Flight

She touched the clouds
and wanted to fly
to taste real freedom
at the tip of the sky

Grasping for air
in the city of blue
this bird had no wings
if only she knew

The wind tried to catch her
she realized her mistake
a broken surrender
her own life did she take

Author's Note

I'm not really sure about this one, its longer than usual
would really appreciate any feedback:)

Reviews

[Bushra Naqshbandi]

An outstanding poem Tee.
''Flight'' - The title is perfectly chosen as the poem depicts her flight first upwards to reach the sky and then the free fall to the ground. Blame gravity for the whole affair. ;)
Coming to the poem, I love the imagery in its entirety. Your descriptions make the piece remarkably strong and realistic. I experienced the poem as I read it almost as if I was watching a movie and I commend you for the use of such brilliant expressions. :)

She touched the clouds
and wanted to fly
to taste real freedom
at the tip of the sky
I've always wanted to be a bird just to experience the freedom of being able to fly anywhere (without having to pay airfare ;D ). You've expressed this notion very well. Besides, the clouds can even be seen as heights of success she touched but wanted to go higher than or perhaps some dream she accomplished that was only a part of a larger dream of hers. The possibility of open interpretation adds greater beauty to the poem. :)

Grasping for air
in the city of blue
this bird had no wings
if only she knew
I love the imagery in these lines. Absolutely. I connect to this feeling of late realization completely and I admire the way you've put such a complicated emotion into words where you show how she's failing and why and even pity her for the same. Hats off! :)
a broken surrender
her own life did she take
''Broken surrender'' - It's a super powerful expression and I'm so in love with your choice of words. :) The ending is sad but not pessimistic. She might have ended her life but not without teach us the lesson of recognising our strength and capability and trying to achieve things accordingly. A fabulous write! Keep up the good work! :)

[Mara]

Wow thank you so much for the amazing review, I'm so happy like you liked it :D!!

[InkStain]

Wow, that's beautiful. Great writing.

[Mara]

thank you:)!

[mou]

//this bird had no wings
if only she knew//
Beautiful line.A lovely wisdom which provoke the thoughts.Thanks for sharing.

[Mara]

thank you, glad you liked it :)!

[BlaqkShadow]

This is beautiful it's just a shame it's not longer! I love the beautiful ebb and flow of the words you used and the language is fantastic. Such a sweet poem :)

[Mara]

thank you so much for the lovely review!:)

[terry smith]

this is good!! sad but good...and you cannot crash if you do not drive ...and limbo sucks!!

[Mara]

thank you for checking it out!:)

[McBear]

Hmm. I am drifting away from probably what the true meaning of this poem is to get some diversity. Well, it seems as if it is trying to convey the fact that people can get their dreams crushed. Maybe someone hurt her feelings because they didn't think she could do it?

[jesserose99]

This is powerful Tee, really she just didn't know until it was too late and I think that must happen to a lot of people who are committing suicide. This was extremely well written.

[Mara]

Thank you, so glad you liked it:)

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmi..]

I see a woman trying to make something of her life but pursuing it in a way that is dishonest to her and getting caught up in money and fame, but ultimately that ending in her death rather physical or emotional death. I really like the ease in which this flows and the grace you have given to it. kinda reminded me of Marilyn. Excellent work!

[Mara]

Thank you so much, i really appreciate your feedback!:))

[Ashley Renegade]

This is both beautiful and kind of haunting! You have beautiful words inside of you! Thank you for sharing them. :)

[Mara]

thank you for taking the time to review :D!

[David Scott]

I like the phrase, "broken surrender". How often we leap in desperation only to realize we had better alternatives...
A very fine write.

[Mara]

Thank you, I'm glad you like it! :)