What of me?

A Poem by TabbyLeeT

If you, which no one on this site does, know the WHOLE story of my ex Jeremy and I you wold get this immediately, but you still should. Point is, I'm afraid, who's going to want me? Like he use to.

                                    What of me?
                                March 6th, 2011
             Tabitha Lee Thomas-Jean Haussmann.

Could it be any simpler put to tell you that everything you are, everything you do, all of it, was amazing to me. Nothing, not a fault. A single thing. Then I look out and I think of all the little things, all the meaningless ones at the time.   That sparkle everyone see's in lovers eyes, I have no idea, was it really there? How much longer could we have gone on, pretending, living in such an unrealistic reality we have created to please are need for something we both miss. But you found your pieces, after that, I was replaced, just a temporarily filler.   You're love was always my killer. CHOOSE HER. LOVE HER. Fine, I never cared anyway, ha, now I'm telling the lie for once. I could have died, but only for you, only if you needed me too. When it comes down to your life or mine, I'll always choose to lay down mine I'm fading into another memory of yours, lost in time. I never thought I did such a terrible thing, such a crime against you, I gave you nothing but everything you asked. Maybe there was so much more. I'd give it all, but I'd be the only one in the end who had to fall. Come for just one more night, just one more second, just that last moment. To remember the glow we use to have from within, looking at you, looking at me. Baby, whatever it is, whatever it was, anything you know you'd be easy to forgive. You always have. Lie to me, tell me this isn't it, this is not how it falls apart, this isn't the very end. Pretend, just for a little while more. One more night, under those stars we both looked upon. Tell me you never meant it, tell me you were scared, you lied. Tell me I'm still the one who makes your day. TELL ME. LOVE ME. CHOOSE ME. Baby, this is such a reverse, not your cliche love song, no boy to girl, this is me, your baby, your meant to be, your use to be? Keep me, it's my last little wish, while I'm all alone, and the air turns cold, I whisper to the brightest stars in the sky "Please, make him want me, make him need me, let him keep me." when the skies get a little shady and the clouds turn to rain, falling to my own shame, my knees cannot support me. "Why don't I get to be happy? Where did I go, please, someone save ME." Because no one remembers, no one see's who it is I use to be. Just hold on, one more moment, a few more days, I'll remember her too. I'll smile again, I'll make you love her again. I'll be whoever you need. I know I got a little clueless, a little clumsy, the calls came too often at times, but I am scared, I'm human, I can't be the strong girl all the time anymore. Because admitting the truth to my own self, that I'm hurt, I'm ready to cry, I'm ready to ask someone who will listen, why isn't it me he wants to hold anymore? If not him, who will?   Do you think, could it be, that someday someone could see more to me, to save me? Keep me?   I know I'm not perfect, I'm nowhere near it, but I promise, I give my heart wholly, faithfully, and unconditionally. But there's a lot to fix, a lot of fear, and so many hidden tears.   I'm a little bit of a mess, but I'm not all lost. I still have my heart ready to give. Even as broken and bent as it is. What I'm asking, the point is, do you need someone to make you smile? Laugh? Hold you through the nights you'll never get through on your own?   I'm right here, I'm tired of waiting, we can fix it together, I'll tell you she never mattered, you'll tell me neither did he.