My Promise To Someone

 

Why

Why aren’t I strong?

How long is it before I can no longer hold on?

Why do I end up crying at night?

Is it because my used-to-be world is out of sight?

What more can I lose?

I don’t even know the ‘do’s.

My heart feels like stopping,

No longer bopping to the same tune.

It feels heavy and cold.

Has time really grown so old?

 

Why can’t I accept what is?

What should I actually miss?

I need the three,

But people keep saying to leave them be.

 

I’ve been alone my whole life,

Making it through, but only in strife.

Then I finally made some friends,

And now our relationships come to an end.

 

I’ve never cared about people before,

Always closed, as been my door.

And now I’ve lost all I had,

And for some reason, I feel pretty bad.

 

Things aren’t as clear as they may seem,

Even though the light may be a huge beam.

In time, it will all fade.

And in time, we’ll all see the Hades.

 

Why am I still here?

Why aren’t I’m running with the deer?

Why does my life go on,

When everything seems to go wrong?

I don’t understand,

Nothing has ever been dand.

 

Why can’t I forget the three?

I just can’t see…

Why do I care?

It’s almost like I’m in despair,

Of what’s to come.

I’m so stupid…oh God! I’m so dumb.

And...I gave up the only one I’d ever love.

Now where is ‘God’s helpful dove?

 

Why do I only see my mistakes, and not theirs?

And now I can only get stares.

Why did I give up everything I had,

And in turn got everything bad?

 

I can’t seem to get anything back,

And…it was so many things, I’ve lost track.

 

Now I’m just being told off,

And I’m no longer tough.

I just want everything back again,

In my mind, and in my mind’s den.

 

In there, the three of us were perfect.

Well, almost. But the problem…we almost dealt with it.

I know what I did wrong,

And listen…I’m sorry Shawn…

I’m sorry everyone.

I’ve always ruined all the fun.

Why can’t my life be done?

I’ll I’ve ever done was run.

 

Well, I’m not running anymore.

Though my heart feels sore,

I wont let it bring me down.

I promise I will no longer be bound.

I wont stop fighting until I’ve won,

Or, unless my life is done.

 

I’m sick of being hurt,

And I’m tired of being treated like dirt.

I kept telling myself that what I get is karma,

And then just go party-a.

I will no longer tell myself lies,

Because thing like that in my family doesn’t fly.

 

I don’t have long to fix this,

So I wont just stand here to get dissed.

I’ll do it myself if I must,

Let me just wipe off the dust.

 

Now, I’m going to get my friends back the way I want to.

I don’t care what I must do.

I’ll do what I must,

Because, for once, I deserve a little just.

 

You think I’m human, and you’ll all see,

Just how inhuman I can be.

I never said I could play fair,

Fairness wasn’t taught in my family. Only to dare.

To dare yourself to do whatever you can to make things your right,

No matter how much you start to cause a fight.

The free spirits in my family always win,

And the orderly ones get kicked in the shin.

 

I know what’s going to happen,

Because sometimes I can be human.

I just want it a little more.

Hey, everything is fair in love and war.

 

I’ve always wanted my family’s acceptance,

 But I’ve never seen it, because I’m so dense.

My three friends were my family,

And they were the ones who accepted me.

 

I won’t stop until I succeed,

And keep your warnings, ‘cause I wont heed.

I want my family back,

And with them, my life will stay intact.

 

Now I just have to see what I have to do,

Just to get it to you.

I don’t care how thick it will be,

Those three will at least talk to me.

And I wont give up like I use to,

‘Cause this girl is brand new.

She’s not the one you knew before,

So hear this new girl’s loud rawr.

 

My aunt has told me life is what you make it,

And that when something is wrong or hurting you, you can’t just sit.

That one day I’d need to take a stand,

And show everyone that I wont stick my face in the sand.

She told me not to hide,

To show what’s inside.

 

I won’t hide any longer,

And I know that somehow, I’ll get stronger.

I want to get back what was mine,

Even for a little time.

 

I never felt love before,

So it was almost like an open door.

To see what a family is like,

And to not be called a dyke.

I want that feeling once more,

Because people actually pick me up off the floor.

For once I felt wanted and born,

And everything was fixed, nothing was torn.

Oh, what I’ll do to get that back,

And everything here is a fact.

 

The war will be bloody,

And I’ll get all muddy,

Of course all in a metaphorical way.

And I’ll be there like I always was,

To help and save the day.

 

I know there will be tears,

And I’ll have to face my worst fears,

And suffer the consequences along the way.

And though, in the end, I’ll be the one to pay,

I wont care, because what can I lose when I have nothing at all?

How much farther can I go, when there are no more holes to fall?

 

Can the loss be that grate?

Can it be worse then my own fate?

I’m tired of having to cry at night,

Because no matter what I do, things are never right.

I just want the four of us whole,

Me, Nathan, Andrew, and Shawn, all separate, yet all one soul.

 

Do you think it’s wrong, my plan to be?

If you do, then it is hard for you to see.

Can you understand where I’m coming from?

Can you see that I really am not dumb?

 

I want what I had before,

Because it’s something I adored.

I would want nothing more then this,

An all-American girls’ bliss.