER Who?
HIM That couple across
the street in front of the French bistro.
HER Are you kidding
me?
HIM Nope, dead serious.
HER Why?
HIM Why not?
HER We don’t even know
them!
HIM Then we won’t feel
guilty when we throw them a beating!
HER Whoa, where is this
coming from? Why do you all of a sudden
want to beat that poor couple up?
HIM I don’t know, I just
think it’s something we could totally pull off.
He looks about the same height and weight as me, and she’s almost a dead
ringer for you, so pulling off the plan I have in mind shouldn’t be too hard.
HER You already have a
plan? (He nods; she groans) I know I’m going to
regret this, but tell me your plan.
HIM Okay: we sneak up
behind them quietly, put our hands in our jacket pockets, and make like we’ve
got guns. Then we shove them into the
small of their backs and we tell them to get moving and don’t make a
sound. We force them into the nearest
alley and then subdue them with the Vulcan Neck Pinch.
HER The Vulcan Neck
Pinch? Is that even real?
HIM I’ve seen it used
before.
HER What if it doesn’t
work on them?
HIM I’m sure a few shots
to that pretty boy’s face’ll be enough to (MORE)
HIM (cont’d) put him down. And you can use some of the moves you learned
in that women’s self-defense karate class you took last summer on that wimpy
lookin’ chick.
HER (Sighs, folds arms) Okay, so we’ve
knocked them out. Then what?
HIM We strip off their
clothes, I’ll lift his wallet and you snatch her purse. We put everything on, pretend that we’re
them, and then march right into that bistro and feast like royalty.
HER What about when they
wake up and call the cops on us?
HIM If we tie them up,
take their phones, and tape their mouths shut, it’ll be quite a while before
anyone finds them.
HER Honey, we have
neither rope nor tape.
HIM We can improvise.
HER Oh boy, I really
hope that a cop or some other passerby didn’t just overhear your little plan
and take it seriously. People have
gotten years in jail for much less.
HIM What are we doing
wrong? We’re just a couple standing
here, on the street, talking. We’re not
actually doing anything.
HER We could still be
charged with making terroristic threats, if the right or wrong person overheard
us.
HIM Oh please! Nothing will happen to us. We’re abstractly discussing a possible course
of action.
HER We could still end
up in jail for plotting out a criminal act.
HIM No way. No one’s gonna throw us in jail for pondering
the idea of handing out a butt-whoopin’ to those goody-goodies over there. Remember, dear, this is a democracy, not an
aristocracy. We’re allowed to hate on
the elite and imagine beating the stuffing out of them without fear of any personal
repercussions.
HER
HIM There’s no debate
here, and I’m not just pondering either.
Look, if we’re gonna do this, we need to do it now.
HER (Looks across the street) Now? Are you sure? (Points across the street) Look, now, another
couple’s joined the first couple. Got
any plans for taking out four people?
HIM Easy. Just get me an energy drink and I’ll break
out some “Matrix”-style moves on them.
HER
HIM I am. It’ll take a bit more doing, but I think we
could take all four of them down.
HER (Looks across the street again) And...all four are
going inside the bistro now. So much for
your big plan. Sorry.
HIM (Resumes looking for a cab) Eh. Who wants to eat in there anyway?
HER Seemed like you did
for a minute there, considering the big plan you had for jumping that poor
couple.
HIM Hey, anyone who’ll
pay over a hundred dollars just to sit at a table in some fancy-schmancy place
like that deserves a good beat-down. I
don’t know how anyone can drop all that money just for some food.
HER Well, some people
actually enjoy going out and dining on fine cuisine, as opposed to gobbling
down the latest chalupa or burrito variation that Taco Bell puts out.
HIM Still, I can’t fathom
willfully paying a dinner tab that would rival our monthly rent.
HER That’s because we
don’t have as much money to burn as they do.
To them, a night out there would be like a night out at Olive Garden or Applebee’s
for us.
HIM (Beat, crestfallen) Sucks, doesn’t
it? You and I work our butts off at our
jobs and once we’re done paying the bills, we barely have enough left over
sometimes to even rent a movie. And
those trust fund babies over there probably never had to work a day in their
lives.
HER You don’t know
that. Maybe they do have jobs and
work as hard at them as we do at ours, with the only difference being that they
get paid more.
HIM Maybe...I guess I
just look at them and wonder why we’re not as well off as they are. Why is it that we got dealt the
lower-middle-class portion of the deck while they got all aces?
HER That’s just the way
it is.
HIM That’s a brush-off
answer.
HER No it’s not. It’s the truth. There’s no rhyme or reason to why we’re in
our position and they’re in theirs, so letting it get the better of us just
isn’t worth it. The only thing we can
do, really, is make the best of what we’ve got right now.
HIM We don’t have much,
though.
HER (Takes his arm) Depends on how you
look at it.
HIM (Smiles) I guess you’re
right. It’d still be nice to trade
places with them, though, if only to have some more dough and not have to shop
at thrift stores and---God help us---Wal-Mart.
HER I know what you
mean. (Pulls him closer) But I’m happy with
how things are right now. To be honest,
I wouldn’t change a single thing.
HIM Me too.
(They kiss.)
HER Hey, how ‘bout, on
the way home, we stop at Taco Bell and get take-out? The drive-thru is open late, and I’ll treat
you to that new chalupa they’ve been advertising.
HIM I don’t know. Do you think we can afford such an
extravagance?
HER (Kisses him again) I’m sure we can.
HIM (Kisses her)
HER
HIM Not the answer I was
looking for.
HER Let’s just take it
one step at a time here, okay?
HIM Okay. First step: getting a cab. (Looks around, sees nothing) This is ridiculous.
(He
looks away. That’s when she takes the
initiative by stepping forward, looking around, spotting a taxi, and letting
out a loud whistle. SFX of a car
stopping. She smiles at him. He looks both duly surprised and impressed.)
HER Am I good or what?
(He
laughs. Fade.) © 2015 Christopher TaitAuthor's Note
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1 Review Added on July 8, 2015 Last Updated on July 8, 2015 Author![]() Christopher TaitPhiladelphia, PAAboutSome might ask me if I'm back and, yeah, I'm thinking I'm back. more..Writing
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