Chapter 1

Hi I just started decided to write a book and now I need a review on these chapters.

Chapter 1

“Thank God I wore a jacket, I would’ve froze if I didn’t” I said as I lay on the ground.

“Well it can’t be helped that our target is located in Siberia” remarked Strider.

Yeah its cold alright being sent off on a mission to the damn middle of nowhere that would never be on anyone’s list of a good vacation, but I can’t complain this is my life; this is my job. We were sent to Siberia to assassinate a particular mob boss that’s been threatening the locals and have been smearing the name of our family. I have one particular rule and that is to not smear the name of my family. Our target is a man named Roy Garcia. He’s been hiding all over the world and we have located him to this location and now we can finish our job.

“Targets in sight. Helleige you know what to do.”

“Roger. I’ll get into position.” Replied Helleige as she ran down the hill

“Strider ready on my mark. Target ETA in five min”

This is the moment we’ve been waiting for. Finally after long arduous reconnaissance by Team 12 we have the chance to finish our mission.

“Okay strider…… NOW”

In an instant Strider was racing down the hill like a flash of grey. My aim steady covering his back from any enemy soldier that wants to take advantage of his blindside. From the corner of my eye I could see Helleige summoning either Ignis or Tonitrus getting ready to rain Hell on the enemies from the sky. I notice something wrong with the number of vehicles in the convoy that’s supposed to be escorting Roy.

“Hey Strider….. You see what I’m seeing?”

“Yeah something isn’t right. Where are the LAV’s?”

“Helleige are you ready?”

“Yeah I just finished summoning Ignis. I thought it would be really nice to have a mobile heater around.” jested Helleige

“Alright Helleige light ‘em up on my signal”

“Roger that” Helleige replied as she slipped on her glove.

“Hey Aegis if my intuition is right I don’t think we’ll be killing our target tonight.” said Strider expressing his doubt that we’d complete our mission.

“Don’t worry Strider whether we kill him today or not, I’ll hunt him down to the ends of the Earth for messing with our family” I replied as I stared at the driver of the first Humvee through my scope.

At that moment I realized what the convoy was actually escorting.

“This seems like a stupid question but do you guys see that extremely armored vehicle?” I asked my friends

“Well no s**t Sherlock. It’s kind of hard to miss a Humvee armored more than a goddamn tank!” grumbled Strider as he shot me a look from behind a tree.

“Alright guys something’s not right lets contact HQ and try to figure out what’s going on. Helleige I need you to contact Logue; ask her what the hell is going on.”

“Okay. One minute boss…..” she replied as she pulled out her comm.

“Okay boss it’s patched.”

“Good, ask Logue to contact Father and figure out why Roy Garcia’s convoy has the most heavily armored Humvee anyone has ever seen.”

“Alright” she replied as she turned her attention to talking to Logue. “Hey Logue, it’s Helleige; I just had one question; does Father know why Garcia’s convoy has a tank like Humvee?”

“Que voulez-vous dire? Father told me that the convoy would consist of four LAVs and two APCs.” replied Logue with a ting of confusion in her voice.

“Well can you double check with Father why there are only two APCs and one EAV?”

“What is an EAV?” asked Logue

“An Extremely Armored Vehicle.” replied Helleige

“Okay, I’ll get back to you with an answer ASAP.”

“Thanks Logue.” she said as she turned off her comm.  “Alright boss she’s going to get back to us with an answer ASAP.”

“Alright, thanks Helleige. Stay in position until I give the signal. I don’t know what’s going on but the mission is still the mission we don’t leave till we finish what we came to do. Strider regroup with Helleige, I’ll stay at the VP till we get an answer.” I told the group

“Yes sir.” answered Strider as he headed to Helleige’s location.

The convoy seemed to slow to a stop as it pulled up to the main compound gate. Within a minute the gates were already opening to allow their guests to enter the compound. The three vehicles pulled up the long driveway and stopped. From my calculation the APCs should have four to six soldiers each and I have no idea how many soldiers were hiding in the EAV.

“Hey guys stay on your toes. We don’t know what could possibly be in that….”

As I was finishing my orders the vehicles doors flung open and soldiers flooded into the courtyard. There had to have been around eleven soldiers who had emerged from the APCs, but strangely the EVA had remained still as the soldiers formed two squads around the doors of the EVA.

“Alright guys, they’re moving. Get ready we’ll finally get to see what’s in that EVA.”

“Boss just got a message back from Logue. Father says that shouldn’t be the convey that’s escorting Garcia.” conveyed Helleige

“So than what are our orders?” I asked sort of annoyed by the wrong intel we had received from HQ

“Father says that we are to remain at our post and keep an eye on the enemy, also we are to not engage the enemy.” reported Helleige

“Roger that”

A moment later three people emerged from the EVA. From the look of one guy I’d have assumed he was the leader in his best pressed grey suit. He had a pale look to him, but quite good looking anyway, had he been a bit tanner than he would have looked like my ancestors. He looked about six foot one, built like a Spartan. His two “friends” that accompanied him had to have been two of the best looking women I have ever seen in my life. As they entered the compound the guy who I assumed was the leader turned in our direction and smiled. If the cold weather wasn’t bad enough this guy gave me a cold chill down my spine.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems, just tell me whether this is interesting or not.

Reviews

[Issy]

Hi Tim,

I'm new to this site and thought that I am just going to jump in. Can I give you my honost opinion?
Your first paragraph should hook people. I don't know whether this is fantasy, but if it is, I haven't seen any fantasy elements. Your first chapter should be enticing, actually every page, to make the readers want to turn that page. Although I love the action scene and like it if books starts with some sort of an action, I was hoping to see with what sort of fantasy am I going to deal with. As of yet, I have no idea and I'm a bit dissapointed.
I don't connect with your characters either. They seem a bit 'unfinished'. I don't know if that makes any sense. You need to carve your characters in able to bring them to live. As they are now, I have so many questions that I don't know where to begin. I have no face inside my head, there is no description, no charater personalities nothing and I hate not able to make a mental image to a person when I read a story. I think you should focus more on that. I will keep on reading your other chapter too and note, this is only my opinion. Others might disagree and I'm sure they will.

Good luck with this book.
Issy.

[Tim Youn]

Hey Issy, I made a introduction for people to better understand how the characters are. Hopefully you can read and review my introduction as well. Thanks for the review!!