You Left Without Saying Goodbye

for my best friend who needs no editing

Yes

 everything about you was infectious

 that damn smile of yours could get you anything you wanted

I never thought you needed anything

 for that smile always came right through the phone

 wondering how you always did that

  so well

 

Everyone loved you

And you loved them back if only in the

 way you could

 Laughter

Even as i look at your photo on the Obit

 I can still hear your laughter

 and my eyes water trying to remember the last

  talk we had

 and as you told me how your life was about to change

  I couldn't and wouldn't believe it

  because that silly damn laugh wouldn't let me

 and my eyes well up trying to remember who said I love you first

 before we disconnected

 and then I remember that at least we said it

 and I want to cry and kick and scream because that's what

  best friends do for one another when they are hurting

 but I didn't know because you wouldn't let me

 

I knew nothing

 and I want to think it was because you didn't want me

 to worry

 about you

 and I still do wonder about you

 because I don't know what happened

 how it happened

 because you wouldn't let me

 and that damn picture in the Obit does you no justice

  because I can't start up a conversation with you after not

  hearing from you after four years and picking up where we left off

 because that's what best friends can do

 

Dear God

 I want to believe that my best friend prayed to You

 before whatever happened

 I want to believe that there was an angel there with him

  to help him transition into whatever wherever he was going to

Please reassure me somehow that what he did on this earth because he left

 was enough for you to hold him tightly yet gently

Please let him know that I am sorry that I didn't know he was hurting

 and that I wanted to be there

 but he laughed and laughed and tried to make me forget

  what he last told me

 and how I wish he had only answered his phone the last time I called

 so that I could tell him that everything wasn't so perfect with me either

But he could come and visit anytime

 or he could come and stay with me anytime

 and I can't even get in touch with his ex because his ex

 was looking to start over with someone new

Oh God, I hope I am remembering this correctly

 because over all the laughter I still felt that smile

 assure me that everything would be alright

And now I find out through someone else

 that it's all over

 And I f*****g hate this because I don't even know how to reach

your mother to tell her how sorry I am that you left home because

 she didn't like your lifestyle

And if I see her when I go home

 I hope I have the right words to say to her

 and I hope that I can break down in front of her and be myself

  with her as you were with my mother

 

I miss you

 I miss you more now than I did just because you wouldn't

 answer your phone

Now all I hear is, "The number you dialed is no longer in service..."

You were one hot number

 with a flame that shined brighter than the sun

 because of your smile and that damn laugh that would frighten me

  if I heard it again

  because it wouldn't be over the phone

 and we couldn't make each other promises that we probably couldn't

   keep

 

At least I could still say, "I Love You"

 when I play music by our favorite music artist

And along with that pearly white smile

 I hope God met you at the pearly gate and lets you sing in

  His choir